Dead and Lonely

March 3, 2009
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As Lily slid on her favorite jeans that made her butt look good she got the feeling. The feeling that she always got in the morning that would insure her that it was going to be a good day. She put on her favorite pink top with her brown vest. Then she slid on her brown Bearpaw boots, tucked her pant legs in and walked downstairs. The clock said it was exactly 7:15 a.m. She had 2 minutes before the bus came.

Her mom was in her pajamas and robe sitting in the kitchen, holding her morning cup of coffee in her hand. She was watching Good Morning America trying to find out what the weather was going to be like. Her eyes, with the dark bags under them, were glued to the television. It was normal for her mom to have bags under her eyes because she worked the late shift at Pizza Hut and got home at 3:00 in the morning. Ever since Lily's dad left their family when she was four, her mom started to work weird hours.

Lily grabbed the peanut butter and honey toast her mom had made her and yelled, 'Bye mom!' as she walked out the door.

'Bye honey! I love you! Ride the bus home!' her mom called back without taking her eyes off the television screen.

Lily walked up their long concrete driveway with the snow crunching under her feet and the cool air making her hands numb. The bus pulled up and she hopped on. Her feet squeaked as she walked down the aisle and plopped down in a seat. It was as cold as dry ice.(Figurative Language)
Lily loved this weather. She loved being able to see her breath in the air. She loved the crisp cool smell in the air, but most of all she loved the feeling of snow under her feet. (Specific details for effect)

The bus kept stopping and going as she looked out of her fogged up window to see snow coated trees zooming by. When the bus pulled up in front of the school, she got up with the other thirty kids and got off the bus.

As she walked in the school, the warm air hit her face and blew her bangs back. She walked to her locker and got her stuff for her first class. When she walked through the door of the classroom she was greeted by her best friend Miley. The bell rang and they took their seats. Just as Mr. Biles closed the door the most annoying guy in school threw a pencil at his friend. Of course, Mr. Biles saw him and gave the boy a 'Do you really want to go to the office look?' (Hyphenated Modifier) The boy just sat there like everything was okay, so Mr. Biles started to babble on about the history of Egypt.

After three more classes it was finally lunch time. She went though the sandwich line and sat down next to Miley.


'Hey Miles,' she said as she set her napkins off to the side.

'Hey, did you hear that Alison and Sam broke up?' she replied quickly.

'No, that's big news.'

They kept talking and soon they were cracking jokes. This was the only thing they did at lunch everyday. It was a little game they played were you would see who could get the other one to laugh first. They were laughing so hard their stomachs were cramping up, so hard they could hardly breathe, so hard their faces were turning purple. (Repetition for Effect)
* * * *

After school they walked out to their buses and said goodbye.

When Lily got home, as usual, her mom was working. She did her homework then popped in a Red Baron classic cheese pizza. She sat down on the couch and watched Zoey 101.

'I wonder when Chase is going to tell Zoey he loves her?' she asked herself. (Thought shot)

She heard a beep and got up to go get the pizza out of the oven. She took the pizza out, cut herself a piece, got a glass of pop and then sat back down in front of the television.


After she was done with her pizza, she went upstairs and took a shower. The hot water felt good as it kept pouring onto her head, quickly steaming up the room, but when she got out the cold air came rushing over her to make her cold again. (Magic Three) She slipped on her fleece pajamas and crawled in her bed.

The next morning as she got dressed but she didn't get that feeling like yesterday. Instead it was a tight knot in her stomach. After she got ready she went downstairs, gave her mom a kiss and said goodbye, grabbed her toast and walked outside to wait for the bus.

When she got to school she noticed that Miley wasn't there. She went about her day thinking that Miley just had a doctor's appointment that she forgot to tell her about. It was typical for Miley to be gone from school a lot because of doctor's appointments. She had heart problems and she had to have checkups every three weeks. Miley was normally back at school by third hour because she always went to early doctor appointments.

