Letter To My Love | Teen Ink

Letter To My Love

September 10, 2018
By Trinitystarr GOLD, Stratford, New Jersey
Trinitystarr GOLD, Stratford, New Jersey
11 articles 6 photos 0 comments

Dear Love,

We have been through a lot together; this much is obvious. I understand that it has been strenuous on both of us at times. I know that how I act has not made it any easier on the situations we deal with. The fact that you have stayed has been incredible, you have been with me in many different forms. As my friend, to my lover, as my life line, and at times my only supporter. Right now we are in the process of starting over after we had to each figure out our lives separately. Taking that time away has showed me many things.

For starters any feeble crushes that I have had are nothing compared to how I feel about you. Their touch doesn't make my skin tingle even when they let go, their texts don't light up my face as much as yours do, their words don't make me repeat them in my head and smile hours later. I don't think that anyone knows me like you do. They don't notice the little things you do, and that's because you pay the most attention. You know my many different moods, faces, lies and tells. You know how to handle me when i am feeling depressed, or when I am so frustrated I could scream. I have not made being this close to me the easiest job and I recognize this.

Another thing it has showed me is how dependent I am with you. Now I understand that this is not a very good thing at some times, but it does show me a lot. I trust you, which is saying a lot considering I don't truly trust many people. I'm not afraid that you will hurt me on purpose. I'm not afraid of the things you will say or do because I trust and know they will always be in my best intent. I trust you with all the different parts of me that I try my best to hide to everyone else. This is not easy for me, and quite honestly we both know I am still working on it. I have realized that I became dependent on you for my own self esteem. Having you tell me everyday that I am beautiful or pretty or any of the lovely compliments you gave me did increase my confidence. But it was only in those moments that I had felt it about myself. Being this type of dependent was not good because when you weren't there I crashed again, as we both witnessed. You have showed me how to love myself and I am really beginning too. I thank you the most for that. It is difficult, but I really am trying to view myself as you do. Of course I have become dependent on your physical presence as well. Your absent minded touches, the way that you hold or look at me makes me swell with emotions I can not even begin to write. For example, when you leave little kisses in the most random spots just because you can makes me beam. When I catch you looking at me and I see all of that unguarded emotion I just want to hug you. I have been dependent on the feeling of safety that you give me. I have become dependent on the feeling that you might have given me a new home.

We have our problems, I am not choosing to ignore that. We have our own personal struggles, triumphs, and moments where we need to be alone. Together we face a lot of surface issues. A few of which just took us over a year to solve. We have gone through a lot together. At times I worry that I take more than I give. Which is why I am writing this. Maybe you will never see this, maybe you will who am I to know. My goal is to give out the hope that everyone can find someone like you. Someone who is so undoubtedly dedicated, even when there seems to be no more solutions or hope. Someone who makes them feel like they are home. Someone who they crave even in the simplest of ways. If this is love, then I truly am in love with you. I hope that everyone can have their own personal version of this.

  With love,

Trinity


The author's comments:

I got inspiration to write this piece by the new movie and prior novel, "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" by Jenny Han. 


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