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First Love This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

I could have said anything. Anything but this. Yet it was like my lips acted of their own accord – you know, the way the girl always dreams that the guy's lips will. As if they would just kiss you the way you tacitly pray that they would. It could have been so easy. But me? I always make it difficult.

I watched as he blinked, his eyes lingering closed longer than usual. I bit my lip while his piercing eyes were veiled, and waited for my words to sink through his skin.

In my daydreams it was always smoother. I'd say it; he'd smile. I imagined his heart would race as soon as he had processed the confession I'd set free. In my mind it was in slow motion, black and white, like the movies. In real life, it flew by as fast as my heartbeat.

I watched as his eyes opened and the corners of his mouth flickered the way they always did. It was like he had said something funny and was waiting for me to react. I watched as he inhaled deeply, my heart catching. If his voice were any sweeter, any more gentle, I would have felt my eyes flood with tears.

“No, you don't,” he said. He let a small smile take over his beautiful face. I watched his lips spread out in his most breathtaking way, his dimples cutting sharply into his cheeks.

In my dreams, he would say it back, like when someone says “How are you,” you must always reply, “Good. And you?” It wasn't like that. He didn't say it back. And me? I was frozen.

He smiled, a little flustered, and pulled me into a hug. My blood, running like ice in my veins, made my head spin. I was so shocked that I didn't wrap my arms around him when he embraced me. Numb as I was, his hug sent electricity coursing through every pore of my skin. But the embrace wasn't passionate – it was cautious, ­fatherly.

“Uh … I'm confused,” I admitted, pulling away. He looked at me, understanding in his eyes.

His eyes … so many days I had simply thought of those eyes, like windows into a world I could see the key to but could never reach.

“I know that you might think you love me, but you're young, sweetie. You'll grow up and someone better will come along. Someone who can love you, too. It's not that I don't like you – because I do – but it's just … too ­complicated for us to be anything more than friends. Besides, even if it feels like you love me, I promise you don't. Okay, bud?”

He took my hands in his. His grasp, so much bigger than mine, nearly enclosed my clammy fingers.

“I'm not that young.”

My voice came out as a squeaky whisper, and for a moment I wondered if he would even hear. My eyes were averted to my Sketchers as I waited to see if my response had been ­audible.

“Of course you're not!” he boomed, “but some day, when you're older, you'll find someone who's better for you. They'll be better than me, too, I promise!”

He stood up, so that I had to lift my chin to hold his gaze with my sad, pleading eyes. His big hand, so calloused and scarred, reached down and ruffled my hair. I sighed at his gentle, avuncular touch. In that one, final graze of his hand in my hair, my little heart broke.

“Hurry up, kid,” he said warmly, “you'll miss the bus.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 45 comments. Post your own!

-rouge- said...
today at 10:44 am:
like the way the whole story wasnt obvious at the start, good job!
 
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DerpShake said...
Oct. 24, 2013 at 6:10 pm:
This was an amazing story! keep up the good work!
 
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TommieLeehThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 22, 2013 at 2:42 pm:
This is a wonderfull piece of art, like a mystery that finally unravels leaving us stunned, but not too unexpected
 
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AdrianaMartinez This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2013 at 6:47 pm:
I adore your show don't tell technique. You never reveal who the narrator was confessing her love to, but you give us a lot of hints to guess who we may think it is. Also, the comparisons every now and then throughout the story were great; "my mind was in slow motion, black and white, like the movies." also, I found the allusions very cleverly used, for example: the sketchers. That let's us know that the narrator is young. Overall, the story was fantastic and I enjoyed reading it.
 
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Kanupriya said...
Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:04 pm:
It is really great! U've portrayed the little actions so well...i feel like i witnessed the whole scene! Keep it up! :)
 
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pulledheartstring said...
Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:49 pm:
Interesting plot although I can't really relate to it, and would like to know more about how it all started.
 
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tiger_lover134This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:55 pm:
I like this story, it's so cute. It reminds me of how when I was little, I always looked up to a guy that was older than me. Of course I thought he was the greatest thing in the world but he was really more of an older brother and I was the younger sister. 
 
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Nini.Maria said...
Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:41 am:
So I read this and it was really good but at the end...still confusing. Is the man her father?
 
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Hails123 said...
Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm:
I think its just an older guy who she adores. Sounds like he looks at her as a younger sister but the feeling isnt mutual
 
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PinkSparksFly said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm:
Almost reminded me of when a little girls says she's going to marry her daddy when she grows up :)
 
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Shweta said...
Mar. 21, 2012 at 8:24 am:
one word 'beautifull'
 
Shweta replied...
Mar. 21, 2012 at 8:30 am :
oops i mean *beautiful*
 
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InvisibleHeart said...
Jan. 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm:
Wow, I had something very close to this story happen to me and a guy who was three years older than I. I was very hurt. Very well done writing this!
 
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vazenitran98 said...
Dec. 29, 2011 at 9:47 am:
It's well written and very surprising.
 
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Odessa_Sterling00This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm:
Good details,but this story seems a little creepy.
 
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eyes-on-fire said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 8:29 pm:
Awwww so sweet! and so sad... you have real talent and I loved this piece! If you have time, could you check out my novel, Spirit Bound? Thanks :)
 
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SmileyBabe said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm:

Who is the guy???? Other then that very good

 

 
HorseLuvaWWELuva replied...
Jun. 13, 2012 at 8:42 am :
The guy is the girls dad 
 
kate12345me replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 2:05 am :

I doubt it would be her dad...it sounds to me like she's fallen for someone a bit older than her, is all...

 

 
me who else replied...
Sept. 6, 2012 at 12:01 am :
hmmm... i don't think its her father nobody has that type of relationship with their father
 
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