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Jamie All Over
"Jamie!" Through all the pounding speakers, and the twinkling lights, I hear my best friend Layla call out to me. She comes over, her dress swaying with every step she takes. Layla is beautiful, and if I were into girls like that,I would be all over her, no doubt.
"Hey Lay." I place a fake smile on my face, hoping that she won't see.
" Where's Trevor?" She searches around, and my smile fades, and I apparently cant plaster another one onto my face before she sees.
" Jamie. I'm so sorry." Layla pulls me into a comforting embrace, and I can smell the flowery perfume shes doused herself in.
" What happened?" She asks meekly. One deep breath later, I'm spilling my guts to the last person I have.
"...It's my fault really. I didn't really think that he was doing anything but like the flirting you and I do but then he kissed me and Trevor came in and started screaming at me. I'm such an idiot Layla. I- I love him." And he's gone.
I know Layla hears the unspOKen part of my sobbed speak loud and clear.
"You know something Jamie? Its all going to be OKay.
You are going to be OKay." Her hands run in circles on my back
She leaves for the bathroom, and realize that I have to go on stage and sing in twenty minutes.
I was singing Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. I loved the song. I had to make it a point not to break into tears while on stage.
I stared at the couples walking in, and some waved hello to me, and I responded with a falsetto smile and a quick nod of the head. The clock ticked on.
" Jamie." Layla re-approaches me, with worry etched into her eyes.
"Like you said Layla, I'm going to be OKay." She sits next to me, and lays her brunette head on my shoulder.
"Yes, you are." She smiles, but my eyes are stinging at a pair of hands that enter the dance woven into each other. I could recognize the scar one held on its right middle finger anywhere.
I didn't want to confirm that I had been replaced so easily, and avoided the faces that the hands belonged. to.
"Jamie, you have to go up next, we should head backstage." Layla pulls me from my sorrowful daze and I stand to follow her.
The girl onstage is finishing the last note of Someone Like You,and she sang it beautifully. I made my way to center stage.
"Katie don't cry I know you're trying you're hardest..." I continue to sing as the couples hold each other closer, but a particular two sitting in the middle of the back of the room.
"...But I guess that I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable at best..." Briefly, I allow my eyes to meet with Trevor's, and instantly rip them away, the idea of never loOKing into those warm chocolate puddles and tell the owner I love him to much to bear.
Layla is pulled to the center of the floor, and loOKing at her smiling face lights a small spark of hope as Blake twirls her in circles, love sculpted on his face.
They truly are the forever couple. True love. She deserves it and more
"...In every single way and everything I would give is everything you wouldn't take..." I manage to kept singing, my eyes fluttering to and fro avoiding the one place they truly want to be.
"...And the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay..." The song was barely begun, but it was halfway over. " Because I know I'm good for something I just haven't found it yet...but I need it..."
I pause before singing again, setting my time off but my reason was worth it." So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight..."
Next to Blake and Layla swayed another breath taking couple, and my eyes burned at the faces of the swans next to the princess and prince charming.
" I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance...she'll say yes..." I feel a slow and steady creek run down from my eyes, but quickly wipe them away and place a mock smile as the face of Trevor's. new love spins around, pausing to place a name to the face that stole my everything.
Ryan Thane. He had helped me with so much, and then this. But he loOKed so happy, and he really does deserve happiness.
"... And I got the point that I should leave you alone but we both know I'm not that strong and I miss the lips that made me fly." I try and make it known that I'm singing to Trevor, but I get nothing but a subtle glance before he readjusts his eyes to lay on Ryan's beaming face.
And I knew that I was batting zero. My everything had left me, and I had nothing more.
"... And I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable...And I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable...And I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable Oh, without you Ill be miserable at best." The song hit its last note and I bowed my head, hiding the tears, as I hopped off the stage.
I knew where I was heading. I walked over to Blake first.
" Take care of her, shes amazing and she really loves you, I can see it all over her face." I whisper in his ear before making my way to the Layla.
"I love you Layla. Thank you so much. I have to go now." I pull her into a tight hug, and let my tears silently roll down my face.
But I wasn't done. There was still one person I needed to talk to before I left.
As I made my way over to him, I knew that there was no way I could fake another smile or stop my tears. I focused on anything but who I was making my way to.
And then I stopped. " Trevor I know that I have to go. But you should know I love you, and I know that's not enough. But like I said I have to go. But you should at least know how I fell." I turned and made my way to the exit,hearing two people calling my name. But they weren't important. I have to go now.
A familiar crack of thunder snapped as I got into my car, and drove away from the voices calling for me
I got home soon enough, and climbed the stairs, before I grabbed a pill bottle. It was time to go now. I counted to ten, and closed my eyes on last time.
I told Blake that I had to go make sure that Jamie was OKay,and once he gave me the a-OKay,I high tail my way to Jamie's. He needs a big scoop of cheering up. When I got there, the person at the door lifted their hand to knock, but then brought it back down before making any noise. It was Trevor.
" You hurt him. Jamie didn't deserve what you did last night. He loves you, you know? Well you don't because you're too busy sucking face in front of him in the one place you know he cant run away.-"
" I know. It was stupid."
