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Teenage Pregnancy

“I’m pregnant.”

I didn’t want to say it, but I had no choice. I’d been keeping it a secret from him for far too long. Well 4 day, 3 hours, and 32 minutes to be exact. That doesn’t seem like much, but having a secret that big literally inside of you can feel like a lifetime.

His face hid no emotions. It showed shock, grief, sadness, anger, but most hurtful of all, it showed disgust. Why he would be disgusted with me is beyond my intelligence level. It’s not like I was some girl telling her boyfriend that she was pregnant, yet they’d never slept together. Because in my case, there was no possibility that Landon wasn’t the father.

Time was dragging on. He was saying nothing. His eyes nervously glanced from my face to my stomach.

“Say something Landon.” My eyes pleaded his.

I reached for his hand, but he snatched his away as if mine was contaminated.

“Landon?” I felt hurt. I felt angry. The guy that I thought I’d loved, and who I thought had felt mutually about this feeling, was seemingly taking back everything he’d ever said to me. Every moment of joy we’d shared, every kissed he’d placed on my lips. All gone.

“Landon.” I said his name more urgently, more sharply, willing him to say something. After all, he’s the one who had pulled to the side of the road to ask me what’d been bugging me all week. He’s the one who had said that he’d love me, no matter what. Isn’t he the one who had said, just moments ago, that I could tell him anything, and that he wouldn’t judge me since he’s truly is in love with me?

Where’d that Landon go?

He put the car in drive, signaled to get back on the road, and took off.

This was all happening way too fast. We hadn’t talked it through. He hadn’t said that he loves me, and that he’ll help me through all of it. He hasn’t told me that this is just fate working its way into our lives.

“We need to talk, Landon. We can’t just step around this. This,” I pointed to my stomach, “This is real. This isn’t going away.” I paused to stare at him. He seemed to not even be listening to me.

“Landon, please, talk to me. We’ve got to talk this through. That’s what we always do. When you drop me off, we’ll still be at the same place as we are now.” I paused once more, but he continued to stare ahead.

“Listen, do you remember Tina Anderson? Well, she’s that girl who was a senior last year who was pregnant, you know the one my sister is friends with? Anyways, she had her baby over the summer, and it’s the prettiest baby girl you’ll ever see. Jane Marie is her name, I met her once. She turned out great. Tina’s healthy, and Jane Marie is completely healthy for that matter. No complications.”

I was rambling on, I knew it. Rambling is what I always do when I’m nervous. Usually by this time in my rant, Landon would have wrapped me in his arms and kissed me to calm my nerves. But not today.

“And…and, and they’re both doing fantastic. And Tina graduated from high school. And they did it, they really did it. Jane Marie—”

Landon cut me off, “SHUT UP!”

He’s never yelled at me, never scolded me, and never even raised his voice at me. In that moment, I got a glimpse of what the future might hold. And it was scary.

I looked at him, taking in his bright red face, his angry brown eyes. I expected him to apologize, say how much he regretted raising his voice. To tell me that he’ll always love me and that we’ll get through this together. But instead he just gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned a sickly white.

I twisted my whole body to face the window. I didn’t want him to see me cry. If I cried, I would just want to be comforted, but I knew that that wasn’t going to happen.

After what felt like years, or maybe even decades, we finally got to my house.

I opened the door as quickly as I could, but at the last second I decided not to hold my tongue. “You can’t ignore this forever.” I told him, and walked up the porch steps.

* * * * * * *

While attempting to take some biology notes, I realized that it’s been exactly two weeks since Landon and I have talked, well, more I had talked and Landon had gotten angry. But two whole weeks to go without talking to your future child’s father is a large amount of time.

We had downgraded all the way to not even glancing at each other in the hallway. The only word I can use to describe the whole situation is “hurtful”. I feel hurt by the fact that Landon finds me disgusting. Hurt by the fact that I’m hiding this big of a secret from my family. Hurt by the fact that God put this big of a burden on my 16 year old shoulders. I experience more hurt by each question I am asked about what happened between Landon and I, because I don’t know how to answer any of them. I can tell that my family is worried about me. I haven’t been eating very much lately; it’s more like I’m being eaten up by worry. Most importantly of all, I feel hurt by the betrayal. Landon, my first love, who I thought would be my only love, hates me.

Yeah, that can really bring a girl down.

I’ve been riding the bus ever since Landon refused to drive me. The morning after the fight, I childishly assumed that Landon would bring me flowers, and apologize when he picked me up. But in reality, he didn’t even pick me up. I texted him five minutes before school started and asked where he was.

