The Jake I Knew | Teen Ink

The Jake I Knew

May 9, 2013
By PhoebeB GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
PhoebeB GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."
-Victor Hugo


The wind ached beneath his feet. The airy gusts dispersed his thoughts, and propelled him towards the one action that changed my life, forever. In the moment, I thought it might be better to watch him, to look on as the conflicting opinions inside his head forced pitiful creases upon his brow. Today, I would give anything to go back and change the events that followed. I would do anything, for just one opportunity to talk to him, to listen when he talked to me. I could have done so much to stop my brother’s suicide, but I did nothing.
He jumped, if that’s what you’re wondering. It was mid-morning June 16th when my brother lead me up to the rooftop of our forty floor apartment building and told me what he was going to do. I can remember it vividly.

We were on the roof of our apartment building.
“Sarah, I’m not gonna lie to you— my life sucks, and I hate everything about it. I hate school, I hate my friends, I hate my home, and I don’t wanna live anymore. I’m gonna make it stop, all of it. I need to do this.”
And then, the first tears shone on his cheeks. I would never have seen if it weren’t for the sun, which beamed above us at that exact moment, a flicker of light. The beads of water reflecting off his ghostly complexion, like flames burning holes in his soul.
I was shocked into silence, none of this could be true. I stepped backwards, reaching with my hand behind me— fumbling to find the door-handle. I had to run and get help, and I had to be fast. I grasped the warm, metal knob and pulled. Nothing. I pushed. Nothing. I turned around to face the door, heaving my shoulder into the door. Nothing. And then I realized what he had done.
A snicker, then words. “It’s locked. You don’t come up here often, so you wouldn’t know. All doors that lead up to the roof are one way only. You can’t turn back without a key. This key.”
So he had had the key I needed. Where could it be, I wondered. I needed to get back to Mom and Dad before he did anything stupid. I couldn’t let him do this to himself.
I turned around, and walked towards him. There was no use fighting with a piece of cheap metal, I needed to help my brother. I took the few steps that would close the distance between us. When I stepped up to him, I looked into his eyes for the first time in a while. We hadn’t really spoken in weeks, I realized. Our different interests continued to push us in opposite directions, and while home, schoolwork stopped us from spending much time together. When I looked into his eyes, I saw something there that wasn’t my brother. A new glint. A bad, sad, terrible shine to the dullness of his eyes. Why hadn’t I noticed this before.
“You can’t do this, Jake,” I choked out between frightened, shallow breaths. “How can you do this? You’re happy, you’re not sad. You can’t be sad.” But, even as I said those words, I knew they weren’t true. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw my brother make a joke at the dinner table, or smile, or hang out with his friends. He wasn’t happy then, and it had most likely been a long while since he was.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah. But I can’t keep living like this,” Jake replied. His voice was calm, relaxed. He was not worried. He had thought about this before, I could tell. The idea wasn’t new to him.
“No, Jake. Please, just come back to the apartment with me, and we can talk about this.” I hoped something I said would stir some kind of emotion inside of him. But, I knew that nothing I could do would save him. He had decided to do something I could not change.
“Why did you bring me here, anyway?” I asked.
“Because I love you, and I needed you to know that I am doing what is best for me,” he said. Those words were not at all assuring, although it seemed like a decent enough goodbye for Jake.
Jake walked toward the ledge, balancing on swift strides that didn’t belong to him. The Jake I knew wouldn’t do this to himself. This wasn’t my Jake. This wasn’t Jake at all. This was somebody else’s brother, not mine. My brother wasn’t like this. He couldn’t be like this.
But, he was.
“Jake stop!” I screamed, but he didn’t listen. I screamed again, hoped that he would hear me and change his mind about all of this. “Jake! Listen to me, Jake! Stop! Please!”
I didn’t run towards him. It would never have helped.
By that time, Jake was standing with both feet loosely balanced on the thin ledge. There was nothing between him and his death.
And, then he jumped. He didn’t turn around before he did it and whisper a teary goodbye, or race back to me and hug me— he did none of those things. He never even so much as looked back. And then he jumped. His blurred outline fell out of my sight, and he was no more than a memory.

That is how I remember his suicide. I don’t think of that person who killed himself, as my brother. My brother was the nice, kind boy who I grew up with. The boy who helped me bake donuts for Mom’s 42nd birthday when he was seven and I was four. The boy who showed me around school on my first day of kindergarten, and helped me learn my ABC’s when the teacher said I needed extra help. The boy who always used to play checkers with me on snow-days.
That boy was gone long before Jake committed suicide.


