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Sometimes

Sometimes I sit there, staring at my computer screen, waiting for a reply. Sometimes I change my route to classes so that I “just so happened” to run into people that I “just so happened” to want to see. Sometimes I rehearse conversations in my head, going over every possible route the talk could go down. Then sometimes I never bring up that topic. Sometimes I talk too much just to keep people from walking away. Sometimes I wonder if people talk behind my backs.

Sometimes I think about talking to him. Sometimes I think about talking to his girlfriend. What an awkward conversation that will be, “Hi, I’m the girl who used to want to furiously make out with your current boyfriend. I say, ‘used to’, but to be honest I still have feelings for him because deep down I can’t admit that your current boyfriend lied to me.” I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he thinks that I couldn’t handle the truth, or the fact that he might have been right.

Sometimes I think about other guys. Sometimes I shoot myself down in my head. Sometimes I wonder if I talk too much. Sometimes I wonder if that will bring my downfall. Sometimes I wonder if my friends were trying to make me look like a fool. Sometimes I worry that every person I love will leave me; that I’ll die in some chat room talking to someone who promised to pretend to be my friend for three hours in exchange for money. Anything, anything at all, is better than being alone.



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