The air was warm and fresh accented with an aroma of fresh brewed coffee and tea. The titter of keyboard keys, pages turning, mugs clinking, people chatting, a peaceful buzz was about the quaint little coffee shop. Emma had come to like this place, more than she cared to admit.
She walked behind the counter and placed her backpack on the floor just under the wall hooks, grabbed her waiter’s apron and tied it on. Pulling up her long brown hair freckled with red highlights into a ponytail, Emma crossed to the sink to wash her hands.
“Morning, Wes.”
Wes was leaning forward on the counter with his forearms lying flat. In his hand was a small piece of paper, which his eyes were fixated on. She flicked water in Wes’ face, which prompted him to snap to. Wes folded the paper and placed it in his back pocket, hastily; like a child when you mention something they’re embarrassed about.
“So which one is it this time? The blonde in the ripped jeans, or… or how about the redhead with the tramp stamp?”
“Why do you care?”
“Oh come on. Humor me.”
A redheaded woman wearing a tight shirt that revealed some of her cheetah print bra, walked over to the counter. Wes took the opportunity to escape the conversation and quickly gliding to the counter said, “What can I get for ya?”
“A ginger lemongrass tea. To go.”
“Comin’ right up.” Wes grabbed a to go mug and a fresh tea bag. Crossing back to the counter he said “And a ginger lemongrass tea for the lovely lady.”
“Thanks” the woman said. Her hand touched his as she grabbed the tea, she looked directly into his eyes and smiled “Wow, your eyes are amazing.”
“Thanks.”
“What’s your name?”
“Wes.”
“Well, Wes…” She grabbed a pen from her purse took Wes’ hand and wrote her phone number on the inside of his arm “Call me sometime.” She winked and strut off.
Wes looked at his arm.
“Wow second one today. Which one you gonna bone first? Or are you thinking threesome?”
Wes was a real ladies man. He was very attractive, deep brown hair cut short and spiked up in the front, golden orange accented hazel eyes, a sharp jaw clean-shaven; add in his tall and thin stature and he was basically a god to them. Emma knew it and so did Wes, but contrary to common belief, Wes, did care about the fact that he went through women like nothing, sleeping with them and then never calling them again. He hated himself for it, but he also couldn’t seem to help it. The longest relationship Wes ever had lasted a year and for about six months of that year he cheated several times.
“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
Wes’ mind began to race and once again he saw himself as a monster, as a no good man w**** without a shred of loyalty to anyone. He just wished Emma would get her nose out of his deranged mess of a life. He didn’t want her to get hurt. He didn’t want to betray her like he had everyone else; it was inevitable; he couldn’t help it: why couldn’t he be loyal to anyone? The question he asked himself every minute of everyday.
Over the past year since she had moved to New Orleans, Emma had come to know Wes better than anyone. She thought of him as family; the only family she had left. He thought of her as family too, but he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to hurt her, to abandon her. So he tried to distance himself, do and say things specifically to tick her off in hopes that she would shut him out. Though in reality Wes pushed her away because he was afraid; afraid to be happy; afraid to be who he really was.
Wes didn’t realize that despite all his attempts to build walls Emma was able to see right through every single one. Wes was one of the most caring and loyal people Emma had ever met. She wished he could see that; look past the self-loathing, the denial of identity, the hate and fear of who he really was and see that his heart was bigger than any other. If only he could remember. If only he could see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten o’clock. Ten thirty. Eleven. Twelve. Emma sat outside the coffee shop downtown for two hours, waiting. Looking at her watch she shook her head and with a sigh closed the book she had been reading. Emma placed the book in her bag, stood and began on her way.
The trek was just over four miles. On a nice day Emma didn’t mind the walk, there weren’t many hills along the way and she always enjoyed walking through town, but it was not a good day for a walk. 90° and humid, the kind of weather that makes everyone feel sticky and gross, that makes you not want to move or do anything for that matter. A terrible day for a four-mile hike.
Two and a half hours later Emma arrived at her house drenched in sweat panting like a dog. Emma dropped her backpack on one of the chairs along her kitchen counter as she crossed to the fridge and got herself a massive glass of ice-cold water. She downed the first glass and then got herself another. She stood for a moment, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She slowly opened her eyes and gazed around the room. Emma’s mother emerged.
