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A Memorial to A Mr.Walter Smith

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Dearest Neighbor,

I am your neighbor Jack! You might not know who I am, but I’m the kid who crashed my bike on your yard. You took my bike and I was wondering if I could get it back. You see, my mother is a lawyer and she was not very happy to hear about you taking my bike away from me. So can I just have my bike back?
Just a question. Why do you hate everyone? What have we done to you to cause you to be this way?

Sincerely,
Jack Winston


To the boy Winston

The nerve of young people today. How could you, an entitled brat who crashed their bike into my lawn, threaten me with such an outlandish presumption. Tell me why in the name of the Lord almighty should I give the wretched thing back. Who's to say you won't crash it again anyway? Besides your Mother couldn’t do anything, you have no evidence of me keeping the dratted bike anyway. For all you know I could have thrown it away.
I’ll tell you what, I won’t give you your bike. I will instead start you on a hunt, write back if you want the first riddle. And to answer your question, that is none of your concern.
Unsincerely,
Walter
P.s. I’m watching so stay OFF my lawn!!


Dear Walter,
I am only 8, so I don’t know what half of those words mean, but my mom said that they aren't good words. So my mom gave me a new word to call you, she said it kind of angrilly, but the word is “Curmudgeon”. I don’t know what that means, do you?. Anyways, my mom said that she would drive me anywhere I needed to go for the hunt because she really doesn’t like you and wants to get the bike back without spending lots of money.
WIthout love,
Jack


Jack,
I don’t like you. I find your unabashed ignorance insulting and frankly worrying. I shudder to think this is what today's youth has come to. I hope all eight year olds aren't as stupid as you are. Here’s a tip: get a dictionary.

The rules to this little game of mine are as follows:
You may not receive help
You must solve each riddle in the time limit of two days.
You will have three tries or you won't get your bike back
After all is and done, you will leave me alone
.
There will be three riddles. Here is the first,

During WWII, there was a bridge connecting Germany and Switzerland, and on the German side, there was a sentry tower with a guard in it. He would come out every three minutes to check on the bridge, and he had orders to turn back anyone who tried to get into Germany, and shoot anyone trying to escape without a pass. There was a woman who desperately needed to get into Switzerland, and she knew she didn't have time to get a pass. It would take her at least six minutes to cross the bridge, but she managed to do it. How?
P.s. Tell your mother she’s a shrew


Dear Walter,
I still don’t really know what lots of those words mean, but my mom didn’t look very happy at the “shrew” part. We just had a lesson in my writing class on how to write riddles, so I bet I can get any of your riddles. So bring it on old man! My mom told me to write that one for you.
Your first riddle is easy.
When the sentry went into the tower, she would start to cross into Switzerland, and when he came out, she would start to walk back into Germany. When he saw her, he would tell her to turn back into switzerland.
I told you I was good, and what's with the WW|| riddle? Were you in the war or something?
-Jack

 

Dear brat,
I’m afraid you have gotten the first one correct
Since you seem so confident in yourself try this on for size:
Every night i’m told what to do, and each morning I do what I’m told.
But I still don’t escape your scold.
Sounds a little bit like you, doesn’t it? Simple, like a lemming. I bet you’ve never even broken curfew. When I I was a kid I almost never listened to others, they had to sent me to war to get me straightened out. Because you're probably too stupid notice, I’ll tell you, I have just answered your question.
-walter


Dear stupid,
Your riddles are too easy old man. The answer is simply, a rooster. I think you went too easy on me you curmudgeon. My mom taught me how to use that word just for you. You need to actually use your ancient mind to think of something good to write.
-Jack
P.S. My mom told me what to write, and I had to leave out some of the potty words my mom said when she got worked up.


