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Sound of My Death

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"Is she awake?"
"I believe so."
Their hasty voices echoed inside of my skull, sending throbbing vibrations with every syllable.
"Watch her eyes."
"Yes, sir."
The voices were louder and somehow closer. I felt warm breath caress my face.
"See the skin?"
"Yes, sir."
"Take notes."
The breath smelled sharp and pungent. The inside of my nose stung with each whiff.
"Have that down?"
"Yes, sir."
"Include the heart rate."
"Yes, sir."
I saw a flicker of bright white cross my vision. It grew bigger, blink by blink.
"Eyes open."
"Yes, sir."
There were hands and machinery attached to various parts of my body. I twitched, feeling their icy fingers and sharp nails.
"Watch the muscles. Her nerves are starting to react."
"Yes, sir."
My entire body shuddered. My eyes automatically drifted closed again, and each breath was labor in itself.
"Call a nurse!"
My fingers clenched themselves into unbreakable fists. The pungent air was gone.
"Nurse! Defibrillator!"
"Yes, sir."
The warmness on my cheek was gone. Their voices began to dissipate into the thick air.
"Nurse, go."
"Sir?"
My skull throbbed again, and my eyes were permanently shut.
I went to sleep to the sound of one long, lonesome, monotonous beep of my death.




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This article has 6 comments. Post your own!

readaholicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 10:27 am:
I honestly really like the shortness and randomness of it.  It's creepiness is better off uexplained.  It flows really nicely, having the same ammout of thought between the dialouge.  It leaves so much to the imagination but at the same time does so much with so few words!  Really, really like this!!
 
Jetta_WroteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
today at 7:19 pm :
Thank you very much!
 
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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 2 at 1:15 am:
Loved the vagueness, personally. And I think you could do much more with this, I almost got a sci-fi vibe while reading it. Very intriguing and mysterious. Hey, if you're ever bored and have nothing else to do, will you comment on one of my poems? Any kind of criticism welcome at this point;)
 
jetta.ckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 2 at 2:20 pm :
Thanks! I was aiming for a mysterious feel. Of course, I'll check out your poems! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback!
 
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LabtopnerdThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 6 at 6:23 pm:
This piece seemed a little vague. Maybe some more thought, or how the main charactor is feeling would help, or perhaps how they ended up in the hospital? Otherwise, I thought that it was a really cool article. It was a very intriguing idea that someone would be able to listen to their death, and be powerless against it. Keep it up! i think that this could be a work of art someday!
 
jetta.ckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 8 at 7:08 pm :
Thanks for the feedback, first off. I agree with what you're saying, but I feel like I wrote the article vaguely so that the reader could interpret it in their own way. Feelings would make a difference, too. Thank you so much!
 
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