In Denial

April 4, 2012
You smiled again, and that smile broke the dull silence in my head. It wasn’t intended for me, yet I smiled back. You didn’t see me smiling back at you because I was hidden behind your friends.

She says she likes you, but she hasn’t told you yet. I listen to her stories and wonder if you like her too. She’s a player, I’ve been told. She loves well and dumps hard. I’m not her best friend, just her acquaintance.

She hugs you every time she sees you, but you always remain immobile. I wonder, as you talk to her, if you have any feelings towards her. She talks to you almost all the time, while I stand by and watch. To bring myself to talk to you is as dangerous as walking into a land of mines.

I tell myself over and over again, “I can’t fall in love, I can’t fall in love.” I constantly remind myself about what happened the last time I fell in love. We were never together, but I loved him so much. Until now, seeing his face pains my heart. But you, out of all people, are beginning to replace him. You, who many girls are after; you, out of all the guys in the world; you, whose smile brightens my day; you, who I am trying hard not to love.

Today, I heard that she told you she likes you. You’re so unreadable that I can’t tell if you told her that you liked her as well or not.

I come home with a horrible feeling of uneasiness in my stomach, wishing I had her confidence. I want to know what you told her, but asking one of your friends would cause them to speculate about me. Yes, that’s me. Living in denial.

You’re happy. Laughing and smiling more than you usually do. Her hand is clasped tightly in yours. She looks up at you, and you both smile. This time, I don’t smile back at you. I look away, feeling my eyes sting.

I should have known it was going to end this way. After all, you wouldn’t actually fall in love with me, would you?

I race down the hall, wishing my next class would begin. I try my best to fight the tears that are trying to show how I feel. As soon as I turn one more corner, I stop and sink to the floor, still fighting back the tears.

It’s quiet here, and I know I can stay here for quite a while before my next class starts. If I go back to where I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to hold back any more tears. Who am I to even cry over you? You don’t even know me.

A week passes by, and I don’t see you at all. I see her and ask where you are, but she doesn’t answer.

What happened to you? Did I miss something? Have you moved? I ask your friends, and they laugh at my worried tone. Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Another three days pass, and I’ve somewhat put you aside. I need my grades to remain high. I attempt to pull out my homework sheets from under the many books that I am trying to hold. I fail to do so successfully, and collide into a student.

To my surprise, that student is you. You smile, causing my feelings for you to rush back into my mind. My heart is right about to burst.

“You’re back,” I say bluntly.

Your smile brightens. “Yeah, I am.”

You hand me my homework sheets and the last of my books. I tell you thank you.

Before I go, your lips buzz my cheek and you smile at me again. Were you serious?
I look at you. You’re beautiful. Today, you smiled at me.
She’s in love with me, but I’m not.
I hope you find my note in your books.

Is it possible that you love me back?

Join the Discussion

This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

AbigailElizabeth said...
May 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm
I knew it would be a good one the moment I began reading :) 
xXxCrisxXx replied...
May 28, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Thank you so much! :D
Athena19 said...
Apr. 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm
wow I loved that! I totally related to the protagonist, and found myself cheering her on as I read. The ending made me very happy! thanks for writing such a cute piece!
xXxCrisxXx replied...
Apr. 15, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Thanks! It means a lot! Haha yeah... I was debating on whether or not it should end happily. I decided to go with the happier ending since it's a first. 
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