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Crashing In

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Melissa sat there on her bed staring at the picture in her hands. Her hands were shaking, tears rolling down her eyes, mascara smeared all across her face, but all she could think of was that day. It was after church. She remembered sneaking around the back so no one would see them. Laying in the freshly cut grass with her black and white dress and her black Reflection heels, Melissa curled up next to Chris and all she thought was how she never wanted that to end. Chris’ light pink button down was unbuttoned with his white under shirt showing. She loved the way that shirt made him look. They lay there gazing into each other’s eyes, fingers intertwined, thinking how could this get any better?
All she wanted to do was go back to that day in the picture and freeze time. She always does this to herself. She knew she had loved this picture, but then at the same time she hated it so much. The frame fell out of her trembling hands onto her bed. She fell back, brought her legs to her chest, and started to rock back and forth. The crying got worse and worse to the point where she started hyperventilating and could barely breathe. The lights were off, shades closed, it was pitch black. It was completely quiet except for the sound of Melissa’s tears. She felt so small and the room felt so big. The room felt as if it was crashing in on her and she just wanted to die. She took her purple pillow and started hitting it against the headboard on her bed. She threw her head into the pillow and screamed as loud as she could. This should have made her feel better, or at least she hoped it would. The picture frame was sitting at the edge of her bed. She turned around and reached for it. She took it in her hands and again just looked at it, studying it very carefully, looking at every minute detail. She could feel the hate and anger building up in her body. The next thing she knew she heard glass shattering and a loud crash against the wood floor. Did that really happen? Did she really just throw the picture? That was the last picture she had of them together. Would this put her out of her misery? Now she would have nothing left to make her think of them, nothing left to make her think of…that day. How she wished she could just go back to that day and change things. Not have yelled at him. Not left him alone the way she did. She had known how he was, but she never thought it would get to that point, or at least she wished it would never get there. She had always had a small worry deep inside of her that this would happen one day, but she had hoped that he loved her too much to not do that. That night when they got into that argument, it was the first big argument they’ve ever had. But why would he do that to himself? To Melissa? What had she ever done to deserve this? All she could hear was the sound of his red Toyota Camry crashing into the big oak tree. She sat there wishing she could take it all back. Every mean thing she had ever done to him. Everything she had ever said to him to hurt his feelings. This was all her fault. If she had never said those words to him he would have been fine. If she would of never said she hated him so much he would still be here today. She did this to him, and that’s what killed her most.

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Basketball23 said...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Aside from most of the other comments, I love this piece!  I think it's fantastic!  The imagery in this story is incredible...I can literally see this woman doing all of the things that you described.  Keep up the great work!!!
ZombieDanceWithMe said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 10:13 pm

Wow. That was great. Full of emotion, how you can picture whats going on and then BAM! CAR CRASH!

ohh god. when that happened I got chills down my back. good work! keep it up! 

really enjoyed it!

BleedingTearsCryingBlood said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Ok I understand that you wanted it to be detailed but try working on your phrasing, and how the piece reads. Try to read it aloud to yourself a few times. Stop and fix things as you read. I love the fact that you try to include detail
Ellawind said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:56 pm

First of all, I enjoyed the originality of this work. It was very true to the way someone who'd undergone such a thing would feel.  

I think this piece could use some editing (parts like "tears rolling down her eyes" could be better phrased) and you could break down the paragraphs a bit, but all in all it was a good description of the emotion the character is feeling. One thing I'd recommend to make it even better is seeing how many details you can add without going overboard. You... (more »)

-Missy- said...
Dec. 4, 2010 at 9:44 am
Good job with this write. The first ACTUAL story I have read from my Thread. Good job. Did I like? It was good, I think you can add a little more to it, but it's alright. Good job.
Emma07 said...
Dec. 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Nice job!  It was good.  I enjoyed it.
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