Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Red as Coals, Black as Night Prologue

Her feet pounded the streets made of the wide, aqua blue and purple rocks Afalia was famous for. As her urgent footsteps echoed around the narrow alley, she couldn’t have cared less about the beautiful rocks. She couldn’t care about anything but the nearly invisible sound of her pursuer’s footsteps, unheard unless you knew they were there.
As she rounded the corner, her heart stopped. She had come to a dead end. On her left and right were houses, in front of her was an immense, blue stone wall, at least twenty feet high, and behind her was the narrow alley her pursuer walked down calmly at that very moment.
She looked around frantically. There was nothing, nothing to move. The small corner was spotlessly clean and hopelessly empty, except for a few giant rats hiding in the shadows.
Then, all of a sudden, he was there. The man who had chased her all the way from the main square, six miles from here.
But was he a man? He was a giant, around nine feet tall. His entire body was covered by billowing robes. A large cowl obscured his face. But as she stared intently at his shadowed head, she saw something. Glowing like the brightest coals in a high-burning fire, pure red eyes shone through the blackness. They were so unerringly red, so impossibly bright…And then something else glinted in the darkness, something silver. A silver dagger with a beautiful, shining black hilt with a large sapphire embedded in it. He tilted the dagger so the waning, red and orange light glinted off the blade.
She screeched, eyes widening in terror. “What are you?” she cried hoarsely. The creature was advancing quickly. As a surge of fear swept through her, it occurred to her to try to move the rats. Suddenly, she felt a sharp, biting pain in her neck, and her vision began to grow hazy. Through the fog she saw three of the cat-sized rats flying at the creature, spitting their rage. It snapped its neck toward the rats and suddenly, they fell to the ground, mildly stunned. Once they had recovered, they scurried into the shadows. The shadows…
Cold breath, smelling of mint, meat, and smoke stung her burning cheek. His lips were mere inches from her ear. “Sorry ma’am,” he murmured, “Just doing my job.” And then, Ojilia passed into the peaceful oblivion of death.





Join the Discussion

This article has 87 comments. Post your own now!

iluvnachoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 5:31 pm
ohhh! ohh! This is wonderful. I was hesitant to read another romance, even though you said this piece wasn't ramantic. but still, It makes me want to read much much more! Ohh im like excited to read the rest! keep writing, cuz you got talent.
 
ItWasAMurderButNotACrime This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Thank you! I"m glad you like it.
 
Stormythrone said...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Nice :) Not my style, but really well written! Keep on writing!
 
ItWasAMurderButNotACrime This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Thanks! :D
 
thepreechyteenager said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 6:39 am
Was this Jose killing the girl or another Shanese?  I read the rest of the story before this, but now I'm confused!!!  I thought Jose didn't like to make the girls struggle before they died- so then why did he chase her six miles before he killed her?  Like with all of his powers couldn't he have just done away with her quickly?
 
ItWasAMurderButNotACrime This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 7:42 am
Yes, it is Jose. And as mentioned in Chapter 2, she spotted him, which almost never happened, and he ran, but since he was around people he had to stay at a semi-normal pace. Until there were no more people around.
 
KatLB said...
Aug. 17, 2010 at 7:23 pm
This was very interesting the whole time! totally sucked me in, i would buy it :)
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 17, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Thanks! :D
 
Ana R. said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 1:34 pm

really great i can't wait to keep reading the rest of the novel

you have such interesting description and really make the story come to life

 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Thanks! :D
 
AprilDarkness said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 7:30 pm
Lex, there is no doubt you rock at writing descriptions! I'm more into poetry so I can't really give you a critic and stuff. Keep 'em comin'!
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 8:35 am
Haha thanks April:D
 
Killer_PianoForteist said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 10:15 am

This is really good! I really like the use of  vocabulary, and the names you use are really cool. Great job!!

 

 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 10:19 am
Thanks! :D 
 
EmIsHere said...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I like the description of it. The girls fear, panic, and the giant. It all tied in. It makes me want to read what's next.  
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Thanks! :D
 
GreenEyedGirl14 said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 10:03 pm
This is a very interesting idea so far. It makes me want to read more, and the words you use help to make it real. The story did seem to move a little quickly, but overall this was REALLY GOOD. Keep it up! Can't wait to read more!
 
mypoorback This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Thanks!  The moving fast thing, the prologue is supposed to be short and grab the attention.  The girl character isn't important, so her dying also wasn't that important.
 
Mamonde This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 9:53 pm
Wow, you have an amazing gift for descriptions! This prologue grabbed my attention and made me wonder what would happen next.
 
mypoorback This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 10:19 pm
Thanks! :D
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback