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Shades of Gray

Your hands caress me. Softly. Like you always do. It's almost like you're afraid of breaking me. But you're not. I know you're not. We've been through too much for you to be afraid.
This time you're different, though, distant almost. Absentminded. Like you are afraid – or nervous. What do you have to be nervous of, my love? We've been through so much. How can you be nervous?
You draw away from me and I almost miss the words your lips form. Almost. But I hear enough. My heart cracks. How can you even conceive of this thing? We've been through so much. I ask what you mean and you repeat the words. Those heart-breaking tear-jerking words. Then you walk away; ignoring the shattered debris you leave in your wake.
My mind is reeling. How could you? I can feel my world crumbling, disintegrating around me. My knees shake and I stumble over to a bench. The bell rings, but I ignore it. Red bits, like pieces of shattered glass, act like shrapnel in my chest. How could you?
A month passes in slow spurts, yet a hole still remains. Black as night, it sucks out any light. I stumble whenever I see you. You won't even look at me. My friends call you a jerk and other, more profane names. But you weren't any of those when we—when we were together. I still can't think of it without crying. How could you? How?
You're friends tease you whenever I pass by. You simply shrug at their jabs. I… I suppose you didn't think much of the social repercussions your decision would have.
Yet, life goes on, a dull gray comparison to the color of what I once led. And another month slips by, seemingly faster than the last. I don't cry – often – anymore. I can walk properly now. My heart jerks whenever I see you, though. How—how could you?



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Atl.Braves03This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I really liked the use of "how could you." It shows the reader what the character is feeling and what the audience should be focusing on. My only advise would be to try to add more compound and complex sentences into the article. They help the work flow together better. 
 
Darbs1325This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Stupendous, it was very sad...  and well written.. keep up the Great work... :D 
 
musicalginger said...
May 19, 2012 at 11:39 am
it was a little sad... but it was great!
 
Ballerinagirl1016This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 2, 2012 at 7:00 am
This was very sad but well written
 
Bookwizard said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Great story! I swore it was a poem when I started haha but it was really perfect.
 
lizerina776 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 4:11 pm
i love this! it's really descriptive without being boring, and her feelings seem really realistic. nice job :)
 
Writer_Jordan said...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Beautiful story--I can see it in poetry form as well! thankfully ive never been in a breakup yett
 
SElahi said...
Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Great story! It was easy to feel the emotions of the narrator. I'd love to read more of your writing; keep up the good work!
 
SElahi replied...
Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Please also read and rate my story, "Hot Chocolate and Hope". Thanks in advance!
 
ShadowRealms said...
Apr. 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Amazing! Beautiful and heartbreaking all in one. Your imagery was quite masterful and it felt as if it was actually happening to me. You MADE IT REAL. Keep up the writing, I loved it! 
 
ShadowRealms said...
Apr. 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Amazing! Beautiful and heartbreaking all in one. Your imagery was quite masterful and it felt as if it was actually happening to me. You MADE IT REAL. Keep up the writing, I loved it! 
 
BakeryBoss28 said...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 10:32 am
This is amazing. It was constructed beautifully, I felt the emotion. I Think this is a really good piece. Good Job :)
 
JesusFreak3This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 14, 2012 at 6:58 pm
This was awesome. This describes how  so many of us feel and the emotion was clear. You have a really cool style like someone said. I hope this gets published in the magazinge! Really good.
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 3, 2012 at 9:53 am
This was really good, I especially liked your use of repetition. You have a really neat style.
 
ArtemisiaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm
This is so emotional... and it felt so personal, like a memoir. I really like it. Fantastic job!
 
MoraleAsh said...
Feb. 17, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Woah, this is deep. I love it! It's the perfect length and I really enjoy the concept combined with your style of writing. Great job!
 
Calliashi said...
Feb. 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Wow. Wonderful! Poetic. It's a great story! :)
 
SteelJam said...
Feb. 16, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Hi, I really liked the emotion behind this! It was really deep, but I think that you could stretch out the moment when he breaks up with her just a little bit more, but beside that, I could REALLY feel what this girl was feeling; I could feel her pain, and how she's trying to be brave, but she's still sad. I love it.
 
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