The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never explained. | Teen Ink

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never explained.

January 18, 2016
By WishalArslan SILVER, Karachi, Other
WishalArslan SILVER, Karachi, Other
6 articles 4 photos 2 comments

Jane walked out of the car and ran to the bathroom, where she collapsed to her knees before the toilet. “I should have told Sam the truth, the truth about why the problem lies with me and not with him”, she said aching.
She grabbed the towel and tried rubbing the red patch on her elbow thinking that it was the sauce that her food contained;  since she was in a hurry to leave the café, her elbow hit her plate. Soon she realized, it was an indication of HIV infection that has been growing inside her for the past few years.
If I stayed there for some more time he would ask me. He would ask me why I took this agonizing decision. Did he do something wrong? Or was our love not strong enough? A wave of emotions flooded Jane and all these thoughts ran through her mind as she lied on the bathroom floor.
It was the sound of the doorbell that distracted her. She rolled down her sleeves and went to check who was there. It was Lucy, her sister; standing at the front door with eyes wide opened aiming directly at her eyes, which were swollen.
“What happened, dear? Have you been crying?” Lucy kept on questioning her. “Did something go wrong? Tell me, please!”
Jane hugged her tightly, buried her face into Lucy’s chest and cried till the feeling of nausea didn’t allow her to.
“I left him, Lucy, I left him without even telling why”, she winced.
“Did he ask you the reason?”
“I didn’t even give him a chance to ask. He tried to say something, but I interrupted him and-” Jane stopped talking, sat down on the couch and covered her mouth with her hands.
“And?”, asked Lucy.
She was not able to answer the question as she felt like vomiting. She ran to the bathroom, but before she could go there, she puked outside the bathroom door on the rug.
Jane was completely embarrassed and felt like a burden for her sister, but her sister assured her that’s it’s completely alright and that she’s going to be fine.
Lucy took her to bed, gave her some medicines and let her sleep. Although she knew Jane was too stressed to sleep.  As she was cleaning the mess from the bathroom rug, she heard Jane crying. It was painful for her to see her sister sobbing like a child. After few hours, she peeked into Jane’s room and found her asleep. She sat down beside her, observing the rashes that appeared on her skin and the veins that had become prominent on her hand due to weight loss. She wished she could bring the healthy Jane back.
In the evening, when Jane woke up, they had a cup of coffee together while sitting at the terrace silently.  Lucy broke the ice and asked, “Did he call you?”
“Yes he did, but I chose not to attend”
“Why are you ending all means of contact you have with him? This must be more painful for him than the thought of breaking up”
For a moment, Jane was found lost in her thoughts. She thought about the kind of love she and Sam shared and how boundless their love was. Sam accepted her for everything she was; he used to love her with all his heart and he was ready to do absolutely anything for Jane. They loved each other regardless of the circumstances. The unconditional love developed a feeling of taking care of one another’s need.  She was more concerned about Sam’s happiness than she was for her own. Due to this she was forced to make the harrowing decision to leave Sam in order for him to move on with his life, thinking that she betrayed him.
After a couple of minutes, Jane inadvertently stated “How lucky it is to have someone whose love for you is independent of boundaries”
“You’re blessed to have such person in your life, Jane,” Lucy said smiling.
“And unfortunate enough to be compelled to grow apart from it.”
Jane didn’t want to talk about their separation so she changed the subject and said, “When do I have to take my medical reports?”
“Today. Do you feel like going?” asked Lucy.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Let’s go to the hospital.”
They went to the hospital, took the medical reports and were asked to wait for the doctor for details. Jane sat on the sofa in the waiting room, thinking about the last time she and Sam met. Lucy started moving to and fro in the lobby, from where she heard Jane’s cry. She ran to her and found her in front of the dustbin puking.
“I am sorry Lucy. I’ve been a burden for you for the past few days” cried Jane.
“I am your sister, darling. I would never take you as a burden. I love you a lot and I want you to always remember that” said Lucy, tapping on her back.
“I am going to sit in the car; meanwhile, you talk to the doctor.”
“Sure. I’ll be back soon; you can lie on the back seat if you’re not feeling well and just give me a call if needed”
“Okay. I’m waiting” said Jane in a low tone.
Lucy told the doctor about Jane’s condition and that she has lost weight. She told him about the rashes that have started appearing on her skin and how often she had migraines. The doctor warned Lucy that if medicines were not taken regularly, it might develop other infections which can be fatal. Lucy got very depressed and she felt a lump in her throat; she wanted to cry but chose not to, as she wanted to stay strong so that Jane doesn’t lose hope. It took half an hour for Lucy to return back to her car.
“What did the doctor say?” asked Jane.
“Nothing much.”  Ignoring the topic, asked her, “Do you want to eat something?”
“Not at all. I want to go back home”
“Sure dear.”
Years passed by and nothing changed; Jane got weaker day by day and the aches that used to occur in her head, now took control over other body parts. She became so weak that Lucy would pick her up in her arms easily. One day they were having a conversation at dinner when Lucy said to Jane, “Jane, you should have at least told Sam about your disease, he would never stop loving you no matter what. Love knows no bounds and Sam was the kind of guy who understood this. He stood by you every time you were in a trouble. Why wouldn’t he stand by you, now?”
“It is true Lucy that loves knows no bounds but the fact that you’ve to let go of the love that causes damage is also true. Sometimes, I also think how things would be if I told him the truth and how it wouldn’t hurt much if he was beside me. But perhaps, it was best for him because this time I was not the one in trouble, he was. He wouldn’t move on if he knew the truth and it would kill me to see his smile change into a frown. ”
Lucy listened to her quietly, understanding the depth of her words.
“I miss him Lucy and I know that he misses me too, but if we were together it would harm both of us. I don’t want that if one day, I die, I take another soul with me. I want him to move on with his life.”
Lucy interrupted her at this point and said, “He still didn’t move on Jane. I don’t know if he’s angry that you didn’t tell him the reason why you left or sad, but he still visits the café every year.”
“He would be angry and that is what I wanted. He thinks that I cheated on him and he might take revenge as well, but I know that one day he’ll move on with his life and I’ll die.”
“You’re not going anywhere, Jane. I won’t let you.”
“Dear, what’s meant to be, will be, no matter what.”
Lucy found it hard to accept the fact as she was very close to her sister. Suddenly a phone bell was heard, a phone call from Jane’s nurse.
“Is this Jane Williams speaking?” asked the nurse.
“Yes.”
“I’m your nurse and you are requested to come today in the evening for your checkup.”
Jane put the phone down and went to her room as she felt drained. Most of the times, she was found lying on her bed mourning due to a headache or vomiting. Lucy helped her in getting ready because she became quite frail and couldn’t make many movements. They arrived at the hospital and met the doctor, where they came to know that Jane does not have much time  left as the infection has spread all over her body. It was the first time when Lucy couldn’t control herself; tears started rolling down her cheek. As they started walking towards their car, they saw Sam next to them. Jane felt like her world collapsed, she sat still in the car, her heart aching. Sam moved towards her with questioning eyes and Jane knew what the question was. They both stayed silent when suddenly Jane fell down on her knees, her lamenting voice was the only sound that was audible to Sam. She felt unconscious and her eyelids dropped down as she breathed her last.


The author's comments:

This is a story of a girl Jane, who leaves his soulmate Sam due to a deadly disease that had been growing inside her. She loves him with the depth of her soul. Their last meeting was held in a cafe, where she decides to leave him without telling him why she does so. Sam visits the cafe every year hoping she would come back.
It is true that love knows no bounds, but the fact that you have to let go of the love that causes damage is also true.


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