Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Rebirth vs. Suicide

Rebirth versus suicide. I want to make the conscious decision to no longer exist, to no longer exist as the person I am. I cannot reverse my faults. I cannot take back my words. I cannot succeed when I chose to fail or reclaim any integrity I so irresponsibly lost. Thus, I shall reinvent myself: A revolution of the heart and mind. I shall be born from the blood and tears and grief that killed my former self. What then, if I accept the person I used to be like an old friend or lost lover? Would that vanish the regret? Would that rid me of the knife that works its way through my gut as I try to form words? Would it at least allow me to read my own writing, without calling it trite or mediocre?
Would it stop me from hating the new person- from hating me?
I can only hope so. I can only hope it will embrace me with all the warmth and freshness of the morning, pulling me into the presence of light and the presence of love and the presence of God.
I can only hope, with all the desperate, honest longing that is hope, that I can still save myself. I can only hope, with the blinding blanket of snow that is hope, that all things that ail me can be cured, that someone will love me despite them and that someone already does.
I hope. When there is nothing else I can do, I hope. I hope with the promise of a new day, a baptism, a change. I hope with the hypocrisy that dwells in the pit of the well in my heart and the hypocrisy that settles on the ocean floor. I hope for the miracle of chance- a much greater miracle than many would think. It's the kind of miracle that makes skeptics fall to their knees in prayer, something I yearn to do but my secular mind forbids.
Someday soon I will be relieved of my wounded heart and my empty beliefs and the restrictions on my ideals. The verdict's in: Rebirth is victorious.



Join the Discussion


This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

robby said...
Nov. 4 at 7:07 pm:
I wish to die and NEVER be reborn as a human or animal on earth or exist as a ghost. I would like to die as soon as possible by WHATEVER means so long as I die and go to heaven. Even if my existence ends, so be it. I would like to commit suicide but rebirth is an issue. One is reborn because of karma.

I am a great guy, a really good person. Have talent and all but god has been too unkind to continue life. Things have gone downhill big time and I have even lost a lot of my looks, whi... (more »)
 
BilbroSwagginsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
today at 9:29 pm :
Through God's son Jesus Christ you can have a personal relationship with God.  I was skeptical of the whole "religion" thing but by accepting Jesus I was reborn and have a relationship with God.  When this happened my whole perspective of life changed.  I encourage you to seek a relationship with God! John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, so that whosoever belieeves in him may have eternal life."
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
EdventureGirl said...
Jan. 21 at 6:41 pm:
Wow, what a stunning piece! I was really amazed by the quality of your writing and how touching it was. I think this has the potential to open a lot of people's eyes and help them in their own lives. Keep up the good work!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
RawrBeckAhhh This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 4, 2012 at 8:15 am:
This is utterly beautiful in what it is- A meditation of change and growth.  It's very personal and very real.  Thank you for the opportunity of reading your work. 
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback