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Is it possible?
....Love, 'is it really possible to fall in love again?' I asked myself. It’s been years since I’ve liked a guy... Ugh, really! Whenever I think about it, I just get so frustrated. I was angry, not at him no, but the ‘me’ who stupidly liked him… After that I got traumatized, whenever someone said he likes me, I get an awkward feeling both disgusted and mad… at times I just ignored it pretend that I didn’t know… it was all his fault; the pain that he’d given me was burned ‘marked’ on my heart like a permanent tattoo… Well, maybe not entirely, I guess it was also partly my dad’s fault. I never actually met him, even until now, that it’s my last year in high school. You know, with some of those bad memories of how were mom and sis were doing when dad was still here, that was according to what my grandma had told me, that is… and I guess the whole my-boyfriend-cheating thing pushed me to my limits. So now a girl-who-hates-guys-who-says-they-like-her-asks-if-he-could-be-her-boyfriend has been born…
(Sigh) honestly, it’s a good thing I was transferring schools I don’t know what I’d do to that guy… Well, whatever, after the first year I’ve had in my school right now it was pretty cool, I got lots of friends and they’re all fun to be with… I still remembered the time when we worked hard to earn a trophy in contest where the competitors were the others sections … and at that year I also met ‘him’, a guy that a friend of mine introduced to me… at first I thought he was kind of okay, his smiling face makes me forget that guys are bad, he seemed harmless… And I also thought he reminds me of something, a monkey, you know like those in cartoons (giggle)… and I thought he was interesting, so that’s how our friendship started… he seemed a little shy then, until the next school year we were in the same class. In the early months we weren’t talking to each other … I was too shy to talk to him. I thought that if I were to approach him I might mess up, I was always go-with-the-flow-and-try-to-be-careful-not-to-offend-or-rather-bother-the-other-person regarding interacting with people. But as time passed we gradually spoke to each other. And it has really becoming annoying at times (sigh)… Because, he would just suddenly laugh at me and call me ‘curly’ I mean what so funny about having curly hair it’s not like I wanted to. Besides others like it because they said it was like I used curlers but I swear I don’t … I don’t really like iron curlers they might damage my hair. And what’s more, at times he’d just call me cute or ‘cu-rly’; combining ‘cu’ from cute and ‘rly’ from curly... ‘Idiot!’ I thought to myself (Blushing)… oh, it also reminds of how my tongue just slipped and said ‘gay!’ I covered my mouth… I was so lame, and then he said ‘if you say that again, I’ll kiss you!’... And whoa, I felt ‘thumping’ inside. How can he say that easily?! And my two girl friends heard him, we were taking a break then … and he just -, after that my friends started saying nonsense like his gay and such; they were testing him just because they think something’s between us… And then they asked why he isn’t warning them of the kissing thing… he’d just put on a confused face and laugh at them… Even until now I still call him gay at times and just laugh...
Th-that’s not all, correction, not even the half of it… He even notices small things you know… like when there was a little green stuck between my teeth after I had my lunch, he’s really dangerous having those sharp eyes, I swear he smirked at me although he’s trying to hide it I swear I saw, he did. Really! so embarrassing... I can’t help it, okay?! I ran out of time to brush my teeth, seriously… So annoying... But I do admit I can’t really stay mad at him. Why? I don’t know either… maybe, it’s because I think he’s kind of funny in a way. I mean, I don’t know when I see him or just hear him I just can’t stop but wear a big smile or just want to laugh like hell... Like that time when he just suddenly sat beside, it happened on day when one of our teachers was absent so we had free time until the next subject, and he asked me if I know some band songs that I could sing for him. He said it with a smiling face. I was busy drawing then… gosh I could feel my face in hot pursuit and my smile was ear to ear. I thought to myself ‘I hope he doesn’t notice it’.
Me: um, I can’t pick which is better I know a lot of bands and I like their songs…
And so I started enumerating the names…
Him: then how about secondhand serenade’s your call?
Me: yup! Okay, I know that one… Let me see …how does it start again? ... (Clears throat)
Then I started…’ waiting for your call, I’m sick’… I sang with my best voice but tried not to make it loud because the others might hear me; I was always shy when it comes to singing only when there are too many spectators. It’s just when ‘you know’ eyes are watching you and you feel like you want to hide in your shell just like a turtle. Until I finished the first stanza he started to join in…
‘I was born to tell you I love you… And I am torn to do what I have to… To make you mine, stay with me tonight’
Once again I felt a ‘thump’ inside my chest. What is it? But I didn’t mind it, I continued on … hoping he didn’t hear… I listened; his voice was faint almost like a whisper. But it was good, it was kind of soothing…we stopped until the end of the song … I can still remember it and the feelings are still ‘there’ like a hangover for a drunken person that is… it still kept playing in my mind until now, over and over like a broken recorder… I just wish he’d ask me for another song again but I guess sometimes wishes don’t come true, huh…
Day after day lots of fun things happened though he still teases me… when I just happened to pass by he says ‘hey, curly!’ and he’d just laugh… sometimes he’d just take a look at me and laugh at nothing, as if I have something on my face that he knows and I don’t… I’d tell him to shut up or I’d just stick my tongue out and laugh with him… And because of this daily routine my classmates, well some of them started teasing us … one of them started calling me her mother and then claiming him as her father!... really, and until now others still tend to tease me whenever he passes by… But I just ignored them and say ‘hey, shush, he already has a girlfriend’ quietly almost a whisper… yes, well it’s true or so I’ve heard …others said they broke up but I don’t think so… because on the night of the promenade his first dance was her… I felt a throb; my insides were twisting…why…? But I was still happy; I got to dance with him… I even missed the some photo shoots with my friends… all because I was dancing with the monkey (giggle). My friend even said that they asked the dj to announce it, so that we would know where we’ll meet up and take the pictures… I was so caught up there (sigh)… it just felt like time stood still, we were laughing and such I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of he’s laugh (giggle)… like it was the actual music that the dj was playing…and then we stopped and separated after that I was asked by other guys, my friends, of course,(please, don’t think ill of me… still can’t believe, eh? I don’t know why either maybe I’m cured of my hatred towards guys? ) I also danced with the girls we were in groups … but the feeling was different from when I danced with him… (Sigh) so many strange things happened to me ever since I transferred here and met him… I wonder what will happen to me this year... since his now in a different class… and that right now his in the same class as his said-to-be-girlfriend…? And what are these confusing feelings I have, right now?
Until now I don’t really know what the answer might be… I just hope that I will be able to answer it before I graduate this year…
So for now, I’ll ask you for your opinion …
‘Is it possible to fall in love again?’