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I squeezed my eyes shut and heaved a sigh. The sky darkened as yet, another raindrop splattered on my bare neck. I opened my eyes to look across at the woman near the water. Her fingers grazed the grass as she moved forward, possibly towards something only her eyes could see, a new beginning.

I let her go, well aware that it may not prove to be the most wise decision i ever made but still, I let her go. I let her approach whatever she seemed so ready to embrace. There was something in her eyes when she asked me to take her away, desperation, maybe. Whatever it was, it had definitely put aside all the reasons for me to do otherwise. I smiled at her ongoing parade and beamed at the thought of how well she managed to abide by the rules of life, even after everything that had happened. Maybe the idea of survival entailed pain and grief but I always hoped there was a limit, atleast for her.

Unconsciously, I followed after her.

She sat down on the deck, we were quite far away from all of civilization, let alone the car. The weather had not improved, there was a light drizzle now. I slowly sat down next to her. Her eyes had started to blur, her emotions unveil. I did not fully understand how capable she was of smiling through the tears every single day, neither did I understand what to do right then. I reached for her hand. It may have been years since we last held hands but the feelings were fresh. My heart still failed to respond right away, I still exhaled in short, shallow breaths. We had never kissed, not when we were in high school, not when I left for college, not even now that I had come back. So you might understand now why my heart reacted the way it did when we held hands. I tried to look into her eyes but she wouldn't let me. She gazed into the distance, probably still trying to find herself within the moment. Though she was still in tears and her hair was tied into a messy bun, her beauty still managed to enthrall me. I stared at her half-hidden face. Her eyes still hadn't seen mine. That was not a problem, as long as I could still be this close to her.

My senses had suddenly been captivated by an urgency to close the few inches of space seperating us. I fought back myself from doing something incredibly stupid, she had always trusted me and I couldn't let my hormones betray me now. I was still so childish, I realized. She had gained so much maturity over the years, I noticed that in the way she talked, the way she smiled, even at the jokes I cracked in attempt to cheer her up, but it was like she was scared to laugh, like it would give too much away. Like I would understand right away that there was nothing in her laughter, no depth to her emotions. And here I was, fighting an urge to kiss her.

I looked away, I couldn't. I swallowed down the intensity of the moment. It was over, the time had passed long before I had even started to consider it. There was no space for love in her life now. She had forgotten what it was like to be with me, I knew that and i understood why. I didn't blame her. After her parents passed away, she was the only person left in charge of her younger brothers. She faced the harsh cruelties of life way before I recognized them and I couldn't blame her for that. Taking up two jobs afterschool, giving up college, giving up all the dreams she had once fantasized about. The rest of her family did not bother to help after the first few months. I grunted in disgust. I wished there was something I could do.

I looked back at her, gaze softening at her tears. Only if there was something i could do. I knew now that her brothers grew up, she wanted out but her love for them wouldn't let her. She cared too much. Her lips started to tremble but as soon as she noticed she was not alone, she bit her lower lip, afraid to trust anyone with her emotions, I guessed. I couldn't hold it in anymore. The urge was back, I left her hand even before she realized the change in my position. I closed my eyes and kissed her. Surpisingly, she did not push me away, I felt a smile beneath my lips. That was it, my heart had gone wild. I could feel the blood rush to my face, the feeling had me hypnotized. After a few seconds, she placed a hand on my chest and pulled away. I realized I couldn't have asked for more. My eyes didn't budge, i was still spellbound. Though the moment was ephemeral, it was strong enough to stop time in it's being, like it was heaven-sent, just like her.

And the words I have been meaning to say all along left my lips:

"Marry me?"

She looked at me, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. And I could see the pain gradually leave her eyes, I smiled. She didn't answer though, her hands found mine in the setting sun and her grip was strong. I took that as a yes.

I had thought her heart was like a wheelbarrow, difficult if not impossible to move. Well then, I had done the difficult. The statement was phrased again, childishly, I thought. I smiled despite myself. To a new beginning, then.

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DreamrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 9, 2012 at 9:36 am:
So pretty.
Pink_GumdropThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 10, 2012 at 6:47 am :
aaw thank you!
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