Broken Wings | Teen Ink

Broken Wings

January 13, 2015
By emily809 SILVER, Camas, Washington
emily809 SILVER, Camas, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When our actions do not, our fears make us traitors" ~Macbeth


"you'll never understand" she mumbled at him

"what?" his voice raising with the anger intoxicating his body

her eyes meeting his filled to the brim with tears but she wont let them go

"you'll never understand!" she spits out

"make me understand" he screams back

her eyes drift to the floor then to him and around the room trying to focus on an object just to calm herself enough to try and think of a response.

a deep breath is released from inside of her

"depression is like having wings. everybody around you has wings and you look up to see them flying. higher than the tallest building. above the mountain tops, soaring higher than planes and the sky itself, and the moon and sun and stars all go green with envy of how beautifully they float about, but one day you realize your wings dont work right, and you dont fly like them. but they all go on. they dip in and out of the stratosphere and flip around in front of you unknowingly mocking you will every flap of their gorgeous wings and you can take pills to make your feathers prettier and you can take vitamins to make your bones stronger and you can drink serums to help whiten your wings, but at the end of the day they are still broken and you start to wonder whats the point of trying to make your wings so pretty when they'll never be truly beautiful again. you start to wonder what its like to be them. to fly so high, to touch the sky and bend at the bottom of the earth stroking the ground ever so gently barely creating a whisper of dust to even show that you were there, so you climb up high to the tallest building on the highest mountain and you jump. because those five seconds of falling are better than a life time of watching them fly. and maybe tomorrow they couldve fixed your wings. maybe the pills wouldve started to work, but youve waited so long that one more day of waiting and watching and wondering wasnt worth it.

 

so you fell

 

but you also finally felt what it was like to fly"


The author's comments:

its hard to try and explain what depression feels like and how it affects your life. this was what i came up with to try and help describe it a little.


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This article has 2 comments.


on Mar. 1 2015 at 6:25 am
emily809 SILVER, Camas, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When our actions do not, our fears make us traitors" ~Macbeth

@Amai-kun thank you for the feed back! I'll definitely look into this all if I ever want to do something more professional. To hit more on the last bit about punctuation and capitalization, I wrote with the intention of poor capitalization. I wanted to reader to feel like it was written by somebody who didn't care and who didn't have the time to do such minuscule things when something like life was on the line. And in all honesty when I wrote the piece I was in no shape to edit it. I use TeenInk as less of a professional forum and more of a place for me to work my emotions out. I'm glad it needs serious work considering I wrote it in about ten minutes. If it didn't I'd be more concerned as to why I wasn't a published author.

on Feb. 23 2015 at 2:35 am
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

I very much like the idea here, and the metaphor. But I think a few things could be improved. 1) I see it's a short story. Tell me more about the characters and who they are, how they think. 2) A bit melodramatic. I wouldn't worry about it if you add more on, it's just that by itself, it's all one big cliche. 3) Tense. By tense I mean present/past/future. For example, in the sentence 'her eyes meeting his filled to the brim with tears but she wont let them go', you switch tenses. What you mean to say is either "Her eyes, meeting his, filled to the brim with tears, but she wouldn't let them go" or "Her eyes, meeting his, fill to the brim with tears, but she won't let them go". You're a bit mixed up with the tenses here. 4) Grammar, punctuation, spelling. I cannot stress this enough. If you want to be or at least look professional, these are key. I think you're having a bit of trouble with them, which is fine, so long as you get some help with it. You need to capitalise, use apostrophes when necessary, use periods (again, when necessary), etc. etc. It's really very important. However, like I said, I like the concept. I think with some serious work, you could really have something here.