Tutored to be Loved Chapter 10: Goodbye Innocence

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“Hey, babe. It’s me. Call me back when you can.” I hung up as I just left a message to Sean. I have to let Sean know. I’ve been hiding this secret for two weeks now. Luckily, Sarah has not told anyone, yet. I know I won’t be friends with her, and our friendship is officially now finalized and done. My mind was still spun around with thoughts about this whole situation. I am not ready to be a mother. I am Lily Robins. Not a mother. An hour later, Sean called me back.

“What’s up, honey?” He asked. I was hesitant- but I had to tell him.

“Can you meet me at my house? Let’s take a walk.”

“Um, sure. Why? Is everything okay?” His voice sounded worried.

“Just come over, please.” I demanded. Sean pulled up with his pick-up truck a half hour later, and I felt nauseated. Once he saw me, his face lit up.

“Hello dear.” He greeted me with a kiss on my front porch. The sun was out and it was a little cold. “How are you?”

I paused. My hand was on my stomach, just rubbing it. “I am not so great. How are you?”

“Life could not get any better.” He held my hand as we walked through my neighborhood.

“That’s great to hear. Um, Sean- I have some news to tell you.” His face turned tense, but he tried to smile. It didn’t work.

“What is wrong?”

“Do you remember that one night where we hooked up?”

“Yeah….” He seemed concerned now.

“You know how things happen when people have sex?” I asked him.

“Yeah, but nothing happened, right? You don’t have an STD or anything, do you?” He rushed his words and he could not have been any more confused.

“Actually, something did happen to me. “ I paused. My face and shoulders could not relax. I looked at him in his beautiful eyes. “Sean, I love you. I really do. That night turned into something more than I expected. “I smiled a little. “But now- our lives will be un-expecting.”

He looked at me once more trying to comprehend what I was trying to say. “What are you trying to say?”

I had to. There was no stop in me. “Sean, I am pregnant.” Sean backed away from me. I never saw somebody so astonished. He stopped and sat on the curb. His reaction was just like mine, except he knew he can’t run away.

“What-what-“His voice was crumbling down into the voice of somebody so weak. He was always so strong. “What are we going to do?” He looked up at me as I stood there watching him fall. I hated doing this.

“I don’t want to have an abortion. Nor do I want adoption. I want this baby to be ours. So this baby could have loving family.”

“I want our – our- child to be protected to. But I don’t think I should be the father. My music career is taking off, and we don’t have any financial support.” He looked at me as I sat down next to him.

“Shh….” I whispered in his ears as I rubbed my hand against his back. “I promise. We will tutor each other how to be the best parents we can be.”

***


The news about my pregnancy came around the school quickly. Thanks to Sarah. Teachers made me stay after class to discuss this “rumor”. I hated this. I felt so ashamed. I didn’t want to go to school anymore, but I knew I had to. I wanted to die in a hole. After school, I went to the library and had to research about pregnancies. Apparently, I’ll be getting sick- vomiting, dizziness, headaches, and more. My mom and I had not been talking a lot. She sent me a text message saying that we needed to talk after school. I didn’t know what to expect. I walked home on this sunny day and opened my door. There she was in our living room, sitting on the couch.

“Take a seat.” Her voice was dissonant. I proceeded to do so. I became tense.

“Yes, mother?” I asked.

“We need to talk about this pregnancy.” She cleared her throat. “I did my best for you after these seventeen years of taking care of you. I did not want you to be in the same situation as me.” Her eyes started to water.

“I know that, mom. You did a fantastic job of raising me.”

“Not good enough to let you get away with having sex with Sean.” I started at the ground. “I have never been so disappointed with you in my entire life.” Now my eyes started to water. That was the one thing I never wanted to hear from my mother.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I never wanted to be a mother at this age. I never wanted this to happen.” I started to cry.

“I was in the exact same shoes as you when I was your age. Although what I didn’t tell you was your father went into the army. He promised he would come back, but he never did…”

“Why did you lie to me this whole time?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Well you hurt me already.” I walked away and up to my room. I slammed my door and continued to cry. I cried for my father. I cried for my child I would be giving birth to. I cried for my life that would be ending. I cried for the mistakes I made. I cried for my innocence back.





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