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From My Heart

I think it was his smile that first lured me in. The way that the corner of his eyes would crinkle and the way the sides of his mouth would slowly turn upwards. His smile was bright, wide, and strong. It shined with happiness, showing off his perfectly straight and white teeth. He would try to hold it back at times but it eventually would break through the veneer. When it did, his face, his eyes, light up and I can’t help but to gasp a little. It was as if his whole body smiled, not just his lips like the other boys. His grin was literally contagious. Everyone around him, from teachers to cranky babies, would pause and smile in response, no matter the situation they were in. I would sit and stare at him, sighing with the thought of maybe, possibly, hopefully, having a relationship with him. He would smile and I would go dizzy and feel faint. His beyond gorgeous smile would burn into my heart. He would beam at me and the beauty in his soul would radiate off of him.
Actually the more I think about it, maybe it was his eyes that caught my attention. They seem so basic and normal to the common person, but to me they were so much more, so much bigger than what they led on. They were brown, but they weren’t just any brown. No, they were dark brown on the outside with a more of an oak brown colour near the iris. They have a certain undefinable sparkle to them; alluring and sensual, with a touch of mischief. These captivating eyes were the kind that you can look into and feel like you are getting lost. They seemed to smile from his heart. They would draw you in, and then send you into another universe. His eyes would teach you more about his own self than his words did. The common person would not be able to read the words in his heart because they did not look deeply enough into his eyes. His eyes had these words printed in the whites, and were scrolling through his message.
But you know, it could have been his laugh. It was loud but not obnoxious. It was more of an attention getter. He never tried to be center of attention, but in the end his laugh caused him to be. It was strong and powerful. It caught the ears of everyone around. It seemed real and not forced. It seemed like he didn’t try to laugh, that it was natural. His chuckle is deep sounding, mellow, calming, like a deep river washing over a path of stone. His laugh was melodic and I wondered what it would be like if he sang to me. It enters your ears with a force, but slows and calms to the song that he was speaking. When he laughed, it seemed like it came from inside. It seemed as if it crept up his throat from the bottom of his stomach. When he chuckled, it seemed as if it was on the road to escape; as if he didn’t get to laugh often. His laugh appeared to shudder through his body. His stomach would ripple. His shoulders would shake and he would throw his head back.
Honestly I have to admit it. Sure it was his smile, his eyes and his laugh that had made me interested, but it was his personality that made me fall for him so hard and so fast. The words to describe him slip from my mouth. There is just no way I can. He is amazing. I try to describe him and my mind instantly goes blank. I know who he is, and how he is, but it is just so complicated to define him. There’s times when he’s happy and joking around, and then suddenly he’s sad and quite. Then he’s loyal, honest and open, but you turn your back for a second and he’s closed off, angry and hurt. I’m constantly on my toes around him. I never know what to expect when I see him in the halls before class or when I call him after school. I know this sounds like such a hassle to some people, but for me, I love it. I love not knowing what to expect. I love being on my toes. I love having that adventure and excitement when I’m with him. I have never met someone who had given me the thrill and want to be around them like he has. I have never met someone as ambitious, caring, charming, clever, considerate, creative, curious, funny, honest, jokey, kind, loyal, playful, sincere, thoughtful and trustworthy as he. Let me just fan girl for a second.
OK, I’m all good now. It’s just when I thinking about him puts a smile on my face, butterflies in my tummy and the words in my mind go all jumbled.
Why must I be tortured like this? He is so perfect and it’s just not fair. Why must God dangle a great guy in front of me like this? Why does He allow me to fall and not give the opportunity me to have him? But that’s ok. I know our feelings are just one way. God had placed this amazing guy into my life for a reason. I don’t know what it is yet, but one way or another, I still have him. In the end, he’s still there for me.



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