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I can remember the first time I had met you. I was meeting a few friends at the park and you were with them. I was wary about you because you had this certain look about you. They were talking and you were just watching where you were stepping, sometimes glancing at them when they were talking to you and you smiled. That was the first and only time I saw you smile since that day.
My best friend, Amanda, ran over to me and I got up off the bench, preparing myself for the normal I'm-going-to-crush-you-to-death hug. "You came!" She pointed out, her arms crushing my ribs.
"Well yes.." I muttered, patting her back as a sign to let me go before she broke a rib. "If I didn't come I wouldn't hear the end of it." I tilted my head down and lowered my voic. "So who's the new guy?"
"Oh, right. Amz this is Gabry, we ran into him on our way here. Gabry, this is Amz."
All you did was nod your head at me and said "Hi". Then you put your head back down and kicked a stone away. I didn't bother saying "hi" back. I felt Amanda wrap her arm around mine and then walk away, the others following. I had let your pressence pass over, listening to Amanda talk and we even argued. But we settled them and we finally got to our normal hang out place, an opening behind an empty building. You stood off to one side while we all talked.
It was obvious the others were trying to get you involved and sometimes you would talk for a while and then seem to close in again. It wasn't long before I got in a fight over an argument. Amanda stopped it but not before it went from a verbal fight to a physical fight.
I called it a night and stormed away, eyes burning holes in my back. When I went home you never crossed my mind. The only thing that kept repeating in my head was the fight, when I should have ducked and when I should have struck. I was slow like that but I have gotten better...
Not that you would know.
The next day I was hesitant to come but I did eventually. As it turned out the fight had blown over. You were there again but it seemed you had opened up a little. You were talking more but you didn't smile. Of course Simon had taken to glaring at you at some points when you talked to Amanda. I guess it was jealousy.
Eventually you left, you said you had something to do. We talked more and there were the odd small fights. We then all went on our own ways and went home. I didn't expect you to had been waiting for me. We walked and talked and I found myself enjoying it, but I hid it. I had always hid my emotions, remember?
It was this day that I began to hate you. I had noticed you weren't with us and Amanda wasn't talkative. Of course, I had arrived late so I hadn't known what was wrong... when I did find out I left early and went to find you. And when I did... I think I landed the first blow. But then I was still naive and the fight was on your side.
You had me pinned against the wall with my arm twisted behind my back. "I didn't touch her!"
"It seems like you tried to do more than that!" I had snapped.
When sweet-talking me didn't work you threatened me and my friends. Even my sister and close friend. You were throwing fuel on the fire. For a few days I ignored you... how stupid I was to be blind that I would have loved you this much.
The day I talked to you again was the day we went back to being friends. I didn't tell the others because I knew they wouldn't have liked it. Not after what you did. I told you about the water fight I had had and my mistake of wearing a white t-shirt that day. I think that was the time I started having water fights with you too. Though this time I didn't wear white. The next few days I saw you smile more and I loved it. You then set yourself the task of making me blush and you failed many times. The day you made me blush was the day you kissed me. "Together forever"... that's what you said. What we both promised.
And we bring up the "I'm naive" part again. I saw you with a girl. You and her were arguing and I watched from a distance. "I loved you." You had said to her. I had never experianced heart break before. But it was there. I let it slide, ignored it and pretended that I had never heard you say that. But I heard the same thing with another girl.
You were a player, weren't you? And you played me! I didn't let myself fall for anyone, didn't let anyone get as close to me as you got close to me!... But that's my fault isn't it? Of all people to let in my heart I let you in. I was a fool. A fool in love.
We argued again. More than usual. And we even stopped talking to each other as much as we did. But I didn't stop loving you. You were always the first and last thing on my mind. I wanted to go back to when I was blind to the fact you were a player. Back to when we had fun. I just wanted to be able to tell you I loved you freely. And then... it happened.
You came over to me and you wouldn't look at me. "We need to talk."
We sat down on the bench and I was both a bit worried and slightly happy. "What about?" I asked.
I watched you, waiting for you to reply when you did. "I've met someone and we got talking. I think she's the right one..."
Your mouth moved but I couldn't hear any words. My chest ached. But not as much as my heart. It felt like it was being crushed. Like it was closing in on itself. But I hid the fact I was dying inside. I smiled and didn't tell you how I really felt. I told you I was happy and you hugged me. It hurt that hug but I burned it in my memory so I wouldn't forget.
You were smiling again. And that was all that mattered. But it didn't stop me from breaking down in tears.
I'm glad you found someone you can be happy with. I'm glad there is someone making you smile and giving you fond memories. But please don't forget about me and the fact I do still love you...