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Something Magical 17

It has been a month since Adam hugged me goodbye on my porch step. It has been a month and a day since my dad talked to me, because the last time was when he called me at the beach house. It has been a month and half a week since my mother has looked me in the eyes. It has been a month and a day since I haven’t cried in a span of a full twenty-four hours.
It has been a month since the doctor told me that my mother had had a miscarriage and the babies weren’t in the womb, and that I would’ve known sooner except my mother was so excited that she wanted it to be a surprise.

This, of course, was not the surprise we had all wanted.

I don’t want to breathe sometimes. From time to time I find myself sliding down my wall, holding my breath because I swear that I can bring at least one of them back if I am gone. One would be all we need to get through this; maybe not three, maybe not two, but one. Just one! That’s all we need!!!!! That’s all we’ve ever needed for the past month.
But so far all I have gotten is a hundred and three missed calls, sixty text messages, and forty attempts at knocking at my window with pebbles from Adam. I don’t answer though, breaking our vow of sticking together through this. Of all the irregular things that I had thought of, I didn’t think of this. Today I straighten my hair for the first time, I am afraid I haven’t put much thought into my appearance in the past month either. I cover my face with makeup, kicking myself for mot cleaning my face while I dot pimples with cover-up. Today I get dressed and walk out the door. It’s time that I keep my word.

***

“Hello.” It is Travis who answers the door, and when he does his eyes pop when they land on me. “Nichole. I haven’t seen you in ages.” He smiles, or at least tries to smile, maybe to cover up his surprise at my being at his doorstep. “I will go get Adam.” He says and I shake my head no.
“I will get him myself.” I say and walk in past Travis, seeing Alicia and a couple other people. I nod their way and acknowledge how their eyes pop out of their heads at my being here, like I am a ghost or something.
I take the slightly familiar steps to where I think Adam’s room is. I find it, or at least what I think it is. I nudge the door open with the tips of my fingers because it was open a crack before I got there. It is his room.
Sitting on the bed, he looks up to see me, red surrounding his eyes in a puffy texture, a texture I have felt on my own eyes until now. Today is the first day I haven’t cried. Looking at him makes my eyes sting with the threat of tears. I stand there and try to take a picture of this moment with my mind. His chest heaves with breaths and his hand curves with the phone that is still held up to his ear, probably trying to call me again. Adam is paralyzed, jet black hair stringing along his forehead. His hand moves slowly, putting the phone down on the red sheets that are ruffled, probably from troubled sleeping. I made my bed today, I straightened out my problems. I want to fix the problem that I have mad with Adam also.

Adam’s back slowly lifts from the wall he was resting on, like if he lifted himself too quickly I would run away like a scared doe.
“Nichole?” he whispers softly. The answer is obvious but I feel as if they are infinite, like they can come with a million explanations of why I haven’t returned his calls.
“Yes.” Is whisper back, and his all too familiar smile comes to his face and a tear slips down from his left eye. I walk over to him slowly, like our roles have switched and now he is the frightened deer. I sit in his crossed legs, and I kiss the tear that has traveled to his cheek.
“Don’t cry.” I whisper, even though a tear slips out of my eye before I can let the period of my sentence hit the floor and sink into the air. Adam kisses the back of my ear and sighs.
“If you keep kissing away my tears I don’t think I want to stop.” He whispers, the pulls away after he kisses my neck one more time. Looking at me, we laugh, and it feels so good to laugh.
“Ok, then I just won’t kiss you at all.” I joke and he frowns.
“I take it back. I won’t cry.” He says and I smile at us being like this even after the last month.
“Good, you remember that Mr. Florence.” I say and at the mention of his name a smile spreads across his face. I can’t help but think it’s because he’s thinking of that morning in the car with Travis, because that’s what I thought about too.
“I love you Nichole.” Adam’s words sink into me and I get that fuzzy feeling in my stomach. Warmth envelopes I and I feel his arms squeeze around my waist. I loop mine over his neck and squeeze back.
“I love you too.”




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