sweater weather:viiii

October 17, 2013
viiii: ‘hello’
in the afternoons i would sit outside in the shops by the park, let my eyes graze around on the grass like a cow and let the hockey feed stem into my ears. i liked hockey, i did, but i liked it because of you. i was selfish and i promised myself i’d eat you slowly to death with my kisses and smother you with affections.
you crossed the street and i stood up, watching you enter into the streets as the cars and for a moment i thought you’d been struck ‘cause you stopped in the dead center and turned my way.
there’s got to be a death in you, you had to have gotten stabbed in the back with ceramic knives (there’s no blood, no blood, just skin there, smooth and soft skin) but no, you’d just seen me.
i want to run.
But i can’t because you’ve seen me and i wish i’d take it all back. i couldn’t murder you with my kisses, even if i tried, i couldn’t let my love suffocate your lungs, please don’t come over here.
you came anyway.
my skin is crawling. my legs are shaking and my head spins round and round, and please don’t say a word, i’m content with admiring you from afar.
all i heard was a set of syllables but enough was enough and i allowed myself to speak back, ignore the mousy words and just listen to the tone; i’m scared, i’m scared, but i don’t think you truly care.
three days later i lived with you

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