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Something Magical Part 21~ The End

I fell asleep with my head on Adam’s lap, my dad sitting a couple chairs away not commenting on how close I have been to him in the last few hours. When I open my eyes I look up to see that Adam has nodded off. Laughing quietly, I sit up and face forward in my chair.
My dad is stiff and sits straight up, staring at the door with his hands in his lap. He is setting himself up to be let down. I don’t want him to do that, but… well… I slightly do. I was always daddy’s little girl. I was always the one to get his attention, and just when I actually start to need it he gives up on me?! No way! I don’t want him feeling bad, I just don’t want him feeling like he is going to get off easy either.
“You can’t leave her.” I choke out, my voice being hoarse from not talking for a while. It did that with the doctor too, coming out all groggy and sick sounding.
“Excuse me?”
I turn to face him, looking three feet away from me I look him dead in the eyes. I get my eyes from him, that chocolate brown color that I’ve grown so accustomed to.
“You can’t leave her or him, whatever the baby turns out to be. You just can’t.” I say, still looking him in the eyes. His eyes just scatter around the waiting room, cloudy with tears.
“Nichole, don’t be…” but I don’t let him finish. I talk over him in the most condescending way I know how to.
“Don’t do that to me.” I say. “Don’t tell me not to be silly. I’m not going to be your errand girl in a couple years; I do want to go to college eventually.” I finally lure his eyes to come back to mine. “I can’t watch your kids too. I got mom out of her rut, you have to do this for me. Take care of her. Take care of both of them.” I say and he bites his lower lip and frowns slightly.
“Nichole…”
“Promise me!”
“I promise.” He says, giving in. I walk over to him and give him a hug. He holds me tight, and I can feel him sob. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, I’m scared.” He whispers and I just shake him off.
“You can’t think like that.” I say and go back to my seat. “Everything will be alright.” I repeat about five times. I’m not sure if I did that to reassure my self or my dad.

***

A bundle of pink comes out of the door an hour later. It’s a girl! I now understand why all of those balloons that say things like ‘It’s a bouncing baby girl!!!!!’ have so many exclamation marks.
“Do you want to see her?” the doctor asks me instead of my father at first, and then turns to him too. I nod quickly, because if I hesitate much longer tears will clutter my vision and I don’t need to be worried about dropping my new sister.
“Here you go.” He whispers and I hold her tight to me and bounce lightly, rocking her side to side.
Her skin is pink and fleshy. Huge protruding cheeks make me giggle at their size. She has small hairs that are soft when I run a finger along the top of her forehead. Big brown eyes speckled with shots of gold have me awe struck. Adam walks over to where I am standing and looks over my shoulder. I just now notice that my dad has gone into the room to assist my mother.
“Hello. I’m your big sister.” I silently scream at her in the way you do when you talk to a baby, like everything is so exciting. Tears of happiness cloud my eyes and I smile widely.
“She is beautiful.” Adam whispers, letting her grab hold of his pinkie finger. I’m amazed at how her hand can only take hold half of it.
“You aren’t telling me that I have some competition, are you?” I ask and he laughs at my joke and I kiss her head lightly. “You touch my closet and I will kill you.” I whisper jokingly and she grabs a hold of my hair and tugs. I laugh and make her let go of my hair and squeeze my ring finger instead, squeezing its pulse tightly. She has a very tight grip for a newborn. Then I remember that she is a survivor, so of course she is strong.
“Want to go and see what your mom named her?” Adam asks and I nod, walking into the door we have all been staring at for so long now. Then I see my mom, laying there with a tired smile held on her face. She motions for me to come over to her and I do, taking the baby with me.
“Her name is Tara, it means Star in Indian.” My mom whispers, her voice hoarse like mine was. I feel like hers if either hoarse because of yelling or the same reason mine was, but who knows. Smiling and approving the name my mother has given her I nod again. “I’m naming her that because of the barn and the swing, and well obviously the stars.” My mom says, squeezing my hand that isn’t holding Tara. When Adam puts his head on my shoulder I smile widely and my mom squeezes harder. Finally, my dad takes the baby from me and talks to it in small murmurs choked every now and then by tears.
“It’s not an alien.” Adam whispers in my ear, and I giggle when my mom looks at him funky.
“I know.” I whisper back and she just shakes her head at each of us and closes her eyes, falling asleep almost instantly. After a while of standing there with Adam standing close behind me, holding each of my hands my dad surfaces from his conversation with the new baby and talks to all of us.
“You two can go home, I’ll watch mom and the baby.” He says and Adam nods, pulling me out of the room before I can object.
“Let’s get you home, I think you need some rest.” He says and I smile.
“Let’s go to the barn, please?” I ask and he smiles.
“Okay.”


******


When I walk into the barn it feels like I haven’t been here in ages. The cool air slips into my sweaters holes making me shiver a little. I hug myself and close my eyes, and then I take in the smell of moist dirt from the rain that just started up. I am happy it’s summer now. It seems like school has slipped out from underneath us so quickly.
I am soaked to the bone with water and I am sure my hair is stuck clean to my skull.
“Take a seat.” Adam’s hand waves over to the swing and I do as I’m told. Sitting down I take in a quick breath. “You know what to do.” Adam whispers in my ear, referring to the steps he taught me last time.
Pushing me as hard as he can, Adam makes me fly into the air. My knuckles turn white from my grip on the chains holding the swing up, just like when they were white from holding onto my bags when I first walked into my new room. Suddenly, I am flooded with memories.

I remember my mom and me at the store, how she looked longingly at the baby clothes, and I bet that she’s happy she bought all that baby stuff now.

I remember how I first kissed Adam, and how he looked so shocked afterward. I remember feeling electric in that one second of him kissing me back.

1.)
I close my eyes.

I remember laying on the beach, and how I kissed his hope, and stored it in me.

2.)
I hold on.

I remember sliding down my wall, exhausted from good and bad days alike. I also remember banging on my dad’s door in frustration, then having my mom pull me away in tears.

3.)
I open my eyes.

I remember Adam hanging me off of that cliff. Ha! I still can’t believe I let him do that!!!

I look out the open space in the top of the barn and have the breath taken out of my lungs. It’s gorgeous. The moon is rising just behind the blossoming cherry tree. The awe striking beauty brings a tear to my eye.

4.)
I don’t focus on the bad; instead I acknowledge something good. Something magical.

“What did you acknowledge?” Adam yells, pushing me one last time. When I come back down, I stop myself immediately. I let myself off the swing and turn to see Adam.
I saunter towards him. He walks my way, from his spot where he was pushing me. Smiling, he holds out his hands and I take them. My stomach gets a warm fuzzy feeling and I edge closer to him. His blue eyes look through me and I kiss him, releasing his hands to play with his hair and when he looks at me again I answer.

“You.”

And, that one word answer is the most honest thing I have said in my entire life. I don’t care if he never hangs me off that god damned cliff again to ask me to marry him. I wouldn’t even mind it if he didn’t have a baby with me, one with his beautiful blue eyes. I wouldn’t even care if he didn’t love me tomorrow. Yes, don’t get me wrong, I love Adam, but right now all I need is this one moment. I need him to keep holding my hand and be mine. I need him to kiss me back.

I need him to remain my something magical.

And he does.



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