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One Word.

I frantically pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, opening the option to create a new message. I typed his name in the send to line. One word, that’s all it would take. I typed it into the message field. “Hey.” That’s all it read. No smiley face, no exclamation point, none of that. It was not needed. I typed all of this in a hurry, as though he needed to know this in a matter of seconds. It was like the text message was a plea saying “Hey”-I’m-In-A-Major-Emergency-Situation-Reply-Right-Freaking-Now. Really, it wasn’t. I just needed to know he still cared. I could still be a part of my life.


All it would take is one word. That’s how it was in the beginning, that’s how it could be now. It could go from one word, to three words, to six words, back to one word. Words as simple yet powerful as "hey," then the most special words, "I love you," to the heart wrenching, "I think we should break up," all back to "hey." It could start it all over again.


My Dad always told me that anything that was broken could be fixed, it would just take some time and work. Now the first part of that pounded in my head, anything that was broken could be fixed. I could have the opportunity to prove this to be true. One word. Just one, that’s all it could take, right?


We could be happy again. We could go back to when we didn’t want to sit around at home on the could Sunday afternoon watch the football game, so instead we went to drive, and finally pulled over at a deserted park, just to get out and walk through the field and climb to the top of the big toy and kiss. We could go back to the days where it was pouring rain so we cuddled up under blankets and watched old eighties movies. We could go back to the days when we texted each other good night messages for over a half hour, simply repeating, “no, you’re the sweetest.” We could go back to when we he laughed at me for wanting to sit on the carpet rather than the couch because he wanted to lay down. We could go back to the times like that. All it would take was one word. “Hey” was that one word. It could change it all.


That one word could do it all though. Everything could change, either for the better or worse.


I could go back to the feeling of sitting on the edge of my seat, my stomach in knots. I could go back to the constant cold feeling, or the constant shaking while waiting for the next reply. I could dive back into this relationship of only getting to see him once a week because he was chasing his dream, and leaving me off to the side. I could go back to being the girlfriend that was there every time he needed me there, but how would I know that he would be there for me? I could be that girl that would move mountains for him, but would he move mountains for me as well? I could go back to not sleeping well, tossing and turning, and waking up to texting him. I could go back to telling him the most romantic words that my mouth has ever spoken, but never hear anything similar in return. I would be chasing him like a pathetic puppy dog.


I could still love him, but not like him. I could love what we once had. I could love every memory we had made together. Most of all, I could love what those experiences made me become. He had changed though, and I had to put myself first. He was not the same man I fell in love with months ago. He wasn’t the person I could see myself being with for the rest of forever. I didn’t like the person he became, but I still loved the person he once was.


Not being with him might hurt me, but the other option should even be an option. I knew that being with him now would kill me, and it would be a slow and painful death. I was not going to do that to myself. So now I just sighed, staring at my cell phone, the text message screaming that it should be sent to Ben, my ex-boyfriend. My once upon a time that came to a crashing end because I had to stand up for myself. I sighed, and pressed the end button, failing to save the message as a draft. I’d rather continue wondering if he’s thinking of me, and hope that he is, rather than find out that he isn’t and be crushed. He’d never receive that text message from me, he’d never hear the one word that could start it all over again.



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