Poisoned Dollar Bills

January 14, 2018
By Anonymous

To Humanity,

Ross handed out dollar bills to the people who walked by, trying to distribute as many as he could before anyone would grow suspicious.  Onlookers were hesitant at first, as the concept of free money was practically unheard of in New York City.  However, as Ross insisted that it was truly free money, people began to take, followed by more.  Ross insisted that each person took $1 each.  People made sarcastic remarks such as, “thanks dumbass” and “you gotta be insane”.  Others were inquisitive, asking why he was doing this, and Ross simply replied, “because everyone needs a helping hand,” faintly smiling. Ross looked more or less uncomfortable standing there.  He knew there was no other way.  He was being watched, mainly by me.  He followed his instructions, making sure each person took one from the box, making sure he did not touch the contents of the box, and making sure he looked anonymous.  Thankfully, the Fall weather allowed him to cover up with a combination of sunglasses, a hat, a long coat, and a scarf.  You couldn’t see his hair color, face, or build.  He would be untrackable.  The $1,000 was disappearing at a rapid rate, and it was time for me to leave.  The recipients would do the rest of the handiwork for me.

Allow me to introduce myself dear reader, although eventually I will need no introduction.  I am a guardian angel and a rational thinker, a person not afraid of ethics if it means the betterment of mankind.  I am an orchestrator of organized chaos. I have been involved in various tricks and pranks, mostly led by others.  The Money Massacre, as I am coining it, is all me.  A real piece of genius.  You see, nobody ever thinks about security in America.  The truth is, they think they are always secure.  They are led by this tragic lie all their lives, and don't think twice until they are bare, naked in this unforgiving world.  That’s where the genius comes in.  An old stockbroker, financial security is an illusion.  The Money Massacre takes advantage of this illusion.  People love to touch money, spending, exchanging, receiving.  Greedy is what they are. 

I printed 1,000 fake dollar bills and about $6,000 worth of carfentanil, an opiate 10,000 times more potent than morphine.  How I obtained this is not important, but what is important is that the lethal dose is smaller than what the human eye can see.  Just by the drug touching the skin, it can penetrate it and cause the person to OD.  Overdose symptoms are highly similar to other opiates, with respiratory depression and unconsciousness being the main contributors to an eternity of sleep.  Each dollar bill has enough carfentanil to kill 13 people.  With 1,000 dollar bills in circulation throughout New York City, that’s 13,000 potential victims.   However, as the bills are handed out, they will be mixed with the other bills, sitting for long periods of time before they will be handled again.  It will take some time for people to realize what has happened, and by then I will be long gone.  This is the last thing I will ever write, the last thing I shall ever do.  Goodbye, and remember my legacy.


The above letter was found in the home of a Tobias Jones, an old stockbroker in New York City.  It was found about six months after it was written, as somebody had stopped paying his rent.  The landlord opened the door to the apartment with her spare key to find it peaceful and quiet.  As she walked around the apartment, she fainted at the sight at Tobias, decomposing on his bed.  Police later came to the scene, finding the aforementioned letter.  By this time, New York had dealt with what Tobias had called the “Money Massacre”, or what the people had come to know as “death money”.  Police were dumbfounded at the sight of it, as New Yorkers had lost around 2,000 lives, with other deaths in neighboring cities, and even states.  As the money began to circulate, people began to rapidly go to emergency rooms with mysterious ailments, dying quickly after they were admitted.  It wasn’t until inner city ER doctors that the symptoms were very similar to the carfentanil epidemic symptoms that they were seeing.  As soon as that was figured out, extra doses of naloxone, a drug used to prevent opioid overdose, were shipped to ERs in droves.  It helped mild cases, but people who had come into contact with too much of it were not able to be saved. 

Police puzzled over the cause of this epidemic, as people of all cultures, races, financial status, and genders came in.  For survivors, they were heavily questioned, giving police answers as to what they ate, where they went, and anything suspicious that had happened to them.  There was only one correlation, and it was that they had all been in Times Square on September 19, 2018, and took $1 bills from a covered man.  This pulled in the FBI, who examined the contents of the wallets of those affected, finding up to 10 times the legal dose of carfentanil in each wallet  or purse.  They had found the cause, but they had to act quickly to save others.  They pressed the victims harder, forcing them to remember where they had put the money, and where they had spent it.  This proved difficult, as answers ranged from giving it to the homeless, as a birthday present for their nephew in Colorado, strip clubs, vending machines, restaurants, allowances, banking accounts, all over the country.

After a long meeting with the President and military officials, the country decided to shut down all forms of cash payment in the Northeast, telling residents to use online payment forms instead.  All other Americans were urged to use gloves when handling dollar bills.  A statement was made out to the American people, asking them for any clues as to who the mysterious man was, and urging them not to take any money from strangers.  So far, the man Tobias mentioned as Ross had yet to be found.  Utter chaos had erupted and the U.S. was unprepared.  Their main suspect was dead, and there were no other leads except for the mysterious man named Ross.  Store owners had to get rid of all their dollar bills and send them to the U.S. government to be checked and collected if there were signs of the dangerous drug.  In addition, there was a growing number of people that speculated that the death money was nothing but a scam and a hoax orchestrated by the government, causing non-compliance from citizens to hand over their dollar bills.  There was no way to win.
Riots broke out in the streets blaming the U.S. government for practically everything.  From monetary security, drug control and terrorists living in the U.S, every finger pointed to the federal system.  Months and months passed with these riots happening everyday, but slowly the U.S. government was able to collect the majority of the dollar bills contaminated with the dangerous drug.  It had been about a year after the death money had been distributed, and although the threat had been neutralized, there was a large wound the nation had to cover.  Tobias had seemed to get what he wanted.

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