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She Thought She Could Sing

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She had basically said that she sings because she has a mouth, which is also something she can’t do.

I had asked her why she loved him, why he was special. And she had said, and I quote, “He’s my boyfriend. Of course I love him.” I tried rephrasing the question.

“Well, I know you love him. But what is it about him that you love?”

“Well, he’s my boyfriend. He’s hot. And nice. And kinda funny.” I wanted to slap my palm to my face and scream, Why, God, WHY?!

That is exactly what I had been afraid of. I mean, seriously, it happens all the time.

She loved him because he had asked her out. That’s it. There was nothing else, no spark, no connection, no love at first sight or anything. She loved him because he asked her on a date.

My friends had been saying all along that we would be so cute together, that we understood each other, that we could never be apart now that we’d met. They had assured me that this girl he had known wouldn’t be a problem, that she wouldn’t get in the way.

They were so wrong.

I’d been swept off my feet by a stupid tidal wave of love and heartbreak. First, him. He was handsome, not ‘hot’, not ‘sexy’, handsome. He was sensitive and shy, but he hid it since his friends thought he was the top dog at school. He was creative and imaginative, inspiring and mysterious. He was sarcastic in a way that made him funny, and fake in a way that made him real. He pretended to be someone he wasn’t, but when you actually saw him for him, it made you realize that he couldn’t be anyone but himself to you.

And then she came in. That stupid, ditzy, ignorant, self-absorbed, cheating, lying, conniving, man-stealing (insert explicative). She had pretended she didn’t care, and then swooped in and caught him when I thought I had him secured. She pretended to love him so she could say she was his girlfriend, and she would only figure out afterward if she really loved him or not.

She had ruined a perfectly good happily-ever-after. She thought she could sing because she had a mouth.

She thought she could love him because he asked her out.

But she can’t. She won’t ever understand what it’s like to actually know him for who he really is. She won’t ever understand how to love him. I should know.

I do.




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