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Her hair was Crimson, and it burned like raging fire when I ran my hands through it. Her skin was pale and delicate, and it cringed when I touched her softly. Her heart was weak, and when we realized I couldn’t fix it, it grew weaker. Her mind was an unforgiving maze, I could only hope to get lost in one day. Her feelings were bound by chains only she held the key to. Her soul was pure, but not clear, it was made up of a wondrous mix of every color you could image, creating a stream of light, almost as beautiful as her. Her life was once in my hands, and when it slipped through my fingers, it was the most pain I’ve ever come to know. Her essence of being made me a better man, and made my life full of passion. Her departure soiled my state of mind, every emotion I feel and every word I speak has less meaning all because they’re not being shared with her. Her fears brought her to me, and her fears took her from me. Her dreams gave any star in the sky a run for its money. Her pure emotion could warm the coldest of hearts, and freeze over hell. Her power could make a king lay upon his knees in front of her. Her beauty could make a blind man stop and relish her presence. Her story was to great to be left untold, so I felt it necessary to tell our love story.
I will never forget the first time I saw her face. She had her nose dove straight in the middle of the ‘The Scarlet Letter’. I could not help but approach her, for a woman whom takes pleasure in the great Nathaniel Hawthorne, must be some what enchanting.
Unbeknownst to me, she was the most enchanting woman I have yet to lay my eyes upon. I began to tremble at just the sight of such as sublime lady, to angelic for me. As I stood about her trembling all I could do was selectively choose a corresponding author and proceed to take part in the silent reading session, but for that night I did not read a single word of a single paragraph, from a single book, from that single library. I was however, shown the prettiest smile to ever grace upon a woman’s face, and without speaking a word, I was told the most magnificent story, just from the few seconds when our eyes were interlocked. Her views of me were limited, but mine were omniscient already. She did not bother to take but one glance at a scrub such as I , but that one glance I will always remember. I quickly became enthralled with this mysterious woman, for she was all that crossed my mind. She carried herself in such a unique fashion, as though she was queen of the world, but of course in my eyes she was.
It was not too long after when we had our second encounter. It was at a small coffee shop on the outskirts of London. I often questioned why a lady as fair as she, was never accompanied by a gentleman, but then as I watched her gracefully make her arrival the answer came to me, simply because there was not a man on this earth good enough to bear the hand of such a lady. I knew she was the one I would spend my whole life chasing after. She was the most intriguing figure I had ever watched glide across a room, owning every tile as though it was all meant as gifts for her. She lured me in with her mysterious look, the look of love and deceit, the look of ‘yes I know you want me, and no I don’t need you’. She had fire in her eyes, and when she looked into mine, I couldn’t help
But feel her fire slowly burn deep in the pit of my soul. She had fear behind that fire, and it took me forever to see past those raging flames to that fear, and when I did I couldn’t help but shake every time she was in my arms, Behind that fear was pure passion, in the most delicate form, but that passion was bound by the wrath of another, that I could not stop. She was tainted , and she knew she could not hide it. She was stolen, not taken.
Every time I saw her the story unfolded a little more, I knew she lay in the arms of another, and that did not settle my weary heart that cried out for her. When she spoke, it calmed every feeling in me. Her words flowed like velvet, and at the same time they destroyed you as though a revolver would. She had my heart in her hands before she even knew my last name. The twinkle in her eye alone, made me weak. She was everything I dreamed of, and when I finally held the hand of my one true love, all my dreams came true, all my love was given, and all my plights were tamed. She soothed me, she knew me, she changed me.
I began to see her more and more. Our small library chat become more than a sharing of great authors and smiles. I could not help but be utterly captivated by the most beautiful creature that had ever stood before me, and she slowly became as enthralled with me. She of course was not one to fall quickly, or at all for that matter. For how could one fall when they were already sitting. She knew exactly what she was doing when she drew me closer and closer. I’ll never forget the first time she truly took my breath away.
It was a hot autumn eve, and we secretly met up in a beautiful courtyard. As she walked near me, I knew she could feel every time my own heart skipped a beat. As we sat and our souls simple mingled, I realized at that moment there shall never be another to stand in the way of me and the love of this woman. As I touched her hand, beginning to express my newfound passion for only her, the strangest thing occurred. For it began to rain, not just a drizzle, a down pour. I, of course, was not pleased. I went off on some what of a small rampage. “ It hasn’t rained in ages, and now it is as though the wrath of god almighty is flooding us apart. How can something so perfect get washed away quickly.” She rose ever so lightly, as though there were no clouds above her at all. She touched my arm softy and spoke slowly and smoothly, like she had always done. She whispered, “ Let the sun shine through the rain.” As I had been know to do, I spoke to quickly, “ Are you mad woman, look at this, look at us, were standing in a vast puddle of mud as though we wish to soil our dressing, and your telling me to let the sun shine? My goodness can you not see this is all ruined.” She seemed as though I had disappointed her, and she spoke once more, “ Well, if you can not see into my eyes through these rain drops, you are not the man I thought you were. If you can not understand that I was not simply telling you to look up and try and find the sun, if it is not clearly in front of you that if your heart was true then we could not be flooded apart, only waved together. If you can not see that through clouds of rain and hail come the most beautiful mix up of colors , the one time that glory comes from something so sinister and unforgiving. If you can not let the lighting work as the fire to strike the match, and if you can not see that rain only makes this moment better, then you are not the same intellectual, mysterious, Romeo that swept me off my feet!” She leaned in and kissed me softly, and just like the wind, she was gone. And that was the moment she took my breath away, and ever since then I have yet to get it back.
Once again she amazed me. She did not leave me that night forever, but rather just enough time for me to realize that there were no clouds above her at all that eve. The only thing that fell upon her that night was shame. When she returned to my arms, she was as lovely as ever, and might I say a tad more intriguing. She acted as though I was earning her time, and at any point I could lose it all. Sometimes it felt like our love was nothing more then a turn of the roulette wheel, but I would turn my soul in for chips just to run on a gamble along side her.
Not only did she open my eyes, she closed them as well. She gave me everything, and then took it right out from under me. The more we were in each others presence the more our love became just a game. It was the thrill of the chase; if only she knew she had already captured me forever. Our long conversations turned my whole life around. Listing to her speak about how we would find away to leave everything we’ve been concreted into, gave me the greatest feeling of freedom, something neither one of us had ever really had. She bought about a plethora of adventure and we did not even get our chance to run. I’ll never forget that one conversation that changed my life, the one time her words came out like sweet daggers straight to my heart.
I was not one to be quiet about my love for her, she knew if I was able I would jump from the roof of every factory in this town shouting my sincerity. She however, was solemn most of the time around me, she never spoke quick or ill witted, she always had reason behind every breath and every move she made. She thought with her logic, I thought with my heart. For I was always the one going all in, never did I leave a card unseen, and on the contrary, she was the unmistakable card shark, she could not play one hand without making a life risking bluff. A bluff not even eyes that could tame the highest of flames and melt the greatest of glaciers could see past. One night as we stayed up for hours and hours speaking about life and love , I told her how much I cared for her, how I thought about all she said to me that evening, I told her that I could let the lighting be the fire to strike the match and how I would never let that fire burn out, because I simply loved her. Now this time it was her that went off on some what of a small rampage. She began to posits, “How many times must you say that you love me, how many times must I hear you pled this undying devotion, this need for me that you let weigh yourself down and boggle your mind.” “ For my dear, the truth does not simply become revealed because you pled ‘I love you’, the only way the dirt wipes from the stone is in which the ways that you show me you love me. I do not wish to have my ears flooded with words, I wish to have my heart flooded with emotion.” “Can’t you simply understand you fool, it is not how many times you say that you love me, it is in the many ways in which you prove it.” And that was the conversation that changed my life, for certain.
At that point I had doubts that love really was all one needed to get through anything. I began to question my own intentions and strength. She made my life a whirlwind of emotions, but I still could not bring myself to fall out of love with it all. She never stopped surprising me, and from that one conversation on, she never stopped being reluctant. The last true conversation we had, is the one that burns my soul, even more then the fire in her eyes used to. I once again told my true love that I had learned from the last conversation and that her words of wisdom stung my heart and at the same time
placed a band aid upon it. She sighed the longest sigh, a sigh that pierced my ears terribly. She whispered, “Why must you waste your love on me, why must you care so deeply for me?” This time I could not let this woman just speak and leave, she had to know. It was my time to sigh and proceed with the most meaningful things I had ever told another person. “ It is not fair for you to receive the answer to those simple questions, before I myself know.” “Can’t you see that asking me why I love you is like asking god why it only took seven days. It’s like asking why time can’t just stand still so I can stare into your eyes for what seems like forever.” “ But if it’s an explanation you need to hear to keep you by my side till the day the heavens split us apart, then it’s a worthless explanation you will get!” That was the first time I truly opened up my heart and what flowed form it surprised me as much as it did her. I trembled as I grabbed her hand and spoke slow and steady. “ If you asked me to I would go to the ends of the earth and back just to show you I can not live one moment without you.” “ If you wanted me to I would dive six thousand feet into the blue a bias to find you some unknown buried treasure and swim right back up to the unforgiving surface just to make you smile.” “If you needed me to I would die right this instant so you could be free to let your heart roam for as long as you pleased, and I would take my last breath to say I love you.” “ If you do not know by now that my love has always been solely for you, then my dear you have been blind this whole time.”
“ And If you can not see that all I want to do is make you happy then call upon the ghastly of gods to send me to the most unconceivable place to wither away, because I have not proven to my one true love that you are the sole reason why I wake up each day. If I have not wiped the dirt from the stone, then by god I shall forever be buried beneath it.”
She took a ragged breath and looked into my eyes once more like no one had ever done before, like she was looking right into my soul, like she, for the first time, was utterly speechless. She took the weakest breath, so weak it could not be heard only felt, felt upon my arms that she fell straight into. She took that last breath , just as I had sacrificed, to say ’ I love you’. And just like the wind, she was gone.
I can honestly say those were not the last words I heard her say, because just like that last breath I did not hear those words, for I only felt them.