" I mean seriously have you seen Zack? Did you really think Jamie could stop him from doing anything?" I ignored him, I was furious with him hurting Jamie so much.
"I know. I was too.jealous for my own good, and I told him horrible things. That's why I'm here. I need to make things right, I need Jamie back. I just without him. I love him to. And I need to tell him." He hangs his head, and as I listen for lies in his voice, I hear nothing but regret and sorrow.
" The key is in the rock by the door." I sigh, not forgiving him, but knowing hes what makes.Jamie truly happy. So I had to help him.
Walking inside,the warm abode feels empty and sad. I sit on Jamie's sofa as Trevor ascends the stairs. My eyes drift close and I remember when Jamie first told my that he was gay.
We were in middle school, and we got spires up for seven minutes in heaven.We walked into the closet, and I tried yo kiss him, the long lasting crush id had on him taking full control.
But he dodged my kisses, and I eventually asked why, and he spOKe so low I didn't hear him.
" What? Jamie, you can't always be so quiet.Its just not you." I complain, and he blushes even harder, and speaks up just the tiniest bit, but I can still hear.
"I...like boys ... like you do." He turns into a tomato, but tries to hide it with his long hair.
I'm a little upset. But he's still my best friend. Plus what girl wouldn't want a gay best friend.
" Promise not to tell anyone please Layla." He begs me, lifting his head up. I silently nod, and pull him into a big hug.
"It's OKay Jamie. I promise." I always make that promise to him.
"LAYLA!!!!" Trevor's voice screams, ripping me from my flashback. I am in Jamie's room within a second. He lies in the middle of his bed, a pill bottle spilled next to him.
Trevor is keeping his heart beating, and breathing for him. I search for my cell phone. I fumble on the buttons.
"9-1-1 what is your emergency?" The operator answers, with sniffles in her voice.
" My best friend Jamie Kerstetter has overdosed. He has a small pulse and my friend is performing CPR. We're at 113 Electric Avenue." I scramble for the right words, as Trevor continues to breathe false life into Jamie.
"An ambulance is on it's way. They'll do everything they can.It will be OKay."She spews out the same promise that I've. told Jamie so many times before. I only hope she's right.
I sat in the ER waiting room with Trevor, who brOKe down as soon as they placed Jamie on the gurney.
"Trevor, he's going to be OK. He's got to be OKay. " I mumble words of comfort to him, but mostly for my benefit.
"Stop that. You don't know Layla. Sometimes. you just don't know, and you have to sit there and rely on doctors. And it sucks and scares the h*ll out of you. But you have no idea how it will turn out.'' He spits at me, and I hang my head, because hes right.
But Jamie needs to be OKay. I cant live without him. He's always there for me I can't loose him. I just can't.
" Are you the two who brought Mr. Kerstetter in?"A doctor approaches us, with a loOK of relief etched onto his face. We nod, and he opens his mouth to speak again. "He's doing well, but if you had been any later, the outcome didn't loOK good." I sigh in relief.
"It's OKay.It's all OKay." I sit down and hold my head in my hands.
But Trevor. was already down the hall.
Jamie's alive. I hadn't lost him yet. I bolted to the room number the doctor gave me, and peered into the window.
He was there, a few tubes dripping medicines into his arm. He was awake, his eyes were open and dull. I let my smile fade. I had to make this up to him.
A nurse emerged from the room, and told me I could see him now. I ran to his bed, and realized I had no idea what to say to him.
"Trevor?" He asks after a minute of me just standing there. I turn my head to face him, and see that his eyes hold hidden tears. "Why are you here?Why am I here?" I loOK down at his frail hand, and sigh before giving up a scooping it in mine.
"What are you doing?" He asks, but I still say nothing. I become captivated by the way he talks, by every curve and ridge of his flawless face. I shouldn't have ever been so stupid and asked Ryan to the dance, when I knew he had to be there. I should have screamed any of that at him. He tried to kill himself because of my stupid jealousy.
"I'm so sorry Jamie." That's all I can manage to say, while my head pounds with a million thoughts of how to get him back, but that's all I can say.
"Trevor? You zoned out again. You always do that." He cracks a small smile, but then remembers that were not the couple we used to be, the couple I want to be again, and hopefully so does he.
"I know I'm an idiot Jamie. I get possessive and jealous and over react and I take things to far. I say things without thinking about what they mean. I'm sorry Jamie. You deserve someone so much better than me but thing is I don't want anyone else. I just want to love you for forever, and want you to love me to. I'm so sorry Jamie. I know there's no reason for you to take me back but I just need you to." I find myself spilling my guts instead of zoning out, and I slowly retract my hand for his.
But he grabs on and pulls me weakly back to him. " You know a kiss works just as well." He smiles, tears streaking down his face barely visible in my own watery eyes.
And with his words, my lips are on his, careful not to hurt his fragile body, I wrap my arms around him. "I love you. Jamie. I'm so sorry." He loOKs at me with serious eyes, and within a spilt second his smile beams brighter than the sun.
"I love you too." He lies me down, using my chest as a pillow falls into a soft sleep. Layla was right. It is all going to be OKay.