Flaws | Teen Ink

Flaws

November 18, 2014
By jlw20 BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
jlw20 BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments

I rode in, my smile as fake as my makeup.  The truth is that I was nervous.  My palms started to sweat.  I tore off my gloves and wiped my hands on my vest.  Quickly to make sure nobody noticed, I replaced my gloves.  Everyone expected the best from me.  I was supposed to be perfect, flawless.  I stared ahead ready to impress.
           “Quincey Lawrence and Calloway’s Last Rain!” The announcer’s voice crackled over the loudspeaker.  “Our own champion!  She is the best rider for her age!  Keep an eye on her and most likely expect first place from her!” A crackly laugh filled the speaker as I checked myself.  Heels down, arched back, slight bend at the elbows, chin up, knees pressed tightly to the saddle, and most importantly the smile.  I kept it painted on my face a huge smile full of lies.
           ‘Remember you’re the best.  You have to win.’ My father’s voice echoed in my head.  I had to win.  I’m the best. 
           “But I don’t think I can be the best.” I whispered to myself.  “I don’t want to be the best.  But I have to.  I have to be the best.  A champion.  That is who I am.” I reminded myself forcefully. 
           ‘One second place and you’re done.’ My father’s voice reminded me.  Right.  One fail and I have to stop.  I will not fail. 
           A camera flashed, the white light blinding me.  Rain started running.  She slammed into the wall, causing a flash of pain to fly up my leg.  I tried to calm her down, but my soothing words went unnoticed, invisible.  I tried to lead her into a tight circle, in order to make her stop running.  She did stop running, but not in the way I hoped.  Rain reared.  I leaned forward, trying to lock my arms around her neck.  My bodyweight would bring her down.  My arms never made it around her neck; my bodyweight never did cause her to go back to all fours.  I found myself falling.  I’m not sure how exactly I fell off and I’m sure I will never know exactly, but what I will never forget is the crack when I hit the ground.  I knew I was screaming, but I didn’t hear anything.  I was watching the world like how you would watch TV on mute.  I saw my dad yelling his face red with anger.  I had stopped screaming, so I lay there unmoving and silent.  I was aware of everything in sharp detail.  My life seemed to be moving in slow motion and I was the in the center of it.  Aware.  Always aware.
           A wail.  It sounded far away like a baby three rooms down.  I tried to close my eyes, but my body seemed to ignore my brain.  Lights flashed.  Red, blue, red, blue, red, blue, red, blue, red.  I was picked up by strong arms., I was a limp as a rag dog.  The arms gently placed me onto a stretcher and rolled me into the ambulance.  I watched my father try to climb in with me, but he was told to follow along in a car.  He started to argue, but the doors were shut in his face.  The medics tried to talk to me, but their voices sounded distant, far.  Finally everything went dark.
           I woke to a loud beeping sound.  When I pried my eyes open, I was blinded by white lights.  I remembered.  Pain.  Fear.  Noise.  Pain.  I felt so much pain.  My head throbbed and my left arm was attached to a weight.  I looked over at it.  The weight I felt was a cast.  A cast.  A cast would ruin everything.  I wouldn’t be able to ride with a cast.  My father entered the room looking tired.
           “How are you feeling?” He asked me shuffling towards me.
           “Awful.” I croaked, simply, my voice too sore to show any emotion.  My throat felt like I just swallowed a bucket of nails. 
            “Listen Quinn, I was wondering how much you wanted to sell Rain for.  She at least a good 2K…” I blocked him out trying to make sense of his words.
           “Sell Rain?’ I asked.  Inside I was feeling panic and despair, but once again, my voice was emotionless.
           “Of course.” His voice sounded cheerful.  “You didn’t think that you would be riding after this right?” I stared at him.  No more riding.  No more Rain.
           “But…” I trailed off.  I could say nothing to convince him.  I tried my only hope.  “But I love her.”
           My father smiled.  His smile tried to be kind and understanding.  I wasn’t fooled.  He didn’t care what I was feeling.
           “It will be okay sweetie; I will get you a puppy to help you get over it.” I stared at him dumbfounded.  Did he really just say that?   He was treating me like the spoiled rich kid he thought I was.  We shared every feature, yet we couldn’t be more different.  “Quinn?” He asked me.  “Is everything alright?” Fake concern.  Everything was fake with him.  Cheerfulness, concern, all fakes.  I was sick of it.  Fed up with everything.
           “No.” I snapped.  “Everything's not alright.  You’re going to sell the one thing that makes me happy and you ask if I’m alright?   Well here’s the fact.  When you take a toy away from a baby they tend to cry.” Tears started to fill my vision and before I knew it they were streaming down my face.  “I’m not a copy of you, I’m not flawless.”  My father stood there mouth hanging open.  I snapped my head away from him and started to study myself in the mirror.  I looked awful.  My wavy blonde hair had fallen out of my bun in strands.  My makeup was smeared and my light blue eyes stood out like a boat at sea, making my face seem almost ghostly.
           “Quinn…” My father’s voice brought my head back to face him.  “I’m-“
