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Looking into the Face of Death

Nothing changes when you wish and wish for someone you love to come back from the dead. Nothing happens when you cry yourself to sleep every night, nobody hears you and eventually they all beginning to forget about you, alone in your dark stuffy room. When his heart bean to wither away they told us so. They said he only had a number of days and to live everyone like it was his last, so we did. We did things we have never done before like, painting, and flying in a airplane. We spent nights looking up at the stars and having tickle fights. We would sit on the couch, share a bottle of wine, and talk about the present. He and I became closer than ever and when he drifted into the light, part of me followed him. As he his heart began to slow down and he was in a hospital, I just lied down next to him, holding his hand, and praying that this was all a dream.

The world seems dark now. Nothing is beautiful, everything is just a reminder of his face. I knew that insanity was creeping up on me like a predator stalking it's prey. So, I moved from our little town and to someplace new but nothing felt different. It was if treachery and despair insisted on following me. The world became a fog and the days zoomed by like a train and miserable became my only identity.

I thought about how this could end, "With a knife or maybe a stone or a monstrosity of a height for a building. No, just think about how this act will hurt your family." I went to my doctor terrified of the bloody thoughts I had been having and of the way I had been feeling. He gave me a check -up, ran a few tests and that is when I learned that, I was pregnant. Then, I knew I couldn't take my own life. I had a responsibility. I was going to be a parent not just for me but for my husband too.

The baby came in late December. My whole family was there. I was happy, but I couldn't help crying for my husband to come and see our baby being born but, he wasn't there to see.


The baby was a boy. A beautiful, blue -eyed, soft -skinned boy. And his name was Daniel. Named after his father. And that was when I decided to stop looking death in the face and to move on. So, I punched death in the face instead.




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hippiechild said...
today at 12:03 pm:
Sorry some spelling errors spell check doesn't work!
 
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