The author's comments:
"This piece is very inmportant to me. Although it does not personally relate to me in ANY way--, the topic of suicide and promoting awareness of these types of things is very important to me. Suicide is a very serious problem, and I think writing about it is an important step for my own understanding of it.

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This article has 14 comments.


on Oct. 14 2013 at 2:31 pm
abandonedkid SILVER, Richmond, Virginia
6 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"every guitar needs to be tuned" which means everyone needs help with something

that is so sad it happened to me to his name is jake too keep posting

on May. 28 2013 at 6:40 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

That is soooo sad! Wow.  You wrote that so well that it was breathtakingly sad, especially the last line. That was utterly heartbreaking. I think it might truely touch people.

on May. 26 2013 at 7:18 pm
Wings10FeetTall GOLD, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
17 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
May your words be sharp.
- Christopher Paolini


Nobody's going to wait for you, so do it now.
-Ingrid Michaelson


Broken hearts heal, but never the same.
- Jessica Romo

Idiots rely on luck.
-Sherlock Holmes

This is really sad and really good!

KiaraLondon said...
on May. 26 2013 at 3:59 pm
KiaraLondon, Wausau, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be so good they can't ignore you." -Steve Martin

Wow! That was soo heartbreaking and beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

on May. 25 2013 at 4:22 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

That was extremely well written. You provoked a lot of emotion. I really liked the end. It made the story.

on May. 25 2013 at 1:06 pm
nautiicaled BRONZE, Elk Grove, California
1 article 0 photos 28 comments
I really enjoyed as it is such a relatable piece for mostly everyone. It does address a topic that most of us deal with if it's with a friend, family member, or ourselves, it shows that great impact. Great job. :)

on May. 24 2013 at 1:45 pm
steffles SILVER, Glendale, New York
5 articles 3 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted- mostly because I had assumed that there would be a thousand more.”

The imagery was beautiful! However, I feel as though the language was overly simplified and needed to be more inticate to really "hit it home" with me.

IMSteel said...
on May. 24 2013 at 11:35 am
Beautiful description!  Sad, smooth writing, great imagery.  I can't really see anything serious that needs changing!  Great story, keep on writing! Please read and comment on my story: The Voyages of the Waved Albatross.  Thanks!

on May. 24 2013 at 12:34 am
luciamarie5631 BRONZE, Long Grove, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"If it is to be, it is up to me."

The coda to me is very simplistic and doesn't fit with the rest of the writing style. Regardless, the imagery has a very smoky flavour to it which I like. Its very good!

on May. 23 2013 at 11:37 pm
Minkerbell BRONZE, Sosua, Other
1 article 3 photos 45 comments
What a story! I like it and it really creates an image in my head of the scene and the way they were talking. It did irritate me a bit that the sister did not run up to her brother and grab him. I think it would be lovely if she at least tried to grab ahold of him but he ripped loose. I would never watch my brother try to jump of a building without physically pulling him back. But I really loved this story and it's super intense. Another thing, just as constructive critisicm, I would suggest you try not to use words like "bad, nice, happy, sad" in an intense short story like this one. One moment you're using a more complicated variety of words and then the next moment the words happy and sad are scattered everywhere.   Other than that, I loved it. Keep up the amazing work. If you wouldn't mind reading my short story I love Anne Walter and commenting (as critically as possible) and rating it, I would be very grateful. It's always helpful to get feedback from good writers!

on May. 23 2013 at 10:01 pm
Melissa23 SILVER, Irondale, Alabama
5 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12

Dude i almost got teary eyed! I loved the imargery too.

on May. 23 2013 at 8:22 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

Wow. Simply perfect. That's all. Keep rockin cuz this was amazing.

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on May. 23 2013 at 8:13 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Wow! I absolutely love your imagery and flawless descriptions. This is such a sad story and I believe you have written about something so touching and emotion provoking that it grabbed me and other readers in with no problem. Stories like these should be especially recognized. You are a great writer! :)

on May. 23 2013 at 6:03 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 247 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Oh, goodness, this is sad. I think I might go cry now. I love how well you incorporated awareness of suicides that happen in our world into this story. The writing is wonderful, and completely captures these character lives without having a separate back story. Great piece!