His literal response was, “Didn’t have time to pick you up.”

That left me in tears for the whole day, so I stayed home sick. The next day I didn’t bother waiting for him, I rode the bus. I didn’t receive one text or call about my absence from his car.

On top of that whole situation, I still haven’t told my parents I’m pregnant. Of course, there’s still the tiny, miniscule possibility that I’m not actually pregnant, since the doctors have yet to confirm it. But I took four of those CVS pregnancy stick tests, and all four showed the demonic little plus sign. I took that as I sure sign that I’m pregnant.

I Google searched the statistics on teen pregnancy. They didn’t look very good. Apparently only one third of teenagers that get pregnant receive their high school diploma. That’s definitely a scary fact for anyone, especially a girl with a 4.2 GPA, and 2 AP classes on her hands.

There was a knock on my door, and I frantically slammed my laptop down, in fear of my parents questioning my research. The door opened, and my dad walked in.

“Why bother knocking if you’re just going to walk in without permission anyways?” I asked my dad rudely.

“Landon’s here.” My dad said, ignoring my comment.

At the sound of his name, my heart began to race. It’d been two weeks since I’d talked to him, two weeks since I’d told him the huge secret that’d been wearing at my heart. Two weeks since it’d seemed that he’d walked out of my life, never to return again.

“Tell him I don’t want to talk to him.” I said, turning back around towards my desk. It’s not so much that I didn’t want to talk to him; it’s that I felt like I physically couldn’t handle it. I would lose control, either scream or yell, most likely both.

“Brookie, he seems really desperate.” My dad said in a concerned tone, “I think that whatever it is that’s causing you to be in this state of gloom, you should talk it over with Landon. You’re never going to fix anything if you don’t confront it.”

God, did it ever feel like my dad new exactly what my situation was.

“I’m not the one running away from it dad.” I said gloomily

“Really, Brookelynn?” My dad said in a disappointing tone, “Because it sure seems like you are right now.” He shut the door, and I heard the rhythm of his footsteps heading back to the main level.

He had used my full name, meaning that he was disappointed in me. I realized that to an outsider it may have seemed like I was the one ignoring my problems, but it was Landon who was doing the hiding. I tried to convince myself of this, but I realized that he’s the one who is here, confronting them, and I’m the one shooing him away.

I heard the dreadful sound of feet making their way back down the stairs. It was most likely my dad, ready to give me another lecture about how wrong I am for ignoring Landon.

The familiar knock on the door sounded.

“Listen dad,” I said angrily, “If you’re here to give me another speech about how immature I’m acting, I’m not really in the mood for it right now.”

I turned in my chair as the door opened, and I came face to face with Landon. My breath caught in my throat, angry thoughts crossed through my mind. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, but for the longest time neither of us said anything, we just stared at one another.

“It’s me.” Landon finally croaked out.

“I told my dad that I didn’t want to talk to you. Did you not receive the message?” I asked furiously.

“Listen, Brooke, I was wrong---”He began.

“You sure as hell were wrong,” I raised my voice and stood up to face him. He had entered the room and shut the door.

“I needed you.” I choked out, “All of a sudden, at a time when I’m most vulnerable, you ‘don’t have time for me?’” I glared at him, tears brimming in my eyes.

“I feel used, Landon. I told you I loved you, you told me it back. Was it all just a lie? One big joke to you? Because it sure as hell wasn’t a joke to me! I’ve been played by you; I’ve been used by you. You probably went back and told your cocky little friends how “easy” I was to get in bed with,” He winced at this, “how easily I became attached to you. How stupid am I?” I whispered the last part to myself.

Landon looked hurt, and on the verge of crying himself. “Do you honestly believe what you just said about me? About our relationship?” He asked sadly

“I don’t know,” I sat down on the edge of my bed, “I just don’t know anything anymore. What to believe, who to believe, who to trust.”

“You don’t trust me?” His voice broke.

“I don’t know Landon,” I yelled, “I needed you, and you left. You left me for two weeks. I had two weeks of trying to figure out what to do, while you ignored me. Do you know how that made me feel? To be ignored by the guy I love? To be constantly questioned about our relationship by my friends, and having to make up some lame excuse as to why we weren’t even talking? Huh? ”

“I’m so sorry, Brooke.” He rushed over to me, and knelt on the ground in front of me.

“Well you know what, Landon, sorry just won’t cut it this time.”

