i turn around to see you standing before me. Shoulders set, eyes twinkling, as tho at any moment a tear could fall. Your lips part as if to say something. i blink, looking at you, and not fully understanding who you've become. im barly breathing. i cant seem to bring air into my lungs. a million questions come into my mind. i finally find my breath an whisper... 'Stefan'.you look surprised. as if you amazed i remember your name. how could i forget. your name is one of the few things that will never change. your tanned complextions blinds me, you blonde mop of hair sits perfectly. i take it all in. just to realise how much iv missed you. i thought the silence would never end. with your impossiabley blue eyes fixed on me you say, in a shakey voice, "Holly im so sorry.." you voice becoming a croak on 'sorry'.. i wanted to scream at you. ask you is that it? Sorry.. is thats all you've got? you think thats how your goin to get out of this? but at the same time... he sounded like he meant it. i gather myself..and begin to say..'why?' your face changes, showing utter confussion. i begin again, why... why did you leave? do you know what you did to me?. i saw hurt in your eyes. "Holly i.." you stuter. you try again, "do you think it was easy for me? do you think i wanted to leave?" i could hardly believe what you were saying. 'i dont know what you want. heck, i dont even know who you are anymore!' tears well up in my eyes. i dont know who he is. and i dont know what he wants. he chose to leave. without a goodbye, without a sorry, or even a text message to let me know he was safe. nothing. and the pain that came with him leaving was unbareable. "Holly, im still the same person.." i cut him off, 'no, no your not! the old Stefan wouldnt have left me. the old you said he would love me forever. an look how long forever lasted.. your not the same person Stefan.' tears were streaming down my face now. he takes a step closer and uses his thumb to swipe away a tear that falls. "who i was before was no-one to care about. He was selfish and in a bad place. but im different now. i promise. i promise to never leave you again. im still the same deep down. its just been hard finding who i am." his words replay themselves in my head. over and over. something about them makes me believe him. its not just that i want to believe him so badly. i believe deep down he means it. i shut my eyes and take a step toward him. trying not to think of the pain that comes with forgiving him. trying not to think of the things that might happen if im wrong. i feel his arms go around me, and his face burried in my hair and just like that im his again. and hes mine again. tears were still streaming down my face, staining his shirt. he realises me from his arms, holding onto my four arms and begins to wipe away my tears. he always hated to see me cry. as he wipes them away i smile at him. it looked a little broken but i meant it. he smiled back and said to me "come on" and takes my hand and leads me away. as if nothing had happened. as if we had been together forever. as if we were forever. and i was happy to go along with it. i dont know why he left, or why he said the things he did. im not sure if i wanted to know... but for now i was happy to play along, and enjoy the feeling, for the moment that everyting was goin to be alright. He was back. he really was. i stopped just as we were rounding the street corner, our hands in twinded i lent into him and planted a soft kiss on his lips. He held back for a second un sure about it but after only a moments hesitation placed his hands on waist, just as i wraped mine around his neck. i pulled away and placed my forehead against his. "i love you" he whispered. i pecked him on the lips and whispered back 'i love you too.'
hes mine again.
September 4, 2010