When Lily noticed that Miley wasn't back yet and it was fourth hour she got a little worried. During fifth hour Lily sat in science daydreaming when the intercom came on and asked if Mrs. Smith could send Lily down to the office. Lily got up and walked out of the classroom. There was no one in the hallway and it was quiet. When she got to the office she walked over to the door and pulled it open.
A lady with curly blond hair sitting in a desk to the left of Lily said, 'Excuse me honey are you Lily?'

'Yes,' Lily replied.

'Umm, here have a seat,' she said in a gentle tone.

Lily took a seat in a chair up against the wall right behind her and the lady sat down next to her.

'Honey I don't know how to say this, but your friend Miley got in a car accident last night and is in the hospital. I'm sorry. Your mom will be here in a few minutes to take you to go see her,' and with that she got up and walked back over to her desk where she started to type again.

Lily felt like the world was crashing around her. She didn't know what to do but cry. She felt so sad she wanted to crawl in a dark corner and cry, so sad she wanted to lock herself away and never come out for another twenty years, so sad she wanted to cry. She tried not to cry but the tears came out anyway. When her mom got there she gave Lily a big hug and said, 'It will be okay.'

When they got in the car they didn't say anything the whole way there. Lily just thought. She thought about how she didn't want to see her friend with a bunch of tubes and cords attached to her and how she would always think of that when she saw her. She thought about all the fun times they had together. She thought about everything.

When they got to the hospital Lily walked through the automatic doors to find chairs to her right with an outdated print on them along with several stains. To her left there was a front desk. Just past the front desk there was another set of automatic doors that led to a plain white hallway with a lot of rooms. (Expanded Moment)

'Hi, we're here to visit Miley Massengal,' her mom said when she went up to the front desk.

'Okay, she's on the fourth floor in room 456.'

'Okay, thank you,' Lily's mom said as she headed for the door.

The doors opened and they walked though the plain white hallway to the elevators. They got in and pressed the four and it lit up. When they got out of the elevator they made a right and soon found room 456. They knocked quietly, and heard someone say come in. When Lily walked in she saw Miley laying on a hospital bed smiling at her. She had a few tubes of liquid leading from a machine to her body but it was not as bad as Lily had expected. There was a steady beep coming from a machine that had lines that were going up and down. Lily thought the beep was Miley's heartbeat. Her mom and Mrs. Massengal stepped outside of the room to give them privacy to talk. Lily walked over and sat down in a chair in the corner of the room. At first Lily didn't know what to say but then they started to carry on a normal conversation just like at school. They talked about everything that was happening at school and all the good times they had together. Within the next hour Lily had built up the courage to sit next to the bed. Then three hours later she was lying next to Miley.

It must have been almost 8:00p.m.when Miley looked Lily in the eyes and said, 'I love you.'

Then Lily turned her head and looked Miley in the eyes and said, 'I love you too.'

Just then Miley grabbed Lily's hand, squeezing it hard. The beeping from the machine got faster and Lily got a knot in her stomach. Miley's eyes opened wide then they rolled back in her head and she closed them. The machine let out a constant beep this time. Lily put her head on Miley's chest and felt her eyes start to sting as the tears flooded out making a wet spot on Miley's hospital gown.

Miley's mom rushed in with Lily's mom following. Both knew what had happened and they both had tears in their eyes just like Lily. The doctors quickly followed and came running to the side of the bed. Lily didn't get up, she didn't want to leave Miley. When she refused to get up, two male doctors grabbed her off the bed and set her down behind them so they could try to save Miley. Lily just stood there not knowing what to do but cry, all she wanted to do was cry, cry for the rest of her life until she died and could go visit Miley in heaven. (Expanded Moment)

Hours later when Lily was riding home in the car she thought about how she had just lost Miley like she lost her dad when she was four.

The next morning when Lily slid on her favorite jeans one tear slid down her face when she didn't get the feeling that she loved. Instead she got the dead and lonely feeling.





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Olliegh said...
Mar. 16, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Please don't explain what each literary effect is. People might think it is degrading because people include those elements without explaining them usually. 
 
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