He placed his hands on my knees, but I brushed them off.

“I don’t need you Landon. I don’t want you to be here for me right now, since you weren’t there for me two weeks ago. You yelled at me, no, you screamed at me to ‘Shut up!’ I can’t deal with that, I don’t deserve that.” I paused and looked into his misty brown eyes. I pointed to my stomach, as I had on that depressing day, two weeks ago. “We don’t need this.”

I started crying then. I couldn’t help it. He started crying too.

“God damn it, Brooke. God damn, it.” He began, brushing tears from his eyes, “You know what, you’re right, I was an idiot and I knew it all along. I left you for two weeks when your emotions were spinning on high. And you’re right that that was when you needed me the most. But I’m here now, and I’m here to stay. We’re sixteen,” He paused, “s***, we’re only sixteen.” This number seemed to shock him, “But were gonna’ be the best goddamn parents that this child could ever have.” He placed one hand on my stomach, and one in my hand. This time I didn’t pull away.

He continued, “And I’m going to love this child no matter what. I don’t care if our baby has down syndrome, or cystic fibrosis, or just one bad soccer game. I’m gonna’ take care of our baby, like Mufasa did Simba.. And without a doubt, I’m going to make sure that this child turns out to be just like you, because goddamn it, Brooke, you’re an angel. You’re the angel that God sent to me, and I sure hope that our baby has your blonde hair, and you’re blue eyes. I can only pray that our child shares your sense of humor, your kindness, your endless love for others, and your non-judgmental ways. Because in all honestly, if our kid turns out to be anything like me, well, I’m probably going to run the other way.” I laughed at this, and for the first time in two and a half weeks, I felt lighter.

“If our baby’s at all like you, it’ll be perfect. I’m gonna’ read it bed time stories, and play catch with our kid when it’s old enough. I promise to never miss one baseball game because of work or miss one dance recital because I ‘didn’t have time.’ Oh, and I’m sorry about that too, that was probably the lowest thing I’ve ever done.” His eyes were sad, and clearly filled with regret, “I’m sorry about yelling, and I’m sorry for being a stupid loser. I don’t deserve you, not in the least bit. But I hope that you can forgive me, because no matter how our relationship ends up, I will always be there for our child, and I hope you know that.” He looked up at me and smiled, placing both his hands on mine, and pulling them together to kiss them.

Still kneeling, he simply said, “I love you.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard so sweet of words spoken before.

“You deserve to be loved your entire life.”

I couldn’t take his sappy romantic speech anymore; it was so out of character for him. I grabbed his face, and shut him up with a kiss.

He was surprised at first, but he soon kissed me back, and wrapped his arms around my back, as I wrapped mine around his neck. I fell back onto the bed, and he fell with me, kissing my neck.

“I love you,” He said. “I’ve always loved you.” He looked at me seriously, “It was never a lie.”

“I always knew it wasn’t.” I said, realizing that he always has.

“And,” His lips traveled down to my stomach, “I love you,” He said as he planted a kiss on my bare belly.

He then laid down next to me on my bed. “You know what I could really go for right now?” He asked

I shook my head ‘no’.

“The Last Song, A Walk To Remember, or really any movie based off of a Nicholas Sparks book.” He smiled at me

“Now this can’t be,” I said jokingly, and sat up “The manly Landon Hetter actually wants to watch a cheesy movie, based off of a sappy, romantic novel? I thought this day would never come.” I smiled at him

“Well,” He sat up, “So long as you don’t ever, and I mean EVER, tell my friends about it.”

I smiled, “How about Dear John?”

“Sounds perfect,” He said as I popped it into my laptop.

We proceeded to lie down, the laptop sprawled on my bed in front of me. He placed his arm around me, and I realized that, in this moment, I wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else but here, because lying here with Landon is the closest thing to heaven that I’ve ever experienced.

Join the Discussion

This article has 6 comments. Post your own!

amandatheshadowgirl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:33 pm:
My throat is closing up and theres tears in my eyes. I think we all know what that means. A well done romance. Well done.
Alexa19 replied...
Jul. 18, 2013 at 12:16 am :
thank you so much !
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TROOP said...
Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:43 am:
Looove it. I think you captured your characters' emotions very accurately.
Alexa19 replied...
Jul. 18, 2013 at 12:17 am :
thanks it means so much!
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sarah98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm:
omg. this was beatiful. i cried.
Alexa19 replied...
Jul. 18, 2013 at 12:18 am :
hahaha thank you :)
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