I am in my room. Its dark, the lights are off, I’m on my bed…knees pulled tight to my chest. The shades to my window are pulled up, revealing the crisp night sky. A cold winter night, even the leaves are trembling from the damp air. Soft white confetti is falling, like a blanket, tucking the world in for the night, like one would do a child. My head is full…of thoughts, thought after thought…rushing through my head like the frigid wind of the winter night outside. I think of my dad. Of the fight…the big fight. That just happened downstairs, the steamy yelling, the heated glances, the smoldering eye contact. Enough heat to melt the fresh snow. I think of why we even fight…it seems useless, yet we do it all the time. My door slowly glides open, I don’t turn to see who it is. I hear a voice. Honey. I’ve always loved his voice, it reminds me of happy moments…not lately though, not at all. Yes dad. Why can’t the present be as bright as the past seemed, or maybe the past was just as dark as today…but I shade it out, maybe today will be a bright day…eventually. You know I love you. Maybe every dark day could eventually be a bright day… memories always seem brighter than the present. If this is so, if every dark day gets shaded out by our mind…to become a bright day, a shining moment…then do dark days even exist? Maybe life is dark, maybe everyday was a dark day…but the mind is built to blanket those thoughts and replace them with false joys. We are built to withstand the dark world, and everything we know is shaded. Yes dad I know. He’s in my room. Why is he here? I wish he wasn’t…let me be mad, please. Just let me be mad. Sweetie, I love you… I need to be mad. If we resolve this with a simple “im sorry” then that whole fight was put to waste. It had no meaning, I don’t care if he’s here right now. I need to defend what I was fighting for…I matter too. If he loved me he would’ve listened. He would have cared…but he didn’t listen, he yelled. Why do people yell, they yell to cover their true feelings. It shows weakness. I know that we will fight, all families do. I’m guilty of it too, I was yelling. Inside and out. I shouldn’t have. Maybe people yell to much…life is so easily wasted with raised voices. I have to forgive him. Life is too short. I should stand my ground…but maybe I shouldn’t. If I do stand my ground, am I wasting this moment? Every moment in life counts, life is a book. An interesting book full of love and knowledge…I know dad. But I’ll find that in the end, I’ve only read a page. One page. Every word, every decision counts…its another sentence in the book I get to experience. No one gets to finish the book, but some, the smart one’s make it further than others. I don’t wanna regret. I want to look back saying “wow, I’m glad I loved, I’m glad I let go” Ariel, we think differently, everyone does. But some things aren’t worth forgiving! If I let go so easily…then what part in this world do I play? I’m not a puzzle piece, I think differently. I can’t let him demean me. I understand. This is too hard. Do I stand, do I forget? Stand or forget? If I forget, it’s another opportunity wasted to show resistance, that I can think for myself. If I stand, I waste a word in my book, It’s a moment I don’t get back…ever. Ariel. If I forget, I show weakness. But I also show love. I show wisdom, I show peace. If I stand, I show opinion, that I count. But I also show self-involvement and loneliness. I’m sorry, I love you. Each decision taunting…true…and valid, yet both not without fault. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Forget, stand, forget, stand. Stand…I will stand. I count. Forget…I will forget, it’s the wiser decision. Stand…I must stand, be unique. Forget…I must forget, while the moment is ripe. Goodnight Honey. This is it. I will forget. This once…I have too. Love is the one universal quality that threads us all together. I love him, I love him. I forgive, I forgive. I forget.

“ I love you too Daddy, I’m sorry, goodnight,” I will forget…I have forgotten. I turn around from my window, I’m ready. ..He isn’t there. He’s left.
I pull my legs in tight. I reach for the covers, and bundle myself up, from the cold. The cold seeping in from all ends. The cold that is impossible to warm. I take one last look out the window, at the vast night sky speckled with white dust…and close my eyes. I’ll make tomorrow count. I promise.



Time is fast. The fastest. Every second spent, is a second gone. Life is meant to love and learn, yet it is so hard to accomplish both in the amount of time given. When thinking about how to best spend time efficiently, you lose time. When thinking about losing time…time slips by. It’s a trap, a hole, that never ends. If fallen into the hole, there isn’t any use getting out…because you can’t. You’re too busy thinking of how to get out, to get out. It’s a game of chance, those who dare to think, get trapped, those who dare to love, escape. How does one achieve both? I do not know. The biggest problem is deciding what to fill your time with…and in thinking about what decisions to make…you fail to make any decisions at all. Time…choices…thought…a curious mind, is a mind in pain. The constant tick. Tick of time. Tick, tick, tick. An echo. You think and contemplate and back-track and side-track and forward-track so many times, and when you wake up…you find yourself alone. Alone, in a field, surrounded by the world bustling around you, with life, with people who decide and do. And there you are sitting there alone, the moment past. A moment gone. And you say to yourself, I’ll make the best out of the next moment…but what you don’t know is that there isn’t going to be another moment…not like the one you just missed.