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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 45
August 3, 2009
I’m sorry I didn’t text you the other day. I’m kind of busy here.
I knew he was just being sarcastic as a joke, but I couldn’t help thinking…was Ash really too busy for me? I couldn’t do that though. He was at war after all, I shouldn’t be so selfish. So instead, I texted him back. It’s ok. I understand.
Thanks. I love you.
Love you too.
I flipped my phone shut and sighed heavily. I’d not only been sad and broken without Ash here, but I’d also felt lonely and bored. After all, it wasn’t like I had any friends to go talk to or hang out with. I mostly just thought of Ash, blankly stared at the TV, thought of Ash some more, wrote in my diary, thought of Ash, moped around…because of Ash, and again, thought of Ash.
Wow, I needed to get a life…actually, I did have a life. It was just away, fighting for it’s country. But one thing I really did need was a friend. I still couldn’t believe that Kristy was still holding a grudge over everything. She hadn’t even attended my wedding. My wedding!
A wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of a girl’s life. And it was. But it would’ve been a heck of a lot happier if my best friend bothered to show up. I wasn’t sure if I could even call Kristy that anymore. She obviously didn’t think of me as a best friend.
And that really, really hurt me. I didn’t know if she noticed that or even cared, but I was the one with the short end of the stick here, not her! She acted like I should revolve my entire life around her and what worked out best for her. Well I wasn’t going to!
I was in love with Ash. She couldn’t do anything to change that and either could I. I’d tried to after all, and it sure didn’t work. It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t love Cole the way he apparently loved me. Besides, he just forced himself upon me. And then, at what was supposed to be a relaxing getaway, he told me that without all the make-up and contacts, I was ugly!
And even after that, I still went back to him. Yes, I’d pushed him out of boat in response to that, so I did kind of owe him. But he got what he deserved! I still really liked Cole and hoped that I would get to see him again some day. I still wanted to be his friend too. I just hoped that he still wanted to be mine.
I knew it might be a tad awkward for us to hang out after all that had happened between us, but I didn’t care. Awkwardness was the least of my problems. I had so much other stuff going on in my life, that I didn’t care the least bit about things being awkward between Cole and I.
But even if Cole did still want to be my friend, that wouldn’t very useful since he lived in Michigan. And Kristy probably wouldn’t even let him acknowledge my existence, much less befriend me.
Then, out of nowhere, I had a flashback to when Cole had first arrived. I remembered how we set up all the stuff in Ash’s house for the prank we wanted to pull on his mom. I also remember how seeing her walking out of the house, soaking wet and furious was the most hilarious thing I’d ever seen. And now she was in a coma with Alzheimer’s Disease.
It was strange to remember how simple things were back before Ash first purposed to me. Yeah, his mom hated my guts and forbid us to be together. But at least she wasn’t half-dead, at least Ash wasn’t fighting in Iraq, at least Cole and Kristy were still friends of mine.
Now, everything was ten times worse than it was before.
But there was a positive side to this. Now, Ash and I were married. Ok, so that was the only positive thing right now. But I also didn’t have to deal with Cole’s drama and that was always good. The less drama, the better.
I just hoped that Ash would make it back ok, his mom, who I should probably start calling my mother-in-law, would wake up from her coma, Kristy would realize that she was completely overreacting, and everything would be normal again. But who was I kidding?
There was only a one in a million chance of that ever happening, and I haven’t exactly been very lucky so far. So for me to think that things would turn out normal in the end was pretty much insane. But there was still a possibility. A small one, but a possibility none the less.
And besides, as long as I had Ash, I was happy. Maybe if I repeated that to myself a couple more times, I’d actually start to believe it. Don’t get me wrong, I was in love with Ash. But I couldn’t let my passion and love for him control my entire life.
I had to have something else that was important to me. Like friends maybe. Or maybe I could find an activity that I enjoyed doing, although it wouldn’t be much fun to do by myself.
I sighed as I realized how completely and utterly alone I was. I didn’t have any friend. All I had was my parents and Ash. And at the moment, my parents were at work and Ash was in Iraq. But even when my parents are home, it’s not exactly fun hanging out with your parents all day.
Why was it that every time something really great happened, like me and Ash getting married for instance, something unbelievably horrific followed it. It was like every good thing that ever happened to me came with a catch.
To have Ash, I had to lose everything and everyone else. My relationship with Kristy had been completely destroyed because of Ash. What could have been a really great friendship with Cole had been destroyed because of Ash.
Yet I couldn’t even stand the thought of trading Ash in for either of them. Apparently, when you’re really, truly in love, you have to make sacrifices for the person you care about.
Gosh, why did Ash have to be like that? So easy for me to fall in love with…