What If

What if love did not exist?
What if the ability to fall in love was obsolete and all feelings towards one another were mutual? What if we didn’t have to bother about dates and couples and how much of an outcast you were if you didn’t like someone?
Would I be so sad right now? Would I look at a picture of me and him, kissing under a palm tree, his hands on my back, and feel nothing but sorrow? Would we have remained friends, and would he not be with that friggin’ curvy cheerleader right now? Would he be with me, like we always used to be, just as close as two friends could be?
What if I never realized I was in love with him? What if I never fell that night, the night of the dance? What if he never picked me up, and refused to let go the rest of the night as we twirled on the floor? What if we never kissed?
What if we never made that mistake last year? What if I hadn’t decided to keep the baby anyway, knowing that I would never be able to go to college now; I had to care for my daughter? What if I didn’t love her enough to give her life?
What if he hadn’t gotten scared when I told him I was pregnant? What if he had stayed, promised to support our baby, be a part of her life? What if he hadn’t told me that I had to choose, him or my unborn child? What if I had not chosen my daughter?
What if she had not been healthy? What if she had died and I was all alone, with no daughter or lover? Would he have come back? Would he have said that he was sorry, that he loved me still, and that he wanted me to take him back? Would I have taken him back?
What if I had never even met him? What if he had stayed in Maryland, where he was born, and I in New York? What if we both didn’t move to Pennsylvania, and befriend each other due to the commonness of our new arrival? What if he hadn’t fallen in love with me?
What if he loved our daughter as I did? Why didn’t he? Why could he not look into her eyes, my brown eyes, and see how wonderful she was? Why could he not see red hair, his red hair, and instantly love her? What kept him from this love?
What if love did not exist? What if it doesn’t exist? What if it was just an illusion, created by people what wanted to control us when we are under the spell of the most powerful substance in the world, hormones?
What if love did exist?





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