“Hi, honey. How was your day?”
Emma rolled her eyes, crossed around the counter, slung her backpack over her shoulder and brushed by her mother without making eye contact.
“What was the eye roll about?” a beat “ Where do you think you’re going? Emma.    Emma, you better watch your attitude. This is no way to treat your mother.”
“Hi, mom. My day was peachy. Full of rainbows and unicorns.” Emma said with a smile “Better?!”
“If you’re having a bad day fine, you are allowed to have a bad day, but don’t take it out on me. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Nothing wrong?” becoming on edge “ Sure. You did nothing wrong.”
“God, Emma, what is it now? Please enlighten me.”
“How do you not know? How the hell do you not know?!”
“Would you stop with the melodrama?”
“Melodrama?” Emma began turning a deep red “You forgot me. Remember how you were supposed to pick from the coffee shop, like five hours ago. FIVE HOURS!! And not only did you forget me, but you don’t even have a good reason, and don’t tell me you do. You weren’t at work, you didn’t get stuck in traffic, there was no emergency. No, you were just here sitting on your fat a**!”
“You better watch yourself young lady!” Emma’s mother stepped forward and pointed her finger at Emma. “I will not stand for you disrespecting me in my own house.”
“Ooh I’m shaking in my boots. You might poke me—“
“Wipe that smile off your face or I will wipe it off for you.”
“Go ahead.”
Starting at her hip and following all the way through, Emma’s mother swung her arm and slapped Emma so hard that it nearly knocked her over. Emma looked at her mother with all color drained from her face, and with a tear in her eye she said, “It should have been you…” She spoke with no expression, no emotion.
Emma’s mind was drawn into a memory darker than any other. The night of her father’s murder. Four gunshot wounds, one to the stomach, two to the chest, and one to the head. She saw the deep red stains that covered the concrete floor of the skate shop. The place she went to be with the one person in her life that she felt cared for her, the only one who always had time for her, no matter what. Their special place; ruined. Images of her father’s body, mangled and abused, lying on the cold unfeeling floor haunted her. But what haunted Emma the most was the fact that she was the reason he had been at the skate shop that night. She had asked her mother to stop by the shop on her way home from work to pick up her Psychology textbook, however her mother refused.
“Really, Emma, you need to start acting like an adult and taking responsibility for your actions.”
“I just forgot my textbook, it happens to the best of us. Right? We all forget things once in a while.”
“Well that’s your problem not mine.”
Emma asked her father if he would run to the skate shop and get the textbook, and being himself, of course replied yes. When he hadn’t returned after an hour Emma began to worry.
“It should have been you. Dad was to good a man. It should have been you.”
“What?”
“It should have been you!”
“How dare you, you little b****. Are you looking for a beating?”
“He would never do this to me! He would never call me a b****, or hit me, or forget me. He was always there. Always! He loved—“
“And I don’t? I love you more than anything. More than life itself. I have given you everything!”
“Just shut up! I am so sick of your bull****!”
“My what?” she said in a low hiss, consonants sharp, like a cobra getting ready to strike.
The room went silent. The two stared at each other with such intensity that time seemed to stand still. Emma broke eye contact and turned her back to her mother, as she walked away she shook her head and spoke in an airy sigh.
“You’re not worth it. Why waste my breath?”
“Don’t you walk away from me!”
Emma continued walking. Her mother stepped forward and grabbed her arm Emma turned around pulled her arm away.
“F*** off.”
Emma suddenly found herself on the ground with a bloody nose. She stood as she wiped the blood off her face with the back of her hand, tears in her eyes, full of distress and hate and emotional hurt. Emma screamed like she had never screamed before.
“You should have died! You, not him!”
Emma’s mother went pale so much so that she could have been a ghost, her eyes glossed over and her whole body went tense and began to quiver.
“I…I—“ Emma’s mother tried to speak but found herself stuttering. She couldn’t find the words. Emma reached down to grab her bag. Her mother grabbed her arm again, this time groveling.
“Please, honey… I’m sorry.”
Emma looked directly into her mother’s eyes, right into her soul. She pulled her arm away and watched as her mother fell to her knees. She picked up her backpack and walked out.