Jack,
HA! Here you’ve made your first mistake, the answer is not a ‘‘rooster.” You’re not even close and letting your witch of a mother write your letter. I’ve never seen such c***y behavior in my life. ‘Rooster’ indeed.
You keep that attitude up and see where it lands you. I ought to teach you a lesson
Try again,
Walter
Ps tell this to your mom she has the maturity of a five year old. And T'as une tête à faire sauter les plaques d'égouts!


Walter,
The answer is simply alarm clock. You might have tricked me once, but I have it now. Did you know that one of my assignments was to make a really, REALLY hard riddle, so I used the WW|| riddle you gave me. I got an A+. Thanks for the good grade. I’ve been flunking a bit, so that got the teacher to think twice about me again. So keep it coming Walter, and maybe I can get my phone back!
-Jack
P.S. You don’t seem as harsh as people say you are.

 

 

Jack,
Alright perhaps you are smarter than you sound, surely my next riddle will be impossible for you. Here it is:
A man, his wife, and his friend all get in a boat.
There is a storm and the wife dies but the man and his friend survive
They crash on an Island called Flamingo Island.
They stay there for one night before they are rescued
During that night the friend goes away and comes back with meat for flamingo soup
It was the best soup the man had ever had
A boat comes to rescue them and leaves them on a beach
They walk for a bit and come across a seashore shop
They go in and the man orders flamingo soup
He takes one bite and goes pale as a ghost
He goes home and kills himself. Why?


I suppose I should congratulate you on your A+, well done boy. But next time you should write one on your own. I would be quite interested you see what you would write.
Good luck kid,
Walter
P.S. have you ever had flamingo soup? It’s quite good, you should try it.
  

Walter,
`This one is hard, and after asking all my friends they all agreed with me that the answer is. There was a disease in the second flamingo that caused him to be extra depressed and he thought of his wife, and wanted to see her. I’m not sure it’s right, but I did my best for this one.
I will try sometime to write my own, but I don’t like thinking that hard. I get a bad head ache.
Actually I have had flamingo soup. I went to hawaii with my family a while back, and we tried some there.
Best Wishes,
Jack


Dear Mr.Winston,
We are sorry to inform you, but your dearest neighbor has passed. He was taken to the hospital last night at nine P.M. and perished later at three A.M. I am afraid that he was suffering from lung cancer. The daughter of Mr.Smith wishes to give her gratitude to you,as he had died with a smile on his face, the first time he has smiled in years. When Mr.Smith died he was holding your letter to him, and  he wrote on the back of your previous letter during his time in the hospital, as a reply to you,the letter is enclosed in the envelope. He has also included you in his will.

“ I Walter Smith give the bike(the bike with the colors blue and white, and a label across the side that reads “AVIGO”) you will find in the back shed along with my uniform from WWII to the boy named Jack winston.” 
Sincerely,
The lawyer of Mr.Smith.


Jack,
By the time you get this, if you do, I will most likely have passed. I suppose I was more senile than you had imagined. Ah well, I bet you want to know the answer to the riddle. It’s kind of dark but I suppose when you get old the days do tend to get a little dark. I digress the answer is that the wife was in the first soup. I am writing to you Jack, as a friend, and I wish to give you some advice. You don’t have to follow it but here is is: enjoy life. Never stop moving, being free, living life to it’s limits, even if you're having a hard time. Never give up.
Now if you’ll excuse me it’s time I go see an old friend of mine, let's just see how far I can kick this bucket hmm.

Your friend,
Walter
P.s. Tell your mother she did a good job with you.

Walter,
I know you won’t be getting my letter, but I hope you can read it from the grave. I wanted to tell you that you had an Impact on my life and I will miss our back to back letters. You have gotten me to love riddles, and I have decided to start learning french in school. I will always miss you yah old curmudgeon.
With love,
Jack

P.S. I made my own riddle it is “There is a man in a cabin in the woods, and he is dead. no one and no thing killed him, he did not kill himself, and the cabin is in one piece. how did he die?”
NIce one isn’t it. Bet you won’t guess the answer.




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