I woke up this warm August morning, feeling utterly helpless. I had no idea why, until I walked outdoors, and i could feel the sun on my face, shining brightly and happily, giving off warmth. I looked up, expecting to see the huge ball of golden fire up in the sky. Yet i saw darkness. I could feel the wind winding its way through the spaces between my wide open fingers; I could feel the moist, powdery dirt beneath my bare feet; I could hear the birds chirping merrily to each other, free of cares; I could smell the earthy, moth-y scent of a Birch tree next to me; I could hear the creek bubbling along between the rocks and loose sand; I could smell the sweet spring violets, roses, and tulips blooming in my garden. Yet I could not see all these wonderful things that all my other senses picked up on. I couldn't see the clear sparkling water in the creek, i couldn't see the beautiful flowers in the garden, i couldn't see the wind swaying the branches in the treetops, I couldn't see the pretty colors of birds singing to each other, I couldn't see the brown velvety color of the earth. I. Couldn’t. See. I was blind. Blackness wound its way around my conscious mind, seeping into every space in my body; taking over. It smothered all cries of help, and evaporated each tear. It took over my life.
December 23, 2008