Well I think this is goodbye. It’s been ok while I’ve been here. Nothing special, nothing important. Maybe that’s why I’m leaving, maybe it’s because no one cares. Everyone hates and everyone ignores. It’s pretty nice. That’s what I told myself as I was walking down the street alone in the quiet. Knowing your walking closer and closer to your end. Maybe it’s the pain you feel when you see your destination or the relief. It could be the happiness when you feel yourself click the button of the elevator, and the hum when it moves up. The awkwardness you feel when someone walks in and stands at the other side of the elevator. The clock ticking as you go higher and higher up. The relief when your alone in the elevator again. And then the silence when you reach the 100th floor. Nothing moved, nothing made any noise, nothing happened. I stood there and all I could hear was my beating heart. It was deafening, the silence. I climb the ladder and felt the rush of cold air. The view was amazing. It was the one thing that delayed my actions. I stood there and stared at the place I lived. For the first time I felt like I couldn’t be hurt, I couldn't be brought down. But it soon all ended as I remembered why I was standing here on this roof. I took a step forwards and then onto the ledge. I stood there, breathing softly, for about 10 minutes before taking the smallest step forwards. Slowly taking miniature steps forward and feeling the edge dig into my toes. The feeling of numb, knowing it’s over. The feeling of the air rushing through your hair as you fall freely through the air. The darkness when you finally get to the bottom. Then nothing.
January 17, 2018