           “Save it.” I snapped interrupting him.  He wouldn’t of really said it anyway right?   He’s never said it before.
           If I were at home, I would leave the room and lock him out of my room, but I was stuck in a hospital bed in the same room with him.  I wished for anybody to save me from this moment.  Nobody came.  This battle was to be faced alone.
           “Quincey Jacklyne Lawrence, look at me!” My father sounded flustered.  I could almost see his face bright red, veins popping out of his forehead.  I refused to look at him or even speak.
           I kept wishing for somebody to save me from this moment.  I couldn’t ignore him forever.  Soon I would snap at him and turn everything into one huge mess.  If I were strong, indestructible, I would not be fazed by this, but I was only human.
           “Quinn…” My father sat in the chair beside the bed.
           “I don’t want to hear it.” I still wouldn’t look at him.
           “Well then what do you want to hear?!” He yelled at me and I heard the loud squeak the chair made as he launched himself up from it.  “I have tried to do everything for you!  To be a good father!  I raised you all by myself!  I gave you everything you’ve ever wanted!  Why can’t you just forgive me?!”
           “You never did anything for me!” I felt myself scream.  “I had to beg you for riding lessons!  All you ever wanted from me was to be an exact copy of you!  You made me take piano lessons and refuse to take me out even though I hate it!  You’ve made me do so much, riding is the only thing I like and choose to do!  I love it, but you make me be the best!  What if I’m happy with second place?!” I was crying again.  Waterfalls coming from my eyes.  My dad looked furious and stormed from the room.  All energy just left me and I slumped back on the pillows, trying to cease my tears.
           Katlyn came to pick me up.  Katlyn, my best friend, came to pick me up.  We got into her car, she was a few years older than me, so it was legal that she was driving.
           “I’m sorry your dad didn’t come to pick you up.” Katlyn told me as she cleared the passenger seat of the normal makeup and fast food wrappers.  She stood up and flipped her chestnut hair out of her hazel eyes.  Her tanned face prickled with emotion for me. 
           “Could you take me to the barn?” I asked her.
           “I don’t know Q, you suffered a pretty nasty concussion back there and your dad told me not to take you to the barn.” She slowly backed out of the parking space.
           “Quinn-“ She slammed on the brakes and swore violently at the person that just cut her off.  “I just don’t think it is a good idea.”
“But I need this!  My dad’s going to sell Rain!  I need to stop him or at least say goodbye!” I was getting hysterical, breathing really fast and trying my best to hold back tears.  Some tears slipped my efforts to hold them back and ran down my cheeks.  Hastily, I ran my sleeve across my face trying to erase the evidence of my waterworks.  Katlyn looked at me her thoughts visible on her face.  After waiting forever, she spoke.
“Fine, but if your dad gets mad, it wasn’t my fault.” She made a U-turn and headed in the direction of the barn.  I cheered.
           “Thank you so much!’ Katlyn just sighed.
           Soon Katlyn eased into a parking spot in front of the barn.  I was out of the car in five seconds flat.  I ran to Rain’s stall only to find it was empty.  I assumed the worst and the tears started to fall again.  Slowly I made my way to the arena, thinking that at least I could watch a lesson.  The horse trotting around the ring seemed strangely familiar.  The tan and black paint horse was skittish and jumpy.  Rain.  Somebody was riding my horse.  This made me furious.  I stormed over to my father, who was standing in the middle of the arena.
           “I told Katlyn to take you home.” He snapped.
           “Don’t bring her into this!” I yelled.  Rain started to freak out and the person riding her had to fight for control.  I ran straight up to Rain.  “Could you please get off?   This horse is no longer for sale.” The person nodded and slid off, I climbed on.
           “Quincey!  Get off!” My father yelled.
           “No, I’m going to show you I can ride!” And I did just that.
           Once I was done with my little show, I slid off of Rain and started to lead her back to her stall.
           “Oh yeah and Dad?” I called behind me.  “Rain is no longer for sale and I’m going to keep riding.” I looked over my shoulder to see my father his face red with angry and fists clenched at his side shaking with all the anger he managed to bottle up inside.  “Oh, I almost forgot, I’m also going to quit piano lessons.”
           I walked out my arms around Rain’s neck and I was smiling.  For the first time in forever, I felt pure joy, bliss.
 



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 3 comments.


rje20 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 16 2015 at 4:54 pm
rje20 BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 5 comments
its good :P

jlw20 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 16 2015 at 4:54 pm
jlw20 BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Thanks! This comment means so much to me!

agp20 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 16 2015 at 4:50 pm
agp20 BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I really like this story and how you used so much detail to describe Quinn's emotions and her surroundings. Overall, it is a very good story and I would like to see more of your work!