Am I cursed? Is my fate to suffer in life? I feel like my heart has been struck by lighting several times leaving my body immobilized to the world’s greatest evil and my mind is trapped in hell. I never thought that I would end up here. Locked shut in this realm within it lies my soul. My inner spirit is caged liked an ugly beast in the corner reaches of mental emotions. I ask myself what if love is not true. What if hate is all there is in life? What if money is nothing but an attempt to purify yourself from self hate, but in this attempt to cleanse yourself willing or unknowingly you are risking your life in either total destruction or blinding your self to the pure or impurities of the hidden but acknowledged truth within your body and soul. From the saying of a wise elderly monk of the spiritual empire glaclastkein (Gla.K.last.T.N). He said to me that nothing is what it seems, do not judge for one another because you may think that you are different but we are all one in the same and we all have to share this earth. Listen to my words and realize the truth, pure is impure, impure is pure, good is bad, and bad equals good, hatred is love, thus love becomes hate, and even a deadly sin can be a heavenly virtue. Although I didn’t really understand his seemingly wise words of wisdom. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about and convinced me so well that I spent my life trying to decipher his saying and find out some truths to life and hopefully better my life in this progress of opportunity. In the present time asking these questions, searching for life has caused me to fall apart. I turn from a prominent young student to a junky. Then from a junky to jail bird but within this cell, wasting my life. I find myself discovering what I have been looking for since that faithful day. But like a rose held by a rose bush. I am wondering if I will ever be picked by someone for the simple reason of enjoyment of me and for them to gaze amazingly at my beauty at every look or even at a glance at my outer self image with an impressive amaze. Being shut tight within this prison has got me thinking about my mother. I don’t really know why I constantly think about her. I question myself to that if just knowing that in her last agonizing moments she made her final
Struck by Insanity!
December 9, 2008