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My College Boy

“So you’re single now?” he asked with honest curiosity. After a wonderful afternoon, we were sitting on my boat dock, and I knew this question was going to arise. So I replied with, “Yeah I guess, I tried the whole high school serious relationship thing, guess I was to screwed up for it to work...So now I am just living the fun life!” the last part of that was full of sarcasm. He looked at me with those huge hazel eyes, and I knew he knew the truth. So he said, “Really? I heard you were quite the school hoe now days.” Without looking at him I said, “Yeah that’s the way you found me that’s the way you left me.” Once again I looked up at those eyes but this time I saw hurt. Oh crap I thought; please don’t say I ruined this. No I needed this little time I hadn’t seen him in forever! No please say he will forgive me! And that was when I could fell them coming, tears, I was hoping I could keep them in until he was gone again. But I guess not. That was how I knew I was forgiven, because he pulled his arms around me, and pulled me against his chest. Something he had done a thousand times before but this time it was different.
Damn she had gotten hotter over the years, why didn’t I keep her? So what if I was thousands miles away in a school full of girls? Because she had always been pretty but nothing like this. Her body had finished maturing and it was tanned and wonderful. She honestly just looked older, she had grown and her hair and it now laid in large wet waves down her back. And even without makeup she looked real good. But no, I hadn’t been here for years. The second I got back into town I was not going to get myself back into the same old serious, Hanna and Adam thing. I had already seen some of her friends, and somehow they didn’t look as different as she did. I tried to keep my presence a secret. Word traveled way too quickly around here, and I didn’t need flocks of has-beens stalking me. Thank god she was still best friends with Hayden or I would have had no idea who to talk to about making sure she was home when I showed up to “hang out”. I could tell Hayden was in no was delighted to see me here again. When I asked her she replied with a bitter laugh, “you really don’t know what you left me with did you?” I didn’t question how Hannah had coped those first few months; truthfully I didn’t want to know. There were reasons with I broke all ties with her and this town. But I was back now; I had to keep reminding myself that. I just didn’t know if I wanted to say or not. I could tell a lot of things had changed, with her mostly. She held herself in such a way that she was afraid. I was guessing she had probably developed a complete fear for men, letting them use her body then leavening before they could hurt her. The little I did know was because of Zach. He was my best friend, and the only connection I still had to this town. Unlike me he decided to stay here. No doubt he had probably spared me some of the bloody details of her life but he just said, “Yeah her first year was rough, she still won’t even look at me.” One I had arrived he had showed me all the guys who had been taking advantage of my girl. My mind still referred to her as. Not that I hadn’t had lots of fun with every Kentucky girl that ever ended up in my dorm. As I looked back, if I was sober, I always choose the girl that looked like her, my girl…Hannah.
Wow oh wow he had gotten stronger! I tried to make myself stop crying so I could get some of my questions answered. But his chest was so warm, and if I stopped crying I could hear his heart beat. The last time I had ever seen him he had held me like this, late into the night, before he spoke the words I knew had to come. That brought back memories that I had tried so hard to forget. But they still hurt just as bad as when he first left. It was a Friday, he left that Sunday. He came to pick me up from work, I had just turned sixteen and he was about to turn nineteen. I had my bi-lo work clothes on, I never did have to wear something fancy to impress him. We jumped the fence to the elementary school playground and I was sitting on his lap in the swing. We were just watching the cars past, suspended in the air by the metal chains of the swing. His protective arms wrapped around my waist. After he said those haunting words, the tears had started to come. Like big rain drops, plop, plop, plop on his shirt as he held me like he was now.
I closed my car door and stood there watching flakes of rust flutter down onto the pavement. Every emotion in my body was going on full blast and it was confusing as hell. I loved her yet I knew I couldn’t have her, but yet I needed her with every cell in my body. Not that I didn’t miss her and all but somehow leaving her hadn’t been that hard. Yeah I had moments were I missed her, but the school work and crazy parties kept me plenty busy. The point was that somehow I hadn’t cared as much but now I had this feeling like there was no way I would ever be able to leave her again. I could never turn that car around and drive to wherever I need to go. I could get a job here, but there was no way I could stay here, Hannah or not this town had keep me here eighteen years already. I don’t really know at what point I had realized that I still loved her. After all her tears finally stopped she lifted herself from my chest which caused me great discontent. Because I could have held her there forever, but she had to go she said. She was attending night classes at the local community college. No big university like everyone expected I thought to myself. But we never did kiss or anything just walked back up got the death glare from her mother who I guessed also agreed that I was just going to break her heart again. Now I am here, writing all my thoughts in this old leather book. Journal keeping another trait that I had gained from her. A normal guy would quick leave town, but I am not normal and I don’t know what to do…
I was sitting her in class and I cannot focus. Staring off into space, everything reminds me of him, his face his eyes, his, lips. Oh how I wanted his lips. This reminded me so much of my high school life. I sat and relived every moment of today then after class finally ended I walked to my old truck and started to drive home. I got in the driveway and leaned my head against the back of the seat. Breathe I said to myself. He doesn’t love you like that anymore, chill. I counted my lung movements for awhile then grabbed my bag and walked inside. All the lights were on. I entered my room and set down my things. It was then I hear the deep laughter. It sounded like Adams laughter. The laughter that always spread a smile across my face. I almost ran out into the hall then into the living room it was there that I saw my father and Adam laughing. My dad says, “I forgot how funny this boy is Hannah.” With that Adam stood up and said, “Hannah your home.” I gave him a baffled smile and he walked over to me, looked deep into my eyes and said, “Hannah I love you, I always have, and the moment I saw you today I realized I never stopped. I promise I will never leave you again. If you want to stay in this town I will do that for you because I cannot be me without you.” A gigantic smile broke across each of our faces he picked me up and spun me around, and then finally after four long years of waiting, he kissed me.



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