Not Goodbye, but Hello | Teen Ink

Not Goodbye, but Hello

August 24, 2014
By coffeeluvn SILVER, Calabasas, California
coffeeluvn SILVER, Calabasas, California
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments

The sun seemed to be shining brighter than normal and the birds seemed to be chirping louder than usual. I groggily opened one eye blinded by my shockingly white walls and checked my phone, that like any other teenager’s phone ,sleeps with me all night above my head, to see it is September 2. My phone must be broken; there is no way this very day is September 2,2014. August 1st seemed like only yesterday. I hopped out of bed and walked into a wall, good morning to you too wall, on my way to check my paper calendar, because we all know technology can play tricks on us from time to time. Wow, today actually is September 2, 2014. Today is the day I have been waiting for since I was a little girl watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I was going to be Audrey Hepburn in the city. My dreams were finally coming true and my life was finally about to really begin. This realization that had been making me restless and anxious for months transformed from excitement into fear, faster than apple could create a new Iphone. I tried to calm myself down and explain that this has been what I desired for so long, what I needed, but fear was clouding my heart and mind. All I could think about was being thousands of miles away from my home. Would my mom be okay all alone? Will my sun kissed skin survive the chilling white winters? WHY WAS I THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THIS NOW? I had been so sure years, even weeks ago, without even thinking about those worrisome thoughts. That was normally my mom’s job to worry, not mine. I was supposed to be the strong confident one. I cannot break down, not today. I went to the bathroom and splashed some icy water on my sweaty face. I plopped back into my bed and felt safe in the comfort of my cocoon of sheets. I glanced around at all of the pictures plastered on my walls, and all of the memories created in those photographs. Why was I crying? I have wanted a change, I have changed and so have the people in those photographs, but the dazzling smiles reminded me that before all of that I was happy and at home. Now where is home? I have to start over and I know that is what I want, but now that it is finally here my stomach feels like an intertwined necklace that I cannot untangle.  I looked out my window and transported back to the times I would play barefoot in my driveway and dream of the hustle and bustle of the city. What would that girl think of me if she saw me now? She would probably give me one of her famous bear hugs and assure me that it is going to be okay. She would explain to me how change is scary, like  her first day of first grade, but even though change is unknown it brings something beautiful, like her best friend she met on that first day and kept since that first day. This nostalgic moment made me realize that I cannot let fear control my life. Fear is just a feeling, that is okay to feel, but should not determine my future. Now that was the girl I knew. I headed downstairs to my mom’s famous eggs and orange juice and she said with tears in her eyes,” our last breakfast.” I replied with “this is not our last breakfast mom, rather the first of many new breakfasts in new places.  Don’t be scared it is not the end, but the beginning,”


The author's comments:

I leave to another state for college September 2 and this is how I envision that scary, yet exciting day. This piece expresses my jumble of emotions that I have been putting aside all summer.


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