Don't Think About Him

I lay my head back into the grass, my eyelids red, my face angled toward the sun.
It was one of those days at the beginning of autumn when the grass was warm but the air was just barely cool. Or maybe it was the other way around—I’ve never been quite able to make the distinction. It was one of those days when you see a cricket jump onto your leg and, rather than shooing it on its way, you wait that extra moment for it to hop away of its own accord. It’s one of those days when feel like you can be part of nature, if only you take the time. It was one of those days when an elf or a fairy could pop out from behind a bush and you wouldn’t be at all surprised. It was one of those days when it felt like magic was about to happen.
Magic like…him.
I forced myself to focus on what was around me, keeping my mind away from…other subjects. .
The air brushed along my skin, ticking my face, tangling its fingers through the golden hair that splayed around my head. The sun caressed the left side of my face, warming it, while the right side of my face remained comfortably cool, shaded by my body. The grass beneath me bent aside, submitting under my weight.
From my right, I could hear the sound of a woodpecker, fierce and determined in its quest for food. Crickets, in the grass around me, called to each other occasionally. The leaves, some already yellow, orange and red, rustled in the trees.
I could smell the crisp scent of autumn, that scent that reminds you of falling leaves and apple cider.
I forced myself to think about everything, anything, anything other than him.
His lips, full and red, soft and perfect.
His eyes, bright and blue, kind and understanding.
His hair, black and curly, shaggy and beautiful.
His face, tan and angular, laughing and happy.
His personality, sweet and tender, fun and adorable.
This was really getting sick. He was not, and never would be, mine. Every time I thought about him, I made this worse.
In a futile effort to keep my mind off of him, I thought of what I must look like.
To all the outside world, I must have appeared peaceful an happy as I lay, my eyes closed, my head tilted into the sun, my golden hair lying around my head in a sort of shining halo. My lips curled up into a half-smile as I thought of myself as a nymph, or an earth goddess, in perfect harmony with nature as the sun set to my left. Yet I wasn’t at all tempted to open my eyes and watch as the sun turned pink and orange, then disappeared behind the hills in the distance. Because no beauty, however intense, would ever again be able to compare to his beauty.
I felt my lips uncurl, my expression going from a smile back to blank, as my mind made its inevitable return to the subject of him.
I realized abruptly that the sun on my skin was gone and my eyelids were no longer red. I had been out here far too long; I needed to get back home, or people would start to worry.
I rubbed my eyes, opening them slowly and stretching my arms above my head before sitting up.
And right there…
Right there sat him, a perfect smile on his perfect face.
I stared for a moment, speechless.
“I hope you’re not offended that I was watching you sleep,” he said softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he chuckled.
I was still too confused to speak.
“I’ll take that as a no,” he said, leaning in until his face was inches from mine.
My tongue was suddenly untied. “I…I need to get back.” I went to get up, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down.
“Wait,” he said. “Don’t go.”
I shook my head. “I’m confused. Why are you doing this?”
He hesitated, his breath brushing my face. “Because…”
I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Because,” he repeated. “Because I love you.”
And then he leaned into me, holding my chin in his soft hand, and he kissed me.
Moving my lips against his before I lost all coherent thought, I spoke to him.
“I love you too.”