Be Into Me

March 17, 2012
Oh, it's you.

I was surprised to know that's what you say when you see me. We have been going out for four months now. Not like I'd expect anything more from you.

"Hey. What's up?" you casually say to me.

"Hey! Well, I'm happy today!" I start blushing. Not like you'd know why.

"Cool." That's it?

"Aren't you gonna ask why?..." Not like you'd care.


"Because it's another sunny day and I got to see you!" Not like you'd want to see me.

"Thanks, well I have to go. Bye." Welcome. Bye.

You leave me standing by my locker, absolutely speechless. For the third time this week. We've only held hands once. And we've never kissed. Not even on the cheek. I take showers! Why don't you like me? I don't feel like going to class so I sit in front of my locker, legs crossed, reading my romance novel. They make it seem so easy. Girl likes boy. Girl blushes. Boy notices. They fall in love. Valentine's Day is coming up. Flowers? A hug for once?? A conversation where you actually smile at me? I bury my face in my book. Hoping the words will flow out into my everyday life. Hoping I'll have what seems only possible in daydreams and novels.

**End of the day**

So I'm sitting on the bus staring out the window as I do everyday. Looking at trees and whatever else we pass by. Waiting for this one street, with this one tree. The one that means something to me. The one with our initials and a poorly carved heart. I did the heart and you did our initials. I felt my heart quicken when we passed by. I looked three rows behind me, to your usual spot. Sitting with her again? Yea, that doesn't make me jealous at all. She lays her head on your shoulder. Would you ever let me do that? No. She hugs you. No. You smile at her and laugh at her stupid jokes. No. Still not jealous. You whisper something to her then she looks at me, laughing and whispering back to you. I see your face turn a pinkish color. Yes. Now I'm jealous. Who would've thought you know how to hug, or smile, or have your heart swell up? I should be the one making you do that.

**Later that night**

*Signs in*

Me: Heyy!(:

-20 minutes later-

Him: oh, hey.

Me: How's it going?

Him: good

Me: That's great, I was just thinking about you <3

Him: cool. I have to go now. wait, do you want something for v-day?

Thoughts: If I say yes, he'll have to go through the trouble of getting me something. He knows nothing about me! If I say no, he'll think that I'm doubting him and saying that he gives bad gifts. Not like he's given me one before.

Feelings: Only a single red rose, like on our first date. And also a hug. I miss hugs from you. You're not the same anymore.

Me: Hmm. I dunno. Do whatever you want.

Him: okay. bye

He logs off before I get a chance to say "bye". He can't ever do the "No you hang up first!" thing. He's an independent person. Unless of course he's around any girl that's not me. I check the time and it's 11:11pm. I remember when we used to make a wish together. He used his kitchen clock and I used my computer clock. I'd ask him what he'd wish for and he'd say "No. Then it won't come true! You'll have to wait and find out!" I miss those days. Lying in bed, writing in my journal, finishing a poem I'd written days before.

Hold on to me

Even if I'm not the only one in your heart

Hold on to what we have

Even if it's just a spark

Hold on to love

Even if you want to waste time

Hold on to your heart

Even if it seems lost

**Next day at school**

I don't bother running up to you and hugging you from behind. Making you guess even when you know it's me. Holding on to your hand and slowly letting go while I walk backwards away from you. Like how they do in the movies. What a false reality. Nobody does that. Only people who live in their daydreams. Like me. But I won't. You've lost interest in me. You obviously don't care. Not like I thought you would.

Same routine. Sitting by my locker. Skipping class. Too upset to learn about Tangents and Cosines. I'd rather sit here and read my overdue romance novel and think of how much I thought we had. It would be too obvious to keep a box of tissues next to me while reading this sappy crap. Instead I'd hold in my tears. Probably because I'm too jealous of the characters to show any emotions on how good the author is at faking things. He slowly reached towards me. Brushing his hand across my cheek to place a sliver of hair behind my ear. As he's moving his fingers slower and slower grazing my neck and stopping slowly at my collarbone. It's as if the world itself stopped and there's only the heat from our love and the adrenanline flowing through my vains whenever he gets closer to me. Gee, that definitely makes me feel like I'm in a good relationship. My guy won't even smile at me. He never laughs at my jokes. He never tells me I'm beautiful. He never cares. Not like I'd expect him to.

I hear someone cough right next to me. Not the sick, germy kind but the "give me your attention. now" kind. I look up and see the face I'm completely in love with. No matter how much I deny it. Not like I would.

"Hey." Typical him.

"Oh. Um. He-elloo" The words didn't feel like my own. What was he doing here? He's supposed to be in class! How does he know where my locker is? How long has he been standing there?

"What's your favorite color?" Did he really just come here to ask what my favorite color was?

Thoughts: Blue! Always has been always will be. I hate how people assume that EVERY girl likes the color pink. I want to be a symbol of diversity.

Feelings: Red. Like the rose you gave me. You took off all the thorns and told me it was because you only wanted to notice the beauty of love and not the pain it can cause. We both knew that you took them off because I'm clumsy!

"Red." What can I say? Feelings get the best of me!

"I was hoping you'd say that" I think he just...smiled.

"Why? What's going on?"

"I have to go. Bye."

He was halfway down the hall before I could open my mouth to speak. While he was rounding the corner I surprised myself by saying four words. I miss you already. It was only a whisper, but even that seemed too loud. Not like anyone would hear.

**Valentine's Day**

I looked for him all day. It's like he dissapeared from the face of the Earth. I wish he'd be here for one last attempt at me winning his heart once again. Today doesn't feel like a normal day. I feel like I owe something to myself. I walked into class and took my notebook out of my bookbag. I walked outside and instead of sitting by my locker, I actually opened it. Right. Left. Right. *Click* I haven't used this in weeks. There was no time to think about how I could've ever remembered my combination because I got hit by something on the head. It felt sharp and unusual. I was hoping that no one was trying to murder me. I started bending over to pick it up when I noticed what it was.

It was a red rose. Thorns and all. Note attached.


I hope you don't think I've forgotten your love for roses. Remember our first date? Your cheeks were almost as red as the rose itself. As we grew together we have gained thorns. Such an awful thing. I took care of them last time, because you're kind of clumsy. Now here's your chance. Everytime you think of me, take a thorn off. Soon we'll only see the beauty in love again. I miss those days. Hope to see you afterschool. I couldn't dare see your face while reading this. Much too shy. At least I can see you today. Feel your fingers intertwined with mine as we sway to the music-less chaos around us. Look into your eyes and smile, knowing that you're the one for me. Until then...

A boy you could never stop loving

Join the Discussion

This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

Zuccini75 said...
Apr. 2, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Awww... Cute letter and message nearly made me laugh out loud - (giddiness not ridicule) :) This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 31, 2012 at 10:49 pm
This is very well written. I, too, enjoy how the protagonist refers to romance novels in a bittersweet fashion.
RedNielsen17 said...
Mar. 31, 2012 at 8:16 pm
That's almost like me and my last boyfriend... but ours didn't have a happy ending. My version was we break up, we'll be happier. But I love how you make it seem like the romance novels are a lie (which they are haha) and I love how you wrote it...beautifully done. :) 
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