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It's Not Like I Asked For This

Love begins with not a connection but a recognition of faults. Not small tiny faults, the ones that dont matter, such as, they never clean up their mess or they don't floss after brushing. No, the ones that slice your mind in half and combust on impact.

What I'm saying is I know you. I know your mother, your father possibly even your old hound dog with one ear and a blue collar. I can comb the shores, dive into the ice on yuor veins and make it no ones but mine. No one laughed when you broke your leg riding a busted skateboard but me. Never before has a girl beat up Frank Moore the neighborhood bully witha schoolf binder and a ruler to stop the sobbing of a black haired boy with starlit eyes.
We conquered mountains that were only sandhills, dragons that were nothing but my brother, and lands with a yellow sky and the ocean was tears we never cried for we had each other to grasp. even over years though our lands were long dead and sandhills, well, no one played in those anymore. Grades were the telltale marks of tears on your face becasue C's were for idiots and I told you that C stood for, crazy teacher that couldn't recognize talent, because you had it, if nothing else.

We always stayed, always survived through hardships, through senseless arguements that neither won because we'd always end up laughing. If you ever got bullied well I still had my ruler, frayed and stained with marker and dust. You still had your drum set with a broken cymbal I'd hit to hard when we were practicing karate. We still had each other.
But then you met her, the catalyst to our end, the atomic bomb waitng to blow your heart away. But your face, it was lit like a candle and I could only smile and suck it up, because thats what friends are for. even though my mind is screaming that her Botox smile and extensions will only trance you until she leaves you, runs off and marks you on the list of boys who fell. I'll have to pick up the pieces, wipe your tears, but not one piece will ever be mine, because you'll never care the way my heart lies still whenever her name is brought up.
She doesnt know you like I do. Not how you cut your bangs that way because light gives you migraines or that your little sister died in your mothers stomach. How you laugh when you cry and make oatmeal cookies and laugh even more. She doesnt remember the scars you left on your skin or how you can be the most arrogant self centered person I know. How you never let anyone drive your car but you and you fail every math test because you want to be a musician not a mathmetician.

She doesnt know you like I do. It hurts and I wish I'd never met you, never gotten, never gotten trampled by this sensation, but without each other it'd hurt worse, and thats all that matters. she doesnt know you like I do. I guess I have nothing to offer, no happiness at all, not the kind your looking for. She doesn't know you like I do.

You come to my house, car keys jingling, your side of our matching necklaces hanging around your neck, beaming at your best friend, the girl you wathced grow up like a sprouting seed. You offer me your hand, and even though I could slam the door,turn off my phone, and never utter your name in one breath again, because I'll never hold your hand the way I want to, just as a sister in blood(not really). But if this is all I can get, then I'll take it.

Your so amazingly complicated, this is so amazingly complicated I could cry, but I won't, because if I'm not happy, all I want is for you to be happy. So I take your hand in mine, step through the door to meet up with your girlfriend, your smile glinting like sunshine and I smile back, because I need you to smile, if only, if only, because I love you.



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romancejunkie said...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 10:52 pm
This is great
 
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