Emma didn’t know what to do or where to go, so she just walked. Walked and walked and walked… As Emma aimlessly wandered she thought about her father; wished he were there to comfort her, tell her what to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The late afternoon air was cool and calm and there was an auburn hue to the city, beautiful and peaceful. Wes had decided to go to The Rusty Nail, his favorite bar; it had a very artistic environment, which he enjoyed, though he rarely went there. While on his way to the bar, Wes saw Emma across the street. His eyes widened as his stomach jumped into his throat. It was Emma… face covered in a mixture of blood and tears. He ran towards her with concern.
“Emma.” She didn’t hear him. “Emma!”
Emma stopped and looked at him.
“What happened?”
Emma didn’t say a word she just hugged him and began to cry. Wes looked at her and lifted her chin with the knuckle of his index finger, “Come on, hun. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
That was the day that showed Wes’ true nature, the day Emma saw what even he couldn’t see. He sat with her for an hour as she cried in his arms. He comforted her, he listened to her, he was there for her. Just like her father used to be.
  However, Wes was focused on an entirely different fact of the story. It wasn’t the fact that he took her into his home and offered her a place to stay, or that he sat and listened to her, the fact that he was loyal to his friend who needed him. To him all that was left to remember of that day was the fact that he had left Emma alone in his apartment, not two hours after he had taken her there to get cleaned up.
“And for what? To go hook up with some tramp that I met yesterday? Great job, man. Yeah leave the emotionally scared girl to sit alone in your house while you mindlessly f*** some… What the h*** is wrong with you?!”
The couple walking down the street tried not to stare as Wes shuffled down the city street. He looked like one of those crazy homeless people, except he didn’t look homeless; Okay he just looked crazy: a nut having a whole conversation entirely in his head entirely. Who could blame them? When Wes himself was questioning his own sanity, his whole being even.
Wes tortured himself with this everyday. Asking himself over and over: What is wrong with me?
When Wes returned home a few hours later Emma had left. On the counter was a note.
“Wes,
  Thanks for everything, I’m glad I have someone I can call family. I don’t know what I  would’ve done without you. Wish I could have stayed, but since I’m not 18, I figured I’d  spare us both the stress of having my mom call the cops and having them drag me home. See  you tomorrow at work.
    Emma”
The next morning Wes met Emma outside of her house and walked her to work.
“Hey listen, I’m sorry about bailing on you yesterday. It was a jerk move on my part to leave you sitting alone after what happened.”
“ Don’t apologize. There is nothing to apologize for.”
“I’m sorry anyway.”
“Wes, you took time away from your day, stopped what you were doing, brought me into your home, offered me a place to stay for the night and listened to every word of my sob story.”
“Yeah sure I stopped what I was doing. More like postponed my stupid insignificant plans for a few hours and then—“
“Stop. Don’t do this to yourself. Do you really think that low of yourself?”
“No I look at the truth. I’m a duplicitous man w**** who just doesn’t give a damn about anyone. Do you know how many girls I’ve been with? And do you know how many of them I actually cared about? At all?”
“I am not going to listen to you beat yourself up. You are like family to me Wes, someone I can always count on, someone who has a heart so big, so full, that you’d think it would just burst. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t say duplicitous man w**** to me.”
“Then what does it say?”
“You need to stop worrying about what people are gonna say about you and be who you are.”
“What do you mean be who I am?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No. No, Emma, I don’t think I do. Care to explain?” He snapped.
Ignoring his hostility Emma replied, “Stop being so afraid. Live the life you want to live, not the life others expect you to live… Don’t try to fool yourself, it is obviously not working—“
“What’s your point, Emma?”
“Stop trying to fool yourself with all these girls and let yourself love.  Love who you love not who others tell you to love.”
“I don’t follow.”
“I won’t think any different of you, no one who loves you will.” giving a reassuring smile, “Call that number from yesterday. You know the one in the white V-neck and deep green cargo pants, muscles chiseled to perfection, sharp jaw, killer smile, right?”
“What are you talking about?”
Emma winked. Wes shook his head, she was right and he knew it. A silence fell as they walked. It was a beautiful day in New Orleans, and for once Wes felt like he could just breathe.