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Infatuated. To inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion. So I guess that means I am infatuated with you. That may sound a little crazy or weird but let me explain how it all began…
It was about a year ago. We had gym together, although we never really talked. My friends thought I was crazy; they still think I am. But when I saw you standing across the room, I know there was something special about you. Maybe it was your laugh, your smile, or your eyes, but whatever it was, it caught me by surprise. I know it’s a silly notion, but it’s true.
Some say it is lust, but it wasn’t. I am not sure of a lot of things, but I was sure of you. When I saw you, I saw honesty, humor, kindness, intelligence. I imagined you to be the perfect gentleman-one who opens doors and treats a girl like a princess. I fantasized that you would soon be my prince charming. And by the look of things, I didn’t think it would be long until I got to call you mine.
Fast forward two weeks. Homecoming week. That was a great week. It was the week I caught you looking at me multiple times, the week we threw the football, the week you called me cute, the week we first talked. Gosh that was a great week. I remember it perfectly…
It started out innocently, exchanging a few subtle glances. At least I thought that it was subtle, but apparently it was really obvious. Did you know that? I didn’t. But after those glances, you joined me and some guys to throw the football. Of course, I was thrilled. I remember all the guys were impressed with my spiral, but I didn’t really care; I just wanted you to notice me. And it worked. You joined us the next day and the day after that. You even joined me and my friend in volleyball…gosh I was so excited. I don’t think you understand what kind of impact you had on me. I didn’t think it could get any better, but it could and it did.
I walked over to your group during lunch to talk to a friend. I had no idea you were there, otherwise I would have checked my reflection so that I looked somewhat presentable. But you were there, sitting in the middle of all your friends. And after I came back to talk to your friends (I had briefly left to say hello to someone), you were miraculously sitting right in front of me. You had an expectant look on your face, probably waiting for me to say something, but I stayed quiet. Just seeing you there, looking at me, not caring if anyone saw…I was overwhelmed. It was the strangest feeling. I can imagine it now…I probably looked so strange…staring at you flabbergasted.
I guess you found that charming, because later you told my friend I was cute. Imagine that! Oh, I remember exactly my reaction…a beaming smile, a little twirl and then I practically skipped to my next class.
Imagine my surprise when later that night, we exchanged our first words. It was at the homecoming game. Well, the team wasn’t playing too well and I was getting bored. I saw you throwing the football and I was compelled to be around you. I was dragged by my friends to throw the ball with you. We seemed to do that a lot…just tossing the football around. Man, I was so embarrassed. But when you threw the ball to me, I forget about how my cheeks were bright red. I remember that I accidently threw the ball in a perfect spiral right over your head. I gave you a sheepish look and you started laughing. Gosh…your laugh is such a pleasant sound. I know it’s silly, but it’s true.
Some adults had come to talk to our little group and you stood there awkwardly waiting for someone to throw with you. I saw my chance and took it. I said to you “Here. I’ll throw with you.” You flashed me a huge grin and said “okay.” So we threw the ball, just me and you. No one else. We didn’t really talk and a comfortable silence enveloped us. It was as if we didn’t need words to express how we felt…it was already clear by the look in our eyes.
That night, after I had gotten home, I couldn’t get the lyrics out of my head “…I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew, it was enchanting to meet you…” It was all too good to be true.
We had texted for a couple days and went out to dinner in a group. I was almost positive there was something happening between us. My infatuation had turned into a huge crush. And maybe, just maybe you were falling for me too.
I was so hopeful the next Monday when I walked into school. When you passed me, you had the same look in your eyes as always, but there was a strange look on your face. I remember that it worried me. I later realized that that would be the look that changed our path…as if we even had a path together. I had just imagined that you had feelings for me. But as time passed, I figured that you would forget about me and I could walk down the hallway without being embarrassed. I don’t know why I was embarrassed, but I was.
Whenever you saw me, the look would appear on your face. It was a mixture of longing and pain. It confused me every time I saw you, but I was too afraid to ask what I had done. I wanted to say sorry, but I didn’t know for what. And I wanted to take back all our time together, if I was the reason that you were hurting. But I just figured it would be easier to say goodbye. So I guess this is goodbye.

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