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Beautiful

I wish you could see me for my diamond eyes, not for what my diamond eyes can’t see.
I’m Lucille Greene. And I’m blind.
You’re Elzay Cleary; you’re also a pretty boy.
That’s why I will never be Lucille Cleary. It’s because you’re beautiful and you know it. You also need me to know it. The problem is I will never know it though. I can never tell you your beautiful and mean it because I can never know for sure. You can never trust my opinion. You need someone who can say it and mean every word of it. I wish so hard and so long that one day you will get over yourself and not care that I can’t see you. You won’t care that I can’t see your outer beauty, because you’ll know I can see your inner beauty better than anyone. But until then, I will just stay in my own dark world, imagining the day, the day when I have my chance again. I say again because at one point you did believe me. It was when I could see. I know you remember the day you lost hope in me. You may not admit it but I know you do. I can remind you of the story though anyway.
It was November of last year and I was home alone in my family’s apartment on the 1st floor. It was my birthday. You came by to play ding dong ditch on me, while leaving a dozen roses for me in the process. Once you realized once was going on though, you couldn’t ditch. The apartment complex was on fire, and I was in the room that started it all. You rescued me anyway, not very well though. You were too late, I was already severally injured and in a comma. I don’t blame you for your timing though.
I woke 3 weeks later and I could hear you right beside me, reading a Berenstain Bears book. I still don’t know why you chose that book. I was in a comma, not preschool. I could hear you cry for the first time just then. They were tears of joy I think. You also were still pained though, I could tell. You whispered the whole story to me. You told me I was blind. You told me it was your fault though that I could never again look in a mirror and see the most gorgeous smile my diamond eyes have ever seen. You told me this very time I cried in pain or whined about not being able to do anything without help. You just leaned in and whispered into my ear, “It’s my fault.” And “I’m sorry.”
You never stopped blaming yourself. I never blamed you though. I blame my stupid self for forgetting to turn off the curling iron. I can’t believe I lost the magnificence of the world because of a curling iron. My hair remains straight from now on as a tribute to the colors that were lost that day in November.
The wind was bitter that morose day in December that I departed from the hospital. There were a lot of people around me, I could hear them. I had once cared so much about my appearance but now that nothing appears to me, I don’t care about my appearance to others. You told me I looked beautiful though, that my mother had me a nice pink dress, with a pink sweater. You said I had on Christmas tights and I wore black fancy boots that my father got me. Your voice was still pained though. I just thought it was the guilt you felt, but thinking back I know it was more than that.
We moved into a new apartment after the fire, a nice one on the first floor. You said you painted my room the exact same color as my old room. I think knowing it’s the same. I was in the process of picking out a new paint color before the fire but I guess my rooms will forever be pretty princess pink. I’m not complaining though, it’s familiar and that’s all that matters.
You waited a week before you told it to me. I was in my room, were I spent all my time. I was familiar with it. I was positioned awkwardly on my rocking chair and you were on your knees in front of me. I knew this because you held my hands tight to yours. You ripped out my heart and ran with it, out of my reach. You took it and turned it into a game of Marco Polo. I was the blinded one while you made me find you except this time; I was chasing you, trying to get back the one thing that I haven’t lost yet. You told me you couldn’t be with me anymore, you said you couldn’t see me and know you caused it. You needed to leave. You promised me I wouldn’t miss you. That promise was broken the second you walked out the door.
I never told you this, but you made it worse. When I became blind I lost two things, my ability to see, and my ability to be with you. Blindness took both of those things away from me. Blindness is selfish.
You pass by my window on the way to and back from school. I hear you laughing, your happy. You’re not alone though, you’re with Skye, The girl that replaced me in your heart. You’ll never admit it though. She’s new to school, so I’ve never seen her. She has a nice voice, she must be pretty. You say her name like she’s gorgeous. That was how you used to describe me, Gorgeous. And I would call you beautiful.
So now I sit here in my room, wasting away time writing you these pointless letters that will never be sent. You will never read them, and neither will I.



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This article has 13 comments. Post your own!

justbe-3 said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 4:23 pm:
Has anyone else notcied that the people at Teen Ink havn't been approving any work lately? Or is it just me?
 
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elfiewrites said...
Mar. 31, 2010 at 8:00 pm:
I love this! Keep on writing! PLEASE feel free to comment on my work.. that would be awesome! Thanks so much
 
justbe-3 replied...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 4:21 pm :
Thanks so much, I'm submitting the second chapter today.
 
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justbe-3 said...
Mar. 28, 2010 at 2:46 pm:
Is anyone interested in the second chapter? I can post it if you'd like.
 
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FlyleafFreak said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 5:25 pm:
Wow, this is really good, especially for a new Teenink member! Tremendous, I was hooked instantly and I love your style completley. Great job, seriously never stop writing.
 
FlyleafFreak replied...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 5:26 pm :
Oops, you've been a member for ten months, sorry, but still amazing!!!
 
justbe-3 replied...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 10:49 pm :
It's okay, i know what you meant. I technically am new to Teen Ink because i just recentley started submitting work. Thank you so much for the comment. This story is actually one of my favorite pieces of my writing. I wrote a second chapter to the story if your interested......?
 
FlyleafFreak replied...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 9:47 am :
Yeah, I'm interested, it's really good. You should definetly post it!!!
 
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justbe-3 said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 4:43 pm:
Oops, sorry for posting that comment twice. This whole posting thing still confuses me. Haha.
 
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justbe-3 said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 4:40 pm:
Wow! I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially coming from you! Thanks so much.
 
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bluemagnet22 said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm:
Wow can I just say the first sentence sucked me in and gave my chills...that was amazing!
 
justbe-3 replied...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 4:42 pm :
Wow! I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially coming from you! Thanks so much. :)
 
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leejeanstar said...
Mar. 19, 2010 at 9:21 am:
Sorry for all the spelling errors and typos! I accidentally sent in the wrong copy of this article so it's not my final draft! Sorry about that. Hope you like it anyway!
 
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