Distance

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The distance…
It’s killing me.
More and more each day.
Why can’t we go back to before? Before I ruined everything. Before I watched her kiss that guy. Before I lost the only thing I ever cared about. Before I lost my chance. I had it and then I passed it up. I could’ve told her I loved her, but I didn’t. So, of course- being as amazing and beautiful as she is- someone else, who wasn’t as stupid as I, asked her to go. And she had said yes.
And I had been an idiot.
Took it out on her. Pretended to hate her. And of course she’s confused. I apparently hate her and she doesn’t know why.
Now, I’m losing her. She’s moving farther and farther away from me. And now, since I want her- no need her, she’s virtually gone. She’s moving on. Forgetting about me.
And thus…
The distance…
It’s killing me.

The distance…
Widening… growing stronger each passing day.
Why does he hate me?
He’s been avoiding me and is being ever so cold.
I miss him.
The bottle is called in my fingers. I don’t lift it off the rug. I don’t look up. I just spin it. I stare at it as it spins, round and round.
I had only gone to this dumb party because they had told me he’d be here. So I went. To maybe get a glimpse of him. To hear him say my name just once would make it all worth it. Instead, I’m sitting on the ground in a circle, him on the other side… a million miles away.
I hear giggling.
They’re all waiting for who it land on.
As anxious as I.
The bottle stops, as does my breathing. Oh, god. Here we go.
I look up.
My heart stops.


Now, I know I’m staring at her.
And shouldn’t I be? I mean the bottle did just stop on me.
Either fate is cruel or just hates me; it’s a strange irony for me to be the winner. The prize being seven minutes in heaven with my best friend. Our eyes lock across the circle and someone, is dragging us both up to our feet.
My body mechanically walks toward the closet. I hear her footsteps behind me. I hear my heart pounding.
I hear the door click shut behind us, and then it’s dark.


We just stare at each other; His warm brown eyes on mine. I can’t breathe. I swear he must be able to hear my heart pounding. There’s only a half foot between us but in reality, we’ve never been farther apart.
There’s a wall with a few shelves embedded into it, behind me. An expanse of dark, empty space to my right. All I can see over there is a pole stretching across to hang hangars on and a small jacket hanging there. To my left is the door, untouchable. And in front of me is my best friend (or at least I thought he was)- just as untouchable as the door… or maybe even more so.
His dark brown hair hangs messily in his face as his chocolate brown eyes stare into mine, unreadable. His face is impassive. No emotion. He hadn’t always been this way.
What had happened to the boy who knew me better then I knew myself and I him? What happened to the only one who could make me laugh? He has seemed to have vanished into the stranger before me; leaving me behind with only sickness and heartbreak.
What had happened to him?


What had happened to her?
The little girl I had once knew. Climbing trees and swinging from branches, so light and carefree. A goofy grin upon her lips, a witty smile, a telling frown. The one I could depend upon for anything. The same girl who could read my like a book and I her.
What had happened to her?
Her light brown hair hangs jaggedly across her face, giving her a jaded look. The shadows that fall upon that pale soft skin ever so perfectly. Those bright green eyes reveal nothing about what’s going on inside her head. She’s unreadable. Impassive.
That little girl I once knew is hiding behind this wall of a girl. Too much make up, too fake laugh, too forced smile. I miss her. I need her. Need to get to her…
And there’s no way I can get through.


I shift my feet, unconsciously and my left one snags on a strap. I stumble forward with a gasp and my hands immediately go up to deflect my fall. I crumble into his chest, my hands bracing there as his fall to my waist, steadying me while his back crashes into the wall behind him. I stumble forward as he trips back. We’re so close, yet so many thousands of miles apart.
When everything stops, I can hear my heart pounding and feel his hammering under my small hands, made practically microscopic by the vast expanse of his chest. Warm. He’s so warm. Can he my heart too? Our breaths mingling sweetly in the pitch black space. I chance a look up, still braced against him. My eyes lock with his. I hear both our breaths catch. He leans forward impulsively, just a bare half-inch to my mouth.
He starts it.
But I finish it.
I take that inch back without a moment’s hesitation and for a brief second, we just stand there, with our mouths pressed together like two halves of a sandwich, wide eyes on each other. I can’t move, I can’t breathe, I can’t think.
Then, I let my eyes flutter shut and his mouth moves against mine at last.
It’s easy, simple, and perfect.
It’s messy, sloppy, and complicated.
It’s sweet, gentle, and tender.
It’s desperate, needy, and lustful.
It’s us; totally and completely us: a simile and contradiction, a problem and solution, an end and a beginning.
My arms wind their way around his neck as his tighten around my waist and it’s...I have no idea what it is and neither does he. I can hear him now. I knew he’d been there all along.
We both break gasping for air, all walls and facades gone. It’s just us. Just him and me. The way it should be. His forehead rests against mine and arms tighten around my waist as I sway, dizzily. Those eyes are on mine. Open.
He’s open to me. And I can finally see him I’ve finally found him. I finally have him back. He presses a chaste kiss to my lips and says the words I already know to be true, “I love you.”
The sigh that escapes my lips is one of relief and blends with my reply, adding flavor and truth to it, “I love you, too.”
He kisses me again in the tantalizingly, contradictory, desperately, victoriously, perfect way of his and the smile that’s on my lips finds its way to his, simply because….


…The distance between us had finally closed.





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