4 Years With No Air

May 23, 2009
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Its been 4 years now. 4 long, thoughtless, depressing years since Ive seen him. And here he is. The man who haunts my day and soothes my night. The reason I cant kiss anyone else. The reason I cant make myself love anyone else. And here he is

And he stands in front of me. And I just have to know. “Had any girlfriends since me?” But the since me isn’t necessary. Because I was the first. “ No, and you?” he responds, with little more then acceptance in his voice. Acceptance that he cant. Acceptance if I could. “No. It never worked in the end.”

So he has just as bad a time as me. We both could never forget each other. Was it fate? I tend to think it was just an unbreakable bond. I loved him once. And I could never stop.

And now im confessing everything to him as we sit in his one bedroom apartment. All is quiet except my voice, telling the story of my life in the past four years. “ Every morning I woke up I would tell myself that today was the day I would find someone and fall in love with them. And that tonight I would go to bed without crying once. And there would be a smile on my face. And when I ate breakfast, I would start to slip and let you enter my mind and imagine you eating with me. And then reality would hit and I would stop. And all day I would see you in people, see you even when I knew you weren’t there. And then at night I couldn’t fall asleep unless I imagined someone lying next to me. Holding me. Whispering I love you. But I couldn’t stop that person from being you. And you would be in my dreams. You would be there every time. And there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t get you out of my head!” I screamed at him. “ Why did you ever leave! You had to know what it would do to me!”

And now ive collapsed in tears on his couch. I cant hold them back anymore. I cant be strong anymore. I need him, whether I like it or not. And he wraps his arms, the arms ive wished for so long, around my trembling sobbing body. And I look him in the face. And he looks at me. And I confess, I confess it all, ” I still love you Jake. Whether you do or not, I don’t even care. I need you more then I need air. Because I havent been able to breath since you left.” And he looks at me. “ I can only breath now that you’re here.” And he kisses me.

And I fall again into his trap. But this time I don’t care. Because now I can breath.

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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

nina.w said...
Dec. 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Wow. I wansnt sure i liked it at first but after i read on  it was so heartwrenching. It is beautiful.
Oldsoul said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 6:43 pm
WOW!! i love this story. good job. 
Mariah B. said...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 10:44 am
This story is preeeeeeeeettttyyy<3
yvonne2012 said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 12:45 am
GREAT GREAT GREAT!!! im speechless...this is so true. once you find the one...it seems like thats the end of ur own thoughts. everything revolves around them and only them.
Softballsmarty said...
May 5, 2010 at 4:15 pm
LOVE IT! I know excatly how this feels, except my guy wont be my air anymore. But you're an amazing writer!
shan1196 said...
Feb. 1, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Aww Sweet!
Zero_Kiryu This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 2, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Wow. Speechless. Bravo. ZERO <(o.0)>
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