Don't you dare control me

October 27, 2009
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I am not going to let you control me! I am not some kind of toy. I refuse to be treated as a puppet. I try my best to get rid of you. To loosen the chain that is attached from me to you. I am tired of being your 'backup.' I mean, SERIOUSLY? It's not like nobody likes you. It's not like you can't get a girl to fall for you. Plenty of them have, including me. That was my mistake. One of the worst things about you is that you will let me fall for you. You will let me fall; you act like you love me. Yet, when I do fall, you don't catch me. You had no intention to. Like I said, I am just 'backup.' You date HER for a while then it falls apart. You don't like her anymore and you break up with her. Once you’re done with her, I am your crutch. You know that I can't get over you. So, you take advantage of me. You use me, just to show everyone, there is always someone that likes you. You tell everyone, that I like you. Just so everyone knows that all the girls fall for you. You go back to torturing me, every time you don't have a girlfriend. You call, you wave, and you smile, you say, "hi," in the hallways. But, I have one question. WHY???? Why do you insist on ruining my day? Why? If all I can think about is you, why do you prank call me? You just can never let this go. Well, try this. Get THIS in your head. I am done. I am done with wanting you. All I get in return is a smile, or a joke. Usually, that would be a good thing. But not when the whole school is laughing, and saying, "There she goes, she is still NOT over him. It has been so long. She needs to let him go. He does NOT like her." I feel like screaming at those people. I feel like ripping their hair out, and saying, "Does he like you then? I don't think so. I actually have a chance with him!!!!" But, I know I don't.

"Hello? Hey. Sorry, I think I called the wrong number. See ya. Bye." This is the typical call with you. The prank call. The call where I can hear your friends laughing in the background. The call where I hang up first, because I can't stand it. My cheeks flaming, I try to get through the school day, I try to notice everyone around me, and not just zone out, and push everyone out of my life. But, it's hard. Some how I get through it everyday. I have no idea how.

I sit alone, without you by my side. You only were by me, before you found her. If you don't want to date me, why hold onto me? Who benefits? You? Definitely not me. Why do you call? Just to make fun of me? I am not desperate. I never wanted this. I never thought this would be so hard. I am not desperate. I don't want you anymore. Please, just leave me. Just leave me. Tell me you don"t want me. Just, so I can be through with you. Just so this can end. But, it never will. This will keep going on. I will always remember you. Even though, you may forget me. Like I wish you had already. Don't you dare try to stay near me. I will push you away. You may try to draw me close, I will force you away. This will end, soon. I hope.





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biddycakes said...
Dec. 13, 2009 at 10:08 am
wow! that was fantastic! its my new favorite one! i would love to hear more. and i am so sorry that he would do that to you! what a jerk! i agree with you for pushing him away!
 
EmmaXoxo<3 replied...
Dec. 13, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Thanks sooo much!
Tell me if there are any articles you want me to read, I will check them out.
Thanks again!!! ;)
 
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