I don’t even know why I did this, we did this. I don’t even like him. In fact I think he’s one of the most awkward, annoying, boys I know. I know for a fact we didn’t like each other, or did we? I’ve never purposefully talked to him. He just kept bugging me. I’ve even slapped him a few times, but still he comes back. Why? And why was I leaning in, upward towards to those lips? And why was he returning the favor? Why? Why?! Why?!? Somehow my eyes found his deep bright childish blue ones, I wanted to pull away. To make it stop, to pull my eyes away and walk. Walk far and away from him, but I couldn’t. Stupid legs! Move!!! Every bit of me wanted to get away, to go to somewhere else. But I wouldn’t, couldn’t. Slowly people started to stare. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was popular, head cheerleader, straight a student, 3 extracurricular activities. He, he was a water boy for my BOYFRIENDS football team. If I went through with this, my reputation would be ruined. And then it happened. Our soft lips collided in a gentle touch. I felt his hands on the back of my neck holding my head delicately. Everything about this was not like how my boyfriend kissed me. Rough and violent like waves rolling into a rocky side was how my boyfriend kissed me. This though, this was like a warm breeze drifting up upon a dandelion field. I’m not totally sure what happened next but my legs were lifted up off the ground and I could feel his lips in front of my smiling. I gave him the best glare I could give him while trying so hard not to show him that I was actually enjoying this. I felt his smile disappear, good, he should feel bad. I tried to look behind his lively, playful eyes, nothing but blurs. He was spinning me around in his arms. Slowly he put me back down. His lips receded, and he let me go. I almost fell over I was so dizzy. He caught me, of course. The only thing that wasn’t still moving was his face. Fiery red hair draped over those kind, fun-loving intelligent eyes. Light pink freckles dotted his nose and cheeks, small mouth with a subtle pink coating over them from my lipstick. His skin looked featherlike, pale and soft. His hand found mine, my hand pulled away. The smile on his face went away and I saw in his eyes that I had hurt him. I couldn’t stand for this; I clenched my fist, turned on my heels and walked off. Following my first feeling from the beginning of this stupid stunt, then I realized, I did like him. No not like, love, I loved him. But it didn’t work. I knew it couldn’t work. So I kept walking fists clenched, holding back long held tears. By now the word was all around the school and my boyfriend would come and give him a good beating. But it didn’t matter. I would be at home by then. Crying into my cats warm soft belly. Wondering, what would have happened if I did follow my heart.
But It Did
November 24, 2009