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Her Best Friend
What is love? Really? I ask myself this question often. Is it a box of chocolates on Valentines day? Or a walk in the park holding hands? Is it looking into your new babes eyes as they open for the first time? Or perhaps flirting in between classes? Is love walking together in the halls? Possibly even texting a goodnight text?
My name is Schuylar. Pronounced Skylar, just not spelled like that. I have a boyfriend, and I think I love him. But first, I need to understand what love really is, so I can see if its really love. Is it kissing in the rain? Or... well, I could go on for a while. I'll tell you a little about him if you want me to. Things he does for me, and things of that origin. First of all, his name is Evan. He's about two inches taller than me, so if I'm 5'6, he's about 5'8. He has blonde hair and blue-ish green eyes, that I could totally drown in. He loves reading, and he's an actor in the plays. He always texts me just to say goodnight, and he always comes by my locker between classes just to talk to me. He always comes over to my lunch table and hangs out with me and my people. All of my friends approve of him (which never happens, so thats completely amazing,) and they say we're cute together. Some even say we're perfect for each other.
Why do people think we're perfect for each other? I'm not really sure. Sometimes I ask myself that question. Well, some just say we're perfect. But I know they mean for each other. Well, we're both actors. We both have blonde hair, both have blue eyes (even though his have green) He's taller than me by two inches. He makes me smile, and I know I make him smile. He's absolutely the sweetest person I know. I've been going out with him for as long as I can remember, or care to remember about. About two weeks. I know it really isn't that long, but it feels like we've been going out for longer because I've liked him for so long. I've had more dreams about him then I ever had with any of my other boyfriends. And Evan stands above the rest of all of the guys I did go out with.
Whenever he holds me, all of my troubles go away. A warm feeling spreads throughout my body and I know I'm home. The only thing is, I don't know if I love him! He bought me a box of chocolate on Valentines day, along with flowers. We've walked through the park holding hands, flirted between classes, walked together in the halls, texted each other goodnight, sweet dreams. We haven't, however, had a baby. Neither of us are old enough for that, and I don't want to be a teenage mother, and he doesn't want to be a teenage father. We haven't kissed yet either. Like I said, only two weeks. I really want him to though.
See, the reason I say I don't know if I love him is because what love is considered at my school is going out for a week, barely saying anything to each other and saying "Oh I love him/her so much! They mean the world to me!" People say that hate is a strong word, but so is love, but people throw that around like its nothing. People say they care about a person so much, but when they break up, its like they never went out in the first place. A real relationship lasts more than a week, and nobody has to know about it. I mean, people can know, but they don't have to. A relationship should be between two people. It just gets in the way when other people know, because they always ask and become annoying.
Nobody can fall in love in one week. Well, they can, but its not full love. Not love backed up with weeks of being with that person, knowing them inside and out, and actually being in love with them. Some people are afraid of falling in love. I know I'm one of those people. I'm afraid of real love because I'm always afraid that something bad is going to happen to me, or the person I'm almost in love with or in love will hurt me. Lord knows thats happened to enough people.
So anyways, back to Evan and me, and wether or not I love him. I think about him all the time. He makes me smile whenever I talk to him, like I said. He understands me and everything I say. He doesn't think I'm a psychopath when I tell him everything about me, which is what most people usually do. Psychopath or freak, either or both have been used towards me. Thats why I don't tell anyone about me. Except Evan. I trust Evan with everything I have. All of me, all of my secrets, all of my stories. Everything.
He means the world to me, and I feel complete when I'm with him. When I'm not near him, it feels like part of me is gone. I am at peace when he is next to me. I've had multiple dreams of him, and being with him. It is said that the person you dream about thought about you right before they fell asleep. You think about the person you love right before you fall asleep. Does that mean he loves me? Does that mean I love him? I'm not really sure. I'm pretty sure I love him. I'll tell you if I do, I know i'll figure it out eventually.
She loves him. I know she does. Her name is Schuylar. His name is Evan. The way she always talks about him, always talks to him. And he loves her. He always comes over to her lunch table, always comes by her locker just to say hi between classes, just to see her. Just to give her one more smile. I'm Megan, Schuylars best friend. I see the way they look at each other, I see how they always are by each other. I'm really jealous, because I have a boyfriend too.
My boyfriends name is Drake. My boyfriend does nothing like what Evan does for Schuylar. All he does for me is flirts with other girls and hugs me once a year or so. Seriously, there is barely any contact. Schuylar and Evan hug ever day after school and before school. Sometimes even at lunch. Evan always is over at our table, but does Drake ever come over to my table? No. That would be a sin practically. And kissing me? Only happened once. And he ran away the second after to go back to his friends. He's a great boyfriend isn't he. Make me smile? Once in a decade.
Oh but we're so in love. I love him, because he's hot. He has a nice body. Thats about where it ends. Oh and he reads occasionally. What's really bad about him though, is that he hits me. He gets mad at people around him and takes it out on me. He finds a place where no one will see a bruise, and he smacks me. It hurts a lot, and he laughs at me if I start crying. In front of people when we are together, he says nothing at all. Its always awkward and I hate every second of it. I've heard so many rumors about him including that he always gets high and drunk. Do I believe them? Yup. Would you believe them in my shoes? Of course.
More than one hundred times I day, I wish I was Schuylar. Mostly because of her boyfriend and her life. Her life is so much better than mine. Not saying she gets everything she wants, but she does have the perfect boyfriend for her. One that actually gives a crap about her and everything she cares about. One that always talks to her, always talks about her. And vice versa. All of her friends and my friends approve of him. Drake on the other hand is a whole different story. None of my friends, including Schuylar, approve of him. They told me this would happen to me. Well, they told me he'd end up hurting me eventually. They don't know how right they are.
I really want to break up with Drake, but I'm afraid he'll hurt me. Not just with violence, but with words as well. He would find a way to tell everybody something about me. Then he'd probably attack me and make me get back with him. Probably even rape me. Anythings possible, and he would probably do anything just to make me hurt. He loves seeing me in pain. Its like his favorite thing in the world, seeing me cringe.
Evan on the other hand is gentle with Schuylar. He would never imagine hurting her, and she would never hurt him. They are so sweet together. You can tell they would never cheat on one another, and he would never hit her. They're always flirting, and being next to each other. They practically are in their own little world when they're together. When I'm with Drake, we can't get far enough away from each other. Unless he wants to hit me, then he wont go away. I really hate it so much. I haven't told anyone he hits me yet, I know I should but I'm very worried. He'll probably find out and hit me harder. Wouldn't that be great. In the morning, it hurts to wake up because I'm sore all over the place. I haven't worn short sleeve shirts or shorts for the longest time because of it.
Sometimes I wonder what love is. Because I know its not what me and Drake have. Then it would have to be: Love is an abusive boyfriend that really doesn't like you at all but is going out with you to improve his image, even though it doesn't really. No. Thats not right. Its probably something more along the lines of what Schuylar and Evan have. Love is being gentle with the person you care about, making them smile at every time possible, not caring who sees. Love is being honest, not cheating. Love is walking in a park holding hands. Love is walking together in the hallway being shy with the person you love.
I would never tell anybody this, but I have this huge crush on another guy for the longest time. His name is Travis. He is the sweetest thing in the world and I just want to see him smile more often. His smile could light up the town and melt me from the inside out. I write poems about him all the time. When I send them to Schuylar (we always share our work) I say they're about Drake. I think she knows they aren't really, but pretends to go along with it, because she knows it'll hurt me less. I secretly thank her for that every day. I think she would understand if I told her all of this, but I really don't want her to think I'm a freak. Of course, she might not. But I don't want to risk it yet. But anyways, maybe one day I'll be able to call him mine. My bet is that he's a whole hell of a lot better then Drake is, and that he'd be a much better boyfriend. Maybe someday I'll find out if thats true or not. Thats all for now, so I'll talk to you later, if Drake hasn't